Practicing Peace: 4 Tips to Finding Joy

How often do you practice peace? A common misconception about joy is that it should exist all on its own. We buy into the idea that happiness will find us simply because we deserve it. The truth is, peace must be nurtured. You can’t leave your joy up to chance. By cultivating a system of happy habits, you put yourself in the driver’s seat to manifest beauty, abundance and positivity. Check out our list of tips for practicing peace and finding joy. 

Movement

Your body is a divine space that houses all types of energy, good and bad. Through movement, you give your body permission to release stagnant energy that gets built up through unfavorable experiences. Movement includes anything from stretching and walking, to dancing and working out. Movement can help to eliminate low vibrations, putting you in alignment with your feminine energy. Try to incorporate some form of movement into your daily self-care routine. 

Creativity

When was the last time you did something creative? Creativity is linked to the navel chakra, the energy point in the body associated with peace and joy. When we access our creativity, we also connect with our inner-child, which can be healing to childhood wounds and shadow work. And contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to be an artist to be creative. Cooking, coloring, journaling and even decorating are all examples of simple ways to let your creativity flourish. Think of a creative project you can tackle this week and carve out some time to let your inner child fly free. 

Surrender

Sometimes the biggest threat to our joy is the act of holding onto things outside of our control. We fret over timelines, what-ifs, achievements, endings and misunderstandings. We spend so much time and energy cleaving to things that don’t serve us that we end up missing out on our blessings. Ask yourself: Is there something I’ve been holding onto that I need to release? Write out a list of anything that feels burdensome and create a plan for letting go and accepting where you are today. 

Tribe

The people in your close circle can either add to or take away from your joy. That’s why it’s super important to build relationships with people who are compassionate, supportive and vibrant. Keep the company of people who are optimistic and nurture your passions and purpose. Seek community from those who pour into you and hold you accountable to be your best self. Maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships is a dynamic way to stay in alignment with your happiness.

Setting Boundaries with Extended Family

It is a challenge when you bring family into a relationship when an individual doesn’t respect or even acknowledge boundaries. But remember you can set boundaries with any aspect of your life.

Family dynamics are – well – dynamic. Everyone has different personalities, thoughts, beliefs, and responses to situations. Differences are wonderful. Life would be painfully boring if we were all the same. Having differences is beautiful, but that doesn’t mean you should accept anything other than respect. Don’t make excuses for your families – I know it's easier said than done. We’ve all been there; it is easy to only want to look at the positives from our family members.

Romantic relationships come with their own struggles; family tends to land high on the list. There are reasons for that: a top one is your significant other not loving your family as much as you do. Or maybe you don’t get along with them either. It is a challenge when you bring family into a relationship when an individual doesn’t respect or even acknowledge boundaries.

Have you experienced this before? Are you currently in this situation? It can feel overwhelming and even unbearable. You. Are. Not. Alone. And it isn’t your fault. Repeat that to yourself as many times as you need.

What does boundary stomping look like?

When you set boundaries for others and they cross them, they are boundary stomping. Is boundary stomping okay? No. There is never a situation where it’s okay. It comes in many forms. You can set boundaries with any aspect of your life. Some common ones are your time, information, space, body, belongings, energy, mental health, and children. 

• I do not want my child to eat candy today while in your care. Still gives your child candy, after you set the boundary.

• I don’t want our engagement picture on Facebook yet. Places your picture on their Facebook anyways.

• Please do not come into our home without discussing with us first. Continues to use the spare key you gave them for emergencies anytime they want.

• I don’t want others to know this information. They tell others knowing you set a clear boundary not to.

• I will not be able to come to your house this weekend. Speaks with your partner repeatedly, trying multiple forms of manipulation to make you feel guilty about your decision.

• I prefer not to give hugs when we leave. They continue to try to hug you.

• Saying No. They won’t accept no for any reason – although you don’t need to back up why you are saying no. When it comes to boundary setting, “No” is a full sentence.

How do I set boundaries?

All the statements above are boundaries. You should be setting these with your friends, family, and coworkers. If you already are, great! If not, now is the time to get started. For some, this may be out of your comfort zone. Practice saying them to yourself or your partner, have any idea of what you’d like to set, and do it! Even writing them down or typing them out are great ways to get used to saying the.

I set boundaries; they were ignored. Now what?

A person that doesn’t respect your boundaries, or your partners, typically uses manipulation to make you feel bad about the boundaries you are creating. They feel they are losing control and get upset when boundaries are set. They will use excuses, manipulation, and gaslighting to make you feel you are in the wrong, don’t love them, and guilty. It is a toxic relationship, and while they may make you feel crazy, remember you are not. You have the right to set any boundaries that you want.

