The Infertility Doula: Two friends, One Connection, and Awareness.

“Knowledge is power and so is a great support system.”

The Infertility Doula

Some people dream of having a child, but are unable to conceive when the time arrives. The struggle isn’t uncommon for men and women. This hits too close to home to Tia Chapinski and Daniella Virijevic, two friends who decided to turn their infertility stories into purpose with the book, The Infertility Doula. 

One in 8 people face infertility challenges and are in need of support in the form of resources, support groups, or books to help guide them through trying times. In some cases, such experiences help people to find their own voices. 

“You have to be an advocate for yourself. In the beginning you may not know a lot but gather as much information as you can,” said co-author, Virijevic who has been on the fertility journey for 17 years with her husband.

Together, the ladies have learned so much about infertility that they wanted to share with others. Chapinski who dreamed of having a child with her husband until an infertility diagnosis led to an early hysterectomy, is empowered to encourage couples learning to live without biological children. 

“Knowledge is power and so is a great support system,” Chapinski said. 

In the book, Chapinski and Virijevic help people navigate through the things that are not easy, especially societal pressures to get pregnant, unsolicited advice, living childfree and adoption. Although no infertility journey is the same, the first step is the recognition that support is needed for people to find a successful resolution to infertility.

“I think the more you learn and research will give you comfort. You can figure out your options and learn that you are not alone. You can help raise awareness,” Chapinski said. 

“If we break that stigma and talk about it, there’s just so much power in all of our stories,” expressed Virijevic.

For those seeking community and meaning, the Infertility Doula certainly offers more insight into the process of family building. Some key aspects include everything from fertility treatments, and medications to pregnancy. 

“This isn’t the club that anyone wants to be in. I would rather be in any other club but at the same time, I feel like we are strong women who are empowering other women to get through this,” Chapinski expressed. 

Chiquita Lockley: Producer, Fertility Advocate & Filmmaker

“I believe you water the garden that you’re in.”

Chiquita Lockley

Chiquita Lockley is committed to empowering women. She’s the face and creator behind the documentary, “Eggs Over Easy: Black Women & Fertility.”

It all started with a trip to the gynecologist in 2016 and when the doctor simply said “Oh you have a birthday coming up. Your eggs are turning 41. Do you know what you want to do with them?”

That question left Lockley speechless. “I knew where my next vacation would be, where I was going for brunch that Sunday, I knew how my life was planned out for the next several months but eggs were not on that list,” said Lockley who never thought about her ovarian reserve, the eggs in her ovaries.

But it wasn’t until Lockley's favorite aunt questioned her about kids that really sparked her interest and research into fertility health.

As Lockley investigated, she discovered that there was just so much fertility information that she and the friends in her circle were either unaware of or just did not discuss publicly. That silence is nothing new in the Black community.

“We don’t talk about it and that goes back to slavery,” expressed Lockley. “In my research for the film, slave masters could make more money for an enslaved fertile woman of childbearing years. So there was more value placed on the woman who could bear children and so many would keep quiet.”

According to Lockley, four hundred years of that is what caused the silence around fertility and infertility.

To combat the stigma around fertility health and challenges, Lockley created the documentary, “Eggs Over Easy” with the hope that more women would talk about their fertility health with doctors and normalize those conversations with friends. 

“I believe you water the garden that you’re in. The conversation starts with us, and wherever you are, water your garden, meaning talk to the people in your circle. If we don’t talk about it, then we can’t be there to support one another.” 

In the film, women share their personal fertility stories as well as reproductive health options. By Fall 2021, Eggs Over Easy will be featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN).  

Listen to what Lockley has to say to ambitious women who may want the career and baby.

Andrea Syrtash: Author, Journalist and ‘Pregnantish’

“There’s power in advocacy, power in our voices, and power in our community.”

Andrea Syrtash

Andrea Syrtash, an author, journalist and the brains behind Pregnantish, decided to turn her fertility challenges into a survival guide. Actually, her experience is in the form of an online magazine to help those struggling with infertility. However, before creatively working to destigmatize infertility, her story begins during her teenage years. That’s when Syrtash experienced heavy menstrual periods. She was also diagnosed with endometriosis at 14 and later told that conceiving a child would be a challenge. 

“As a fourteen year old, the last thing on my mind was motherhood,” said Syrtash who didn’t realize that the road to motherhood would be a roller coaster ride. 

