Single woman

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Single and redefining beauty

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For the past 4-years I have been growing long beautiful locs.  They were pretty and had an array of colors. However, one day I woke up and decided I was going to cut my hair. Rumor has it that when one cuts their hair especially locs then that person is going through some dramatic life altering change.  Now I can't say that is the case for me, but my hair was close to my heart. I felt like it defined my beauty.

I haven't shared that with many people because I didn't want the world to know that my hair had a lot to do with my self-esteem. As my hair grew longer the more compliments I would receive.  In fact, I would get great feedback from the opposite sex. For a long time, I thought my long locs made me prettier.  I also believed that it was one of the key features that attracted men to me. Being single you question so many things about yourself, and my appearance was certainly one of those things. I guess you could say that this is a huge transition on my end.

I truly followed my heart and chopped off my hair even though I considered it an extension of me but realized later it doesn’t define who I am or what I stand for. Surprisingly, I feel very beautiful with my short curly tapered look. Yes, I've gotten many compliments but the greatest was a reminder of my beauty while listening to India Arie.  According to one of her songs, she says "I am not my hair."  

That’s right. My beauty is greater and deeper than what's on the top of my head. It certainly isn't the reason why I'm single.

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Some relationships are for a season.

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Six months ago I thought that my love search was done! I was glowing and always smiling from ear to ear with excitement.That's because I was introduced to a man who I thought was the one. He knew how to make me feel special, laugh and forget all my worries. We used to spend hours together, and I even told my friends about him. I've never desired for them to meet anyone special in my life.

I can't fully explain but one day things became shaky. I figured things would naturally fall back into place.  But it didn't and suddenly my new love interest stopped spending time with me. His excuse was his job and huge workload.  He just completely acted like I didn't exist most days. He would shoot me little texts here and there but for the most part our relationship was going nowhere! We would have talks but we would never resolve the issue. He once said, "I told you this is how my life is during the summer." I always thought aman would go out of his way to spend time with someone when there is love.  Needless to say my fairytale was turning into another failed relationship. Of course yet again I'm embarrassed and humiliated that my time with this man was short lived.  I thought, "How am I going to tell my closest friends and family that love has failed me?" So I decided to keep quiet.  Instead I drowned my sadness with depressing music trying to convince myself what we had wasn't real.

Suddenly I snapped out of my funk and all it took was some encouragement from music by my favorite artist Beyoncé.  In fact, I quickly pulled myself together and reminded myself that it sucks to be him right now! To the left, to the left, he goes ... and yes I loved him like XO but the truth is ... I simply could not see how our 1+1 could ever =2!  Even though I saw his Halo in the beginning surely this man is also replaceable.  Perhaps it's a good thing my relationship didn't work out and yes I may be hurt but just like everything else the pain won't last forever. I'll eventually call my girls and when they ask I will tell them the truth! He just wasn't the one.

At my age, I'm super clear about what I want and what I don't want. Some things I just can't except... and I don't feel guilty about wanting the best for me. So in the words of Beyoncé I'll put that freekum dress on! Haha, I probably won't do that but I will continue to date and when it's right, I hope the relationship will last.

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Valentine's Day: The day I fell for all the hype

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The year was 2000. It was a cold windy day but that didn't stop me from being fashionable and wearing my bright pink wool coat. My long hair was blowing in the wind periodically sticking to the clear gloss on my lips. I was happy until I walked into my job that day.  I worked at a law firm. I was still in college and the youngest in the office. To my surprise roses were everywhere and being delivered to many of the secretaries who were cheerful like school girls.  I had no reason to be happy.  I was single and recently dumped by my college sweetheart. It's funny how you process Valentine's Day when you're single. You start to say things like, "It's noting but an ordinary day."  This paticular Valentine's Day I desperately tried to convince myself that it was just a regular day. 

However, by the evening my day took an unexpected turn.   I met up with my best friend at the mall. She was single too. Being silly, we started to both joke about our dating lives.  As we visited store after store, something caught my attention. It was a pink balloon and it matched my coat. On the balloon it read, "Congratulations on your engagement!" Suddenly mesmerized and without hesitaion, I purchased it. When my friend noticed my purchase, she shouted, "You're so crazy!" Then we both burst into laughter. 