If they stomp, you can have a discussion with them. Reinforce your boundary, give a clear statement of what will happen if they stomp on it again. It can be we will no longer give you any details of our life or we will no longer be coming to your house until you respect our boundaries.  

Continue to set healthy boundaries – and stick to them to create a happier, less stressful life. You’ve got this.

Tips on Keeping the Connection

Babe, can you…? Hey did you…? What time is…? 

Does this sound familiar? Is this what your typical conversations sound like with your spouse? You are not alone! Communication can easily become business. Juggling life is busy. Amid the chaos, things get lost. An incredibly important thing – your connection. 

Excellent news, you both can improve it with a little time and effort. Reconnecting doesn’t have to be huge grand gestures – as much as we love them. Little things like a love note or making your spouse’s lunch can go a long way. Your marriage is one of the most important relationships, keeping your connection should be a priority. Need ideas? Look no further, check these out to get you started on your reconnection journey!

• Pillow talk. Ah, yes! Laying in bed, snuggling not only sounds relaxing -it will help tremendously. Slowing down and taking the time to talk will grow your connection. Sharing your day, your stresses, and your victories will provide closeness and a deeper understanding of your spouse. Learn them again.

• Eye contact. Make a point to take time for eye contact a few times a day. When you find yourself cooking dinner together, take one minute of uninterrupted eye contact. Okay, but why do I feel more connected after? Our eyes have oxytocin receptors in them, releasing the love hormone. Get that love hormone flowing. If you find extra time on your hands, try doing five minutes uninterrupted. How do you feel?

• Dates. I know, I know. Date nights are constantly mentioned. There is a reason why, it is essential to take the time for one on one. It’s where you have time to reconnect without distractions. Go on that date to your favorite place or experience a new hangout together. Continue to grow your existing connection. When life is busy, time is hard to come by, but you both deserve it.

• Small actions. If you can do small actions of love often, you will see a difference in your relationship. You will naturally feel closer to your partner. Write that love note, give them a massage, wash their car, and say a compliment. Help grow the love you started, and never stop dating them.

• Share interests. Stay active with your spouse. Talk about individual and shared interests. Take turns trying each other’s interests with them. It is an exceptional way to have fun while building your connection. You never know what fun you and your spouse will find! Give playing a guitar a go, try new hiking spots, learn coding, or take up volleyball. Get adventurous.

Take time right now. Go do a love action for your spouse!

Finding Yourself in Your Marriage

You’ve lost yourself. You don’t know how or when it even happened. Someone asks you a simple question and it dawns on you – what do I like? Is being my family’s coordinator even count as a hobby? You couldn’t tell someone what you enjoy these days. Your life revolves around your family, your career, your marriage. Your life doesn’t just belong to you anymore. 

That doesn’t mean that you aren’t happy, but just missing a piece of it. As much as you adore your family and doing acts of love for them, you have forgotten who you are. There are ways to improve the emptiness you may feel after this realization. 

As parents, employees, and spouses; we find ourselves racing against the clock to complete our tasks just in time to begin the same cycle the very next day. It does get exhausting, however, possibly it is partly because we forget to live in the moments. We fail to prioritize our own hobbies and enjoy everyday responsibilities. 

Live in the moment

Don’t forget to love life! Yes, even the things you have to do. Finding ways to enhance your daily duties helps you enjoy life more and you’ll reconnect with yourself. Yes, your relationship with yourself is as important as other relationships. Have fun with yourself. You already must do them, so why not improve them! You could:

• Make a new friend.

• Light your favorite candle.

• Try new food on your lunch.

• Take the stairs instead of the elevator.

• Dance in the rain, or just dance regardless of the weather.

• Listen to music in your car and while you clean your house.

• Take a different drive to work to explore and appreciate the world around you.

Try different ideas to switch it up until you find what works for you. Being able to have fun while getting things done, will help you find happiness. You spend most of your time, doing these duties. Can you imagine how much happiness you’ll add to your life if you find a way to enjoy them? 

Hobbies

Now, next in line is to prioritize your own hobbies. Pick up previous hobbies you loved before your marriage. Or if you can’t think of any, sample hobbies. That’s right! Try a little bit of everything, the most important part is to make time. It is a priority, so schedule it in. Some ideas to get you started:

• Writing

• Painting

• Camping

• Wine tasting

• Make your own candles

• Hit up the gym

• Board games

• Gardening

• Road trips

• Hiking

While you can do these with your spouse to continue your connection, it will benefit you to do some on your own. It is important to learn yourself and what you like, you will be happier bringing your newfound positivity into your marriage. 