By the time, Syrtash met her husband, she casually shared that it could take them a few years to have a baby. To her surprise, it took the couple much longer.

“The long story short is, I now have a two year old that took me almost a decade to have. It took me eight years, 18 fertility treatments, open stomach surgery to remove a fibroid tumor, pregnancy losses and a whole host of other things,” said Syrtash who eventually took the surrogacy route, when a relative became her gestational carrier. 

In 2019, Syrtash and her husband were blessed with a daughter and through her fight to become a mother, empowering others was always at that back of her mind. Just a few years before becoming a mother, Syrtash decided to launch Pregnantish,  a family building website to support those on the non-medical side of infertility. 

“I was five years into my struggle and frustrated that all the content that I was finding was medical related or personal blogs. I wanted to create an online space with content that was sourced, creditable, fact-checked, and was much more than my story,” Syrtash expressed.

Since 2017, Pregnantish has been committed to educating and supporting a community of folks who often suffer in silence. According to RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association, one in 8 couples struggle with infertility. Through its network, Pregnantish connects some of those people and host “live” events that have been temporarily suspended due to the Covid-19 pandemic. 

However, Syrtash continues to move forward with her mission while many try to adapt to the “new” normal of social distancing. She’s currently working on a state-of-art fertility app that will further help and represent a diverse set of voices.

“Infertility has taught me that there are setbacks, but you have to stay present! There’s power in advocacy, power in our voices, and power in our community.”

Kellee Stewart: Actress, Producer, Writer & Purpose-Driven

“I know that I’m built for this job.”

Kellee Stewart

Living and working with a purpose. That’s certainly Kellee Stewart. She’s a passionate actress who has been in the entertainment industry for 20 years. Stewart was only eight years old when she fell in love with acting. It all began during a mother-daughter trip in New York as she sat in the audience mesmerized during “Cats,” the Broadway musical. 

“That’s when I knew that there was some magic on the stage and I wanted to be a part of that magic,” said the Philly born actress. 

Stewart’s hard work and determination led her to a number of television and movie roles. Her credits include All American, Cherish the Day, Love by the 10th Date, The Soul Man which starred Cedric the Entertainer and Niecy Nash as well as Guess Who  that featured Bernie Mac. 

However, her purpose reaches far beyond the screen. In fact, her growing fan base is heavily populated with women in the fertility community. Over the past few years, Stewart has been on a mission to educate and encourage women to be proactive about their reproductive system. 

“I think we often wait until the 11th hour to do something about our fertility health,” said Stewart who calls herself an egg advocate. Stewart became drawn to her fertility well-being and egg reserve after a long term relationship ended with a past love-interest.

“After seven years, I realized I gave him the best baby-making years of my life,” Stewart exclaimed. I’m a woman of belief and I heard God tell me to go freeze my eggs and I called a doctor and went to a fertility specialist and I froze them.” 

At the time, she was 37 years old, an age when doctors say a women’s reproductive health enters a challenging phase. Fortunately, Stewart was blessed with 32 eggs in one cycle and as a result 29 of the embryos were successfully frozen. Her hope is that women don’t wait until there’s a problem or later reproductive years to see a specialist. She encourages women to get fertility diagnostic testing done by a gynecologist, in order to get an understanding of their egg reserve. 

“We are born with as many eggs as we are ever going to have and our eggs are actually four months older than we are,” Stewart said. “When a female is in the womb at four months, that’s when the eggs are formed. So when we are born our eggs are actually four months older. We know being in the fertility community the age of the eggs are important so getting ahead of this thing is paramount for so many women.” 

To date, Stewart’s embryos are still frozen. Although she doesn’t have plans to unfreeze her eggs any time soon, she decided to document her fertility experience. Stewart is currently working on, “Twenty-nine Eggs,” a made-for-tv movie that’s in development with a major network. She considers her journey a blessing filled with many lessons. 

“I’m purpose driven and with any painful situation, I think the direct path to healing is to find purpose in it,” Stewart expressed. “If I had found a man, and if I had gotten married, then I wouldn’t have this story to tell.” 

In essence, Stewart isn’t giving up on her dream of motherhood.

“I always wanted to be a mother and I often ask myself why,”the actress shared. “It really is because of the bond I have with my mother. It’s the most trusted love that never betrayed me, never left me and pushed me forward in my life and I feel like I want to replicate that for myself.”

