“I never knew how strong I was until I had to be strong.”
Shervonne Coney
Shervonne Coney is just like any other woman. She loves to laugh, have fun and be around loved ones. She’s a wife of 18 years, minister, sister, friend and student in school for mental health counseling. “Like every other woman, I wear many hats but it just so happens, I don’t wear the hat of mother,” said Coney who’s transparent about her journey to motherhood.
Infertility became a stumbling block for her. It’s a disease with a set of different causes such as endometriosis and polycystic ovary syndrome. Coney’s diagnosis is “unexplained infertility” which can affect both men and women of every ethnic group and race around the world. This health issue often leads to distress and depression, as well as discrimination in some cultures. Studies show that black women are disproportionately affected by infertility in terms of access to care, treatment and support. In fact, black women are also less likely to talk about the fertility challenges they face, even though they are twice as likely to suffer from infertility than white women. To help women who suffer in silence, Coney decided to create her own group after running into a dead end to find support that represented her, where she lives in Massachusetts.
“Essentially I never knew how strong I was until I had to be strong,” said Coney who founded the social media platform Black Women and Infertility. “I found myself struggling with infertility and I really just wanted an outlet to voice my pain.” The group started on Facebook as a private space for women in March 2015. “Initially, I had one member. Now, there are almost one thousand national and international members in my group,” Coney exclaimed.
Her vision is to eventually become a powerful and impactful non-profit organization for women dealing with infertility, child loss and miscarriage. “I have to tell you that I always had this idea to create retreats for women. Basically an excuse for women to get away to focus on themselves and self healing,” Coney shared. Coney’s personal definition of motherhood has evolved since her struggle with infertility. “I think you are a mother when you give birth to a child of course, but also an idea or vision. A mother is someone who nurtures, supports and protects something she has birthed.”
Although doctors may say Coney’s chances of becoming a mother are very slim, she relies heavily on her faith when it seems like the deck of cards is stacked against her. Coney looks to God and often reflects on His word and what He is doing in her life. With that strength, she encourages all women to find support where they can and to most importantly never decline help.
“A lot of time we want to process things on our own, but please seek help. There are so many people like myself, who would like to encourage you through this journey. There's validity in that.”