Where will you take yourself? Happy rediscovery!

Creating Healthy Marriage Habits – and Keeping Them

Healthy marriage habits: what are they?

Woah. Life is intense! You’re stuck in the fast lane, expected to do hundreds of tasks daily. You’ve mastered – well sort of – more like you’ve become accustomed to juggling home and work life. Then you toss in continuing to work on your marriage, it gets overwhelming. What normally takes a backseat to this chaos? You guessed it. Your marriage. It is unfortunate and heartbreaking because your spouse is one of the most important people. They deserve it, and so do you.

Let’s change those unhealthy habits – some you may not even realize - and learn what healthy ones are. It is easy to fall into a routine of not putting any effort in. When you’re ready to make changes, bring your ideas to your spouse. 

Healthy marriage habits: what are they?

You want to start improving your marriage, but where to start? You may find creating healthy habits to be quite challenging in the beginning. That is normal and perfectly okay. It’s because you’ve fallen into the routine of unhealthy habits. 

• Remain calm and discuss any conflicts. Shut down, leave the house, or raise your voice when a conflict arises? None of these are appropriate, healthy responses. Stay, take a few minutes, and then talk. Discuss your feelings, what you would like to see change, and come up with a plan.

• Daily check-ins: Set time aside every day to give your spouse your full attention. Discuss how they feel, what they are doing, and any news they’d like to share.

• Active listening: When your spouse is talking with you, use active listening to comprehend what they’re saying.

• Date nights: Important to stay on track with your connection. Date nights offer just this! Keep it interesting, find new adventures. Or keep it familiar with your favorite spot. Both ways, you win.

• Space. What? We are already feeling short on time together, why should we have space? Keeping your own identity is important. You both need to enjoy time as individuals, to reset and recharge your batteries. Do something you enjoy on your own or meet up with your friends. Remembering who you are as individuals will create a happier, better version of yourself to bring into your marriage.

• Counseling. Just like a car, your marriage can benefit from a tune-up. Have a few appointments, there’s nothing to lose. Only knowledge, connection, and improvement to gain. If you decide counseling isn’t for you, that’s okay too.

• Compliment. Try a few compliments every day and see the improvement with your connection intensify.

• Say hello and goodbye. Always. Make it more than a quick hi. Take the time to look them in the eyes, have a conversation, and kiss them.

• Put the phone down. Keeping up with the latest and greatest becomes second nature with your phone attached to your hand. It is damaging to your relationship because your spouse never truly has your full attention.

• Affection. This one can be challenging, especially if you have different love languages. Affection will naturally grow your connection and closeness. Touch their leg when watching TV. Hold their hands when shopping. Bring it back to when you were dating, remember never stop dating each other.

Keep it up

Don’t give up when it gets hard, it takes practice, just like learning any new skill. Keep in mind that setbacks are normal, they happen. Don’t let it discourage you, just get back on track. 

Have fun – create healthy habits to start working on!

Top 5 Reasons Why You Need A Marriage Counselor

1. Communication and comprehension issues. Communication struggles are typically apparent, everything ends in an argument with no progress made. Marriage counseling can help give you the ability to communicate effectively. Beyond communication issues, is comprehension. Often, we hear the words that our partner is saying, but are we comprehending them? Learning how to process what is said and how to respond healthily is key to a lifelong, happy marriage. Everyone can benefit from effective communication and comprehension skills with every relationship and aspect of their life. 

2. Differences come in all shapes and sizes. Differences from financial views, personality traits, intimacy, how to raise children, and compromises. Every relationship in your life will have differences. That is okay. What is not okay is judging or negatively responding to your partner on those differences. Counseling can help you and your partner work through differences as a team, making you a stronger couple and navigate tough topics. 

3. Past healing. One partner has been hurt. Pain has no timeframe and will not go away on its own. Trauma from last week to years ago must be properly worked through and processed for those lingering feelings of pain and betrayal to fade. Healing is essential to moving on and having a healthy, happy marriage. Marriage counseling provides vital tools to continue to grow as individuals and a couple.  

4. Preventative. Marriage counseling is about growth, development, and providing lifelong tools to give yourself the best life. Attending marriage counseling doesn’t mean that you don’t love each other or that you have a marriage needing saving. Many individuals want the best for themselves and their partner, marriage counseling does just that. 

5. One partner wants a divorce. Commonly, couples will try marriage counseling as a last effort to save their marriage. Before making your final decision on divorce, marriage counseling can be beneficial if both partners participate. Counseling is excellent at working through past trauma, differences, and underlying issues to work on communication and healthy healing. Give it a try!

