Relationships

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Single and redefining beauty

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For the past 4-years I have been growing long beautiful locs.  They were pretty and had an array of colors. However, one day I woke up and decided I was going to cut my hair. Rumor has it that when one cuts their hair especially locs then that person is going through some dramatic life altering change.  Now I can't say that is the case for me, but my hair was close to my heart. I felt like it defined my beauty.

I haven't shared that with many people because I didn't want the world to know that my hair had a lot to do with my self-esteem. As my hair grew longer the more compliments I would receive.  In fact, I would get great feedback from the opposite sex. For a long time, I thought my long locs made me prettier.  I also believed that it was one of the key features that attracted men to me. Being single you question so many things about yourself, and my appearance was certainly one of those things. I guess you could say that this is a huge transition on my end.

I truly followed my heart and chopped off my hair even though I considered it an extension of me but realized later it doesn’t define who I am or what I stand for. Surprisingly, I feel very beautiful with my short curly tapered look. Yes, I've gotten many compliments but the greatest was a reminder of my beauty while listening to India Arie.  According to one of her songs, she says "I am not my hair."  

That’s right. My beauty is greater and deeper than what's on the top of my head. It certainly isn't the reason why I'm single.

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Some relationships are for a season.

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Six months ago I thought that my love search was done! I was glowing and always smiling from ear to ear with excitement.That's because I was introduced to a man who I thought was the one. He knew how to make me feel special, laugh and forget all my worries. We used to spend hours together, and I even told my friends about him. I've never desired for them to meet anyone special in my life.

I can't fully explain but one day things became shaky. I figured things would naturally fall back into place.  But it didn't and suddenly my new love interest stopped spending time with me. His excuse was his job and huge workload.  He just completely acted like I didn't exist most days. He would shoot me little texts here and there but for the most part our relationship was going nowhere! We would have talks but we would never resolve the issue. He once said, "I told you this is how my life is during the summer." I always thought aman would go out of his way to spend time with someone when there is love.  Needless to say my fairytale was turning into another failed relationship. Of course yet again I'm embarrassed and humiliated that my time with this man was short lived.  I thought, "How am I going to tell my closest friends and family that love has failed me?" So I decided to keep quiet.  Instead I drowned my sadness with depressing music trying to convince myself what we had wasn't real.

Suddenly I snapped out of my funk and all it took was some encouragement from music by my favorite artist Beyoncé.  In fact, I quickly pulled myself together and reminded myself that it sucks to be him right now! To the left, to the left, he goes ... and yes I loved him like XO but the truth is ... I simply could not see how our 1+1 could ever =2!  Even though I saw his Halo in the beginning surely this man is also replaceable.  Perhaps it's a good thing my relationship didn't work out and yes I may be hurt but just like everything else the pain won't last forever. I'll eventually call my girls and when they ask I will tell them the truth! He just wasn't the one.

At my age, I'm super clear about what I want and what I don't want. Some things I just can't except... and I don't feel guilty about wanting the best for me. So in the words of Beyoncé I'll put that freekum dress on! Haha, I probably won't do that but I will continue to date and when it's right, I hope the relationship will last.

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"Insecure" actress Yvonne Orji shares secret that could benefit hopeless romantics [video]

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All it takes is that one simple social media post to pop up in your timeline to turn your entire day around. It's from that one friend that you shared so many things in common with because you two were the last of the bunch who were single. However, that's no longer the case and another friend of yours is planning a wedding.

We've all been there. "Insecure" actress Yvonne Orji knows the feeling all too well but what she does is something every single woman should consider.

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