In that moment, yes I was crazy and wanted to feel special like every other girl walking around with flowers, stuffed animals and holiday candy.  That's just what happened, when I began to walk around the mall with my balloon. I immediatley felt special.  "Congratulations," people shouted from across the mall. Then there were those who slowly put their heads down possibly boiling with more hate for cupid. The black leather gloves I wore that day made my fake engagement easier. Shockingly, no one asked to see my ring finger and quite frankly I'm glad no one was bold enough to ask about my "engagement" details. What I did enjoy was all the love and attention.

Sure that's what we want sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with it even if it is only for short moments.  However, I later realized that the Valentine's Day craze forced me to fall for all the hype. Thankfully that only happened once. Today, it is seriously just another day. 

I'm older, more mature and now married.  It's funny because one day when my husband and I were only dating we decided to run out to the mall. It was another cold day and I needed a case for my cell phone. As we walked around, we couldn't help but notice couples everywhere. There were long lines in restaurants and most peope were draped in red clothing. We thought it was the weirdest thing. So as we were exiting the mall, I approached a couple. "Excuse me, what's going on today and why is everyone wearing red," I softly whispered. The couple looked stunned and the woman then loudly replied, "It's Valentine's Day!"  Like a deer-in-headlights, I looked at my boyfriend and just laughed. To think there was a time I stressed myself out over the holiday, amazed me. I'm loved and cherished so much that today when "V" day rolls around I'm oblivious to it. The lesson is don't wait around for someone else to make you feel special, just show yourself some love until that special someone comes sweeping you off your feet and making you feel like every day you're his sweetheart. 💋

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When a guy gives you butterflies…..

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To say that I'm nervous is an understatement.  Where do I start?

So a really good friend of mine wrote the most unusual yet sincere statuses on social media about her brother. It was his birthday and out of love she posted what I thought to be the sweetest and funniest post about him ever. She not only gave him a birthday shout-out but she also put out an ad for his future wife.  It immediately caught my attention.  “This is hilarious,” I said to my myself as I burst into laughter. At that moment I also took a closer look at the picture and then I realized that I actually met my friend’s brother many moons ago. I remember as if it took place yesterday. One night while out dancing the night away with my girlfriends, we worked up an appetite and decided to go grab something eat at a local restaurant. When we walked in I saw my friend (the one who posted the social media status honoring her brother) and guess what, he was with her that night. This is all coming back to me because that particular evening my friend’s brother complimented me and thought my blazer and pumps combination was quite stylish. “Thank you,” I said with a smile.  We exchanged a few more words, laughed a bit and that was it.

Fast forwarding to the day when my friend posted that warm announcement about her brother, I couldn't help but to reach out to her. She explained to me that although the post was a joke, she was very serious about finding him a date. I thought, “I’m single and maybe I should contact this man.” My friend and I laughed about it and before I knew it we had been texting all day while I was at work, and before I knew it, my friend sent me her brother’s phone number.

 

I'm certainly not the lady with the three day, three-week, one-month rule, so I texted him later on that night. Surprisingly, he replied right away and by the next day we were on the phone for hours. So far, he’s funny, seems to be a gentlemen and very thoughtful. This is by far the most random connection that I've ever experienced. I'm certainly nervous about our brunch date, and can’t shake these butterflies in my stomach.  However, I’m very interested in seeing where this could go. Sometimes we stumble upon things that spark up our lives. My single life has been a journey but it’s also been full of good moments.  Trust me you will be hearing more about this guy. In a good way, he makes me nervous and excited at the same time. It’s a feeling I haven't felt in a very long time but a good love story must start somewhere. 

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The common sense dating approach....

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Have you ever dated someone who thought a "no show" or a "text without a response" was no big deal to get upset at or angry? Well, I have and even to my surprise I accepted some of his creative excuses but mostly because the guy seemed to have pretty legit reasons as to why he was a "no call , no show."  So all was forgiven most times.  However, it wasn't until stranger things started to take place that I started to raise my eyebrows.  