Happy growth and development as an individual and partnership!

Balancing Marriage & Career

Whose career should come first?

You are here. You’re at the point where you find yourself balancing many responsibilities and determining whose career comes first. 

As a career-driven married mother of four children ages five and under, I wear endless amounts of hats myself. Finding harmony and balance can be a challenging task. 

Juggling work demands, being a spouse, maintaining a running home, and possibly being an active parent can have anyone worn out. Let’s change your responsibilities from negative to positive. Take a deep breath and work towards tranquility. Removing stress by finding solutions and a plan. 

Finding peace in your marriage and career

Peace can be a glorious thing, that might appear so far away. Drop all expectations you have about what you should be doing. Yes, you read that right. Stop finding yourself comparing yourself to others. Seeing all that they do and how they do it to be “successful”. Finding what works for you and your family will be key to having a healthy balance. No one relationship and family life are the same, not everything works for everyone. Stop comparing and start preparing. 

Taking a deeper look

What makes you, your spouse, and your family happy? Think about what you can do to find a healthy balance while respecting each other’s passions. Be supportive and compromise. What is your family’s goal? Determine that and work towards it.

Whose career should come first?

Both careers are equally important. Sit down with your spouse to work out how to change your current struggles. Is it a scheduling issue, a financial issue? Once you have noted each other’s issues, come up with solutions together, both compromising. 

Recognize: Determine what the issues are.

Solution: Find the solutions through respect and compromise.

Planning: Write down your family’s plan, giving everyone a deep understanding of the end goal and how to handle career-related situations.

Execution: Follow through with the plan, discussing changes with each other as needed.

Celebrate: As with any important accomplishment, it is important to determine the effect and work that you’ve both completed! So go out to dinner, go dancing, go skiing, or on a mini-vacation. You both deserve it!

The planning process

Cook that delicious dinner together or grab your favorite grub. Sit down and brainstorm while enjoying each other’s company. Ask the tough questions. Work towards those answers. Find a balance, a compromise. 

This is your important family meeting time. Settle all the disagreements: who can work late when, who is picking up the children when. Come up with an emergency plan. They come in handy when you are supposed to work late, and your spouse absolutely must stay late unexpectedly. Who is picking up the kids? Always expect the unexpected and have a plan. 

Your goals can change how your family determines responsibilities and schedules. 

If the family’s goals are financial, then you may both decide that career decisions favor that career. In this situation, the spouse making less would not work overtime when the other spouse can. 

If the family’s goals are supporting both careers, you both need to compromise and work out a schedule you both will benefit from.

Have these family meetings a few times a month to keep everyone on track. Remember what works for others may not work for your family. Adjust your plan as you go and take a deep breath when life doesn’t go as planned. Life loves those curveballs, remember all will be marvelous with communication and support of both spouses. 

Executing the career plan

On the day to day, it is difficult to stay on the plan. It is important to know that for this to be successful, you must respect each other and continue to compromise. A majority of this is to actively make decisions that benefit the family as a unit, not you as an individual. Do check-ins with each other. If something comes up at work, call your spouse. Quickly discuss it and come up with solutions as you go. 

Happy dream chasing and celebrating every accomplishment!

Marriage, Infertility and Thriving in the Wait

It’s important to keep your relationship strong when you’re married and facing fertility challenges. Infertility can certainly impact your relationship and the way you cope with the emotional stress. Jodie Gless Eldridge along with her husband have learned to thrive in the wait for a bundle of joy. The couple has also decided to document their journey including visits to the doctor’s office, egg retrievals and fertility treatments. 

Talking about infertility can be difficult or become a source of tension if one partner is too transparent about the situation. However, Jodie shared that communication is important to a couple’s mental health. “Health isn’t just about eating the right foods, it’s about clearing your mind and meditating,” said Jodie who starts each day with gratitude. She even lists a number of goals, writing affirmations in a journal to keep her in the right frame of mind. 

“There’s so much to be grateful for even in the midst of infertility, or sadness. There’s always something to be grateful for and when you are grounded in that, I feel like that is power, and that’s how you thrive in wait,” Jodie expressed. 

Jodie also shared a weekly exercise she loves to do in her marriage to keep it strong. 

Watch the video: 

What Are Your Needs? Check Out Maslow’s Hierarchy Chart.

Are you at the "physiological", "safety", "belonging and love", "social needs", "esteem", or "self-actualization" level? 

As I was thinking of balance and foundation, the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs came to mind. Have you heard about it? Abraham Maslow introduced a psychological idea of basic needs that was illustrated in a pyramid design explaining human growth. 