Below, Kellee shares more encouragement for women. Take a listen:

Jasmine Moore-Mason: Turning Pain into Purpose through the J.Mason Foundation.

“I feel like I could conquer the world.”

Jasmine Moore-Mason, J. Mason Foundation

Jasmine Moore-Mason likes to get creative but for a good cause. She creates care packages for moms-to-be. It’s her love language which allows her to honor motherhood. Her mission to help new parents, came about unexpectedly and out of a personal experience that motivated her to give as well as think of others. 

The “Hello Baby” Box

“I started the J.Mason Foundation after my second miscarriage. So I created the “Hello Baby” box and decided to give away everything I purchased for my baby in the form of a care package,” said Mason who suffered her first miscarriage in 2016 and then another in 2018. 

It seemed like the best thing to do but coming to that decision was a tough one. “It took me awhile to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to need or use the baby items,” said Mason who still looks forward to starting a family of her own one day. 

According to medical professionals, 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage or stillbirth, but for many women it’s a topic not easily discussed. That’s not the case for Mason who plans to not only assist families with the “Hello Baby” box but raise awareness about miscarriages and maternal health. In fact, Mason wants to eventually become a bereavement doula to help families deal with pregnancy loss. 

“When I experienced my second misscarriage, I wanted to see my child so that I could have closure but I was denied that right,” Mason said. “I didn't even get a birth or death certificate to remind me of my babies,” said Mason who shared that not every state is required to provide those documents to families. 

As a doula, Mason believes she can be a sound voice and advocate for women with similar experiences. 

Initially, Mason thought the care packages would be a one-time donation of all her baby items. To her surprise, the J.Mason Foundation has grown thanks to donations and her commitment to purchase essential baby items for those in need. The “Hello Baby” box brings joy and healing to Mason who considers the giveaway therapeutic. According to Mason the healing process of a miscarriage never ends and the journey never stops.

“Sometimes I have moments where I feel like I’m all over the place. Then there are days where I feel like I could conquer the world.”

Shervonne Coney: Founder of Black Women and Infertility

“I never knew how strong I was until I had to be strong.”

Shervonne Coney

Shervonne Coney is just like any other woman. She loves to laugh, have fun and be around loved ones. She’s a wife of 18 years, minister, sister, friend and student in school for mental health counseling. “Like every other woman, I wear many hats but it just so happens, I don’t wear the hat of mother,” said Coney who’s transparent about her journey to motherhood. 

Infertility became a stumbling block for her. It’s a disease with a set of different causes such as endometriosis and polycystic ovary syndrome. Coney’s diagnosis is “unexplained infertility” which can affect both men and women of every ethnic group and race around the world. This health issue often leads to distress and depression, as well as discrimination in some cultures. Studies show that black women are disproportionately affected by infertility in terms of access to care, treatment and support. In fact, black women are also less likely to talk about the fertility challenges they face, even though they are twice as likely to suffer from infertility than white women. To help women who suffer in silence, Coney decided to create her own group after running into a dead end to find support that represented her, where she lives in Massachusetts.  

“Essentially I never knew how strong I was until I had to be strong,” said Coney who founded the social media platform Black Women and Infertility. “I found myself struggling with infertility and I really just wanted an outlet to voice my pain.” The group started on Facebook as a private space for women in March 2015. “Initially, I had one member. Now, there are almost one thousand national and international members in my group,” Coney exclaimed. 

Her vision is to eventually become a powerful and impactful non-profit organization for women dealing with infertility, child loss and miscarriage. “I have to tell you that I always had this idea to create retreats for women. Basically an excuse for women to get away to focus on themselves and self healing,” Coney shared. Coney’s personal definition of motherhood has evolved since her struggle with infertility. “I think you are a mother when you give birth to a child of course, but also an idea or vision. A mother is someone who nurtures, supports and protects something she has birthed.” 

Although doctors may say Coney’s chances of becoming a mother are very slim, she relies heavily on her faith when it seems like the deck of cards is stacked against her. Coney looks to God and often reflects on His word and what He is doing in her life. With that strength, she encourages all women to find support where they can and to most importantly never decline help.

“A lot of time we want to process things on our own, but please seek help. There are so many people like myself, who would like to encourage you through this journey. There's validity in that.”