You are here. You’re at the point where you find yourself balancing many responsibilities and determining whose career comes first.

As a career-driven married mother of four children ages five and under, I wear endless amounts of hats myself. Finding harmony and balance can be a challenging task.

Juggling work demands, being a spouse, maintaining a running home, and possibly being an active parent can have anyone worn out. Let’s change your responsibilities from negative to positive. Take a deep breath and work towards tranquility. Removing stress by finding solutions and a plan.

Finding peace in your marriage and career

Peace can be a glorious thing, that might appear so far away. Drop all expectations you have about what you should be doing. Yes, you read that right. Stop finding yourself comparing yourself to others. Seeing all that they do and how they do it to be “successful”. Finding what works for you and your family will be key to having a healthy balance. No one relationship and family life are the same, not everything works for everyone. Stop comparing and start preparing.

Taking a deeper look

What makes you, your spouse, and your family happy? Think about what you can do to find a healthy balance while respecting each other’s passions. Be supportive and compromise. What is your family’s goal? Determine that and work towards it.

Whose career should come first?

Both careers are equally important. Sit down with your spouse to work out how to change your current struggles. Is it a scheduling issue, a financial issue? Once you have noted each other’s issues, come up with solutions together, both compromising.

Recognize: Determine what the issues are.

Solution: Find the solutions through respect and compromise.

Planning: Write down your family’s plan, giving everyone a deep understanding of the end goal and how to handle career-related situations.

Execution: Follow through with the plan, discussing changes with each other as needed.

Celebrate: As with any important accomplishment, it is important to determine the effect and work that you’ve both completed! So go out to dinner, go dancing, go skiing, or on a mini-vacation. You both deserve it!

The planning process

Cook that delicious dinner together or grab your favorite grub. Sit down and brainstorm while enjoying each other’s company. Ask the tough questions. Work towards those answers. Find a balance, a compromise.

This is your important family meeting time. Settle all the disagreements: who can work late when, who is picking up the children when. Come up with an emergency plan. They come in handy when you are supposed to work late, and your spouse absolutely must stay late unexpectedly. Who is picking up the kids? Always expect the unexpected and have a plan.

Your goals can change how your family determines responsibilities and schedules.

If the family’s goals are financial, then you may both decide that career decisions favor that career. In this situation, the spouse making less would not work overtime when the other spouse can.

If the family’s goals are supporting both careers, you both need to compromise and work out a schedule you both will benefit from.

Have these family meetings a few times a month to keep everyone on track. Remember what works for others may not work for your family. Adjust your plan as you go and take a deep breath when life doesn’t go as planned. Life loves those curveballs, remember all will be marvelous with communication and support of both spouses.

Executing the career plan

On the day to day, it is difficult to stay on the plan. It is important to know that for this to be successful, you must respect each other and continue to compromise. A majority of this is to actively make decisions that benefit the family as a unit, not you as an individual. Do check-ins with each other. If something comes up at work, call your spouse. Quickly discuss it and come up with solutions as you go.

Happy dream chasing and celebrating every accomplishment!