 The proposed psychology idea is used by many researchers and psychologists to explain the behaviors of others. If you’re struggling in a relationship and looking for balance, take a look at the chart below. 

 Maslow originally proposed this idea in his 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation” and the idea was fully expressed in the book “Motivation and Personality” that came out in 1955. 

 In order to experience self-fulfillment, the lower level of the pyramid must be completely satisfied before moving on to the next level. However, sometimes a level can be repeated depending on the season or chapter you’re in. Some people experience job loss or divorce. As a result, you may find yourself repeating certain levels throughout life. 

Does this chart really help you understand balance or the stages of growth? I’ll leave that up to you to decide. 

Logic or Creativity? To better achieve balance, you should know where you stand.

“Balance is not something you find, it’s something you create.”

Unknown

Some of us have more analytical traits than others who lean more on their creativity. However, both sides work harmoniously together. Creative thinking drives and helps to develop brilliant ideas. Meanwhile, having a logical mindset is what’s needed to guide our creative thinking. This is how many of us find balance when our logical and creative sides come together or when a logical thinker marries someone heavy on the creative side. 

Find out your personality trait with the quiz below.

Leave a Note for HusBae

Take a moment to show your love.

Love notes are cute as well as an affectionate reminder of the bond you share with your spouse. Life can become busy especially when you factor in work and your marriage. So remember to leave a love note periodically. Having trouble with trying to figure out what you should say? Follow my lead below:

Rest! You’ve Earned It!

Today is Labor Day and you deserve a day of rest. Some people think of work as hard labor others think of it as any type of activity that requires you’re physical and mental abilities. Ultimately, work calls for us to be engaged in order to achieve some sort of desired result or purpose. That means a stay-at-home mom (or dad) as well as business owners, those in corporate jobs, and the list goes on are laborers. So today is your day too. Never forget, Labor Day was created to honor and celebrate the social and economic achievements of American workers.

Here’s a little history lesson. In the late 1800s, many Americans worked long hours, 12 hour days and often in unsafe conditions without breaks in between to be exact. The wages were low and many poor people including older folks and immigrants were taken advantage of in the workforce. Let’s reflect on the hard work of our forefathers and take a moment to be grateful and write down the little things. I completed my list. What’s on yours?

Financial Tips for Married Couple

Finances can put a strain on any marriage but there are things you can do to prevent money from ruining your partnership. The more open couples are about money, the less likely they’ll experience money issues. Below is a slideshow that also highlights money-savings tips.

How to Aim for a Balanced Marriage Life not Perfection

Partnership is extremely vital to a healthy relationship. Why? Because marriage is a life-long journey where both partners will need to make constant adjustments. That means you have to be open to being flexible and sharing responsibilities. However, change can be difficult for some people. So whatever season you’re in right now remember to never give up! Sometimes things can get out of control in our lives but we can restore the balance. All you have to do is focus on being committed to trying to be the best to your family. Start off with simply things like being committed to smiling and doing what’s right even when no one is looking. Also try to commit to not burning yourself out at work and for others outside your home. 

To keep yourself in line and always on the right track, try the following: 

• Take moments to Breath and Pray frequently

• Agree to Disagree and avoid placing blame

• Talk about your plans and dreams aloud

• Connect with couples in healthy relationships 

Marriage or Career? Take your pick.

Balance. The thought of balancing your marriage, career, family, social life and more can be exhausting. Maybe calling it quits is the easier thing to do?! Many people desire balance but it isn’t easily achieved. It sometimes feel like the most challenging thing to do. There never seems to be enough hours in a day to get everything done or marked off your to-do list. Balance takes time and you can start with the four tips below to help you move toward a better marriage and career. 

Prioritize: Try to prioritize the things that are most important, instead of trying prioritize everything you feel like you need to do to please people. The goal is stay stress free which means you need to decide what is most important in your life. 

Exercise Commitment: Here’s the hard truth. Relationships will change you- either for better or worse. Learn to adopt a growth mindset, grow with your partner and/or in your career no matter the season you’re in. Getting married is the easy and fun part, staying married is the challenge. The same goes for the job. 

Be Spontaneous: Always try to tap into the things you never have time to do with your partner or work. Be open-minded about other people’s ideas and try not shut things down right away even if you don’t want to do it or hand over your control. 

Social Media: This shouldn’t come as a surprise but social media can pose problems for you, your spouse, and career. It can cause stress, invite internet trolls in your life and upset your household. So be mindful of what you post. Put some thoughts into what you show on social media and refrain from living a double life- which includes both a virtual and “real” one.