The man I was dating started canceling dates on me, and one time even shared that he had some "random " male friend come visit him from out of town. Everyday that this friend was suppose to leave, there was another reason why "he" was still there . Any man that's not strong enough to give you the courtesy you deserve is simply not worth your time. I'm glad that this man showed me who he was sooner than later especially before we made anything official. Real men are consistent, have conversations, and are not afraid to be vulnerable. 

So when all else fails, just use the common sense approach to dating. If it doesn't feel right then it's not right. 

Here's a list of things NOT to ignore:

1. He places phone "face down" and ringer is always on silent

2. He's a serial text "deleter"

3. He's creative with excuses

4. He's always "too busy"

5. He opts to "text" instead of "calling you"

Yes, it's common sense but how many of us are guilty of not using our better judgement. Date on and date smart. 💋

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Puppy Love

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Do you remember your first love? I'll never forget mines. I guess you'll always remember your first love or what you thought was your first love. Our parents often described young love as "Puppy Love". However, you couldn't tell some of us nothing during those adolescent years.

We had life so figured out, thinking we would marry and have children with that high school sweetheart.  Now, I do have a few friends who married their high school sweethearts, but that wasn't the case for me.

Let me take you back. My high school sweetheart had smooth caramel skin and thick beautiful eyebrows. His bright smile would make you melt. He was definitely a handsome young man.  In fact, his brothers were also very attractive.  My sweetheart lived near my bus stop which looked like concert grounds with a mob of girls around. The girls would always go crazy over him and his brothers. The crazy thing was he was super kind and sweet to only me. He would walk me home, hold my hand and we even went to a few school dances together. We tried to keep together towards the end of my 12th grade year. He was a year a head of me and by the time I graduated and went on to college we lost contact. Years passed and before I knew it we were all grown up.

When I tried to find him again, I was unsuccessful.  I guess it would be very unlikely that we could rekindle our love.  But what if we cross paths again? I wonder if we would let go this time. I'm certain I would hold on tight if I had another chance. I miss him, especially his smile, smooth skin and most of all his heart. With feelings this deep combined with all the time that has passed by, I guess it's safe to say that puppy love can actually be real. 

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S.I.N.G.L.E

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Self-respect: Being single starts with not only self-respect but self-esteem.  Develop a strong relationship with yourself. There's no telling when Mr. Right will walk into your life.

 

Invest in one self: Make time to pamper, meditate, and accomplish your goals. This is the perfect time to do so.

 

New outlook on life: Always think of your glass as half-full not half-empty. Being single is not a death sentence.

 

Grateful: Take a look at your past and where you are today and be thankful. Remember you're on the right track. No matter how many of your friends are getting engaged, don't think for one minute that you're behind schedule.

 

Love yourself: It's just that simple. How can you love anyone else without loving yourself?

 

Enjoy life: Ultimately, enjoy every moment of your life. Single is dating smart and having fun.

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5 signs you've mastered single life

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1. You're great at cooking for one. A pinch of this and that..... Dinner is ready.

 

2. You're extremely comfortable going to the movies alone. Who's paying attention besides it's dark in the theater.

 

3. You're good at ignoring sweet talk! Why? Three words. Confident. Smart. Resilient.

 

4. Just about every Beyoncé song empowers you. #Lemonade anyone?

 

5. "Good Morning" texts don't phase you... You're single not desperate.

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Dance to your own music

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One thing I always loved to do is dance in the mirror. There are a few songs that immediately get me on the dance floor. Single life doesn’t have to be boring. Just put on your best pumps and crank the music up on your radio. And DANCE!

 

Get me Bodied-Beyoncé

 

7/11-Beyonce

 

Danza Kuduro (feat. Lucenzo)

 

Just Fine-Mary J. Blige


Push it-Salt-N-Pepa

Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough

Beautiful-Snoop

Shake it off-Taylor Switch

It takes Two-Rob Base

1 Thing (featuring Eve)-Amerie

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Date with Caution

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I'm starting to feel like people view this single girl thing as some sort of charity case.  A few weeks ago I received a random message from someone whom I haven't spoken to in years. The reason for the call was just another attempt to set me up on date.  Some of my closest friends have tried playing matchmaker and I’m still single.  The reason is not because I’m hard to deal with, crazy or extremely picky, I just have standards.

However, against my better judgment when my friend asked if she could give my number out to a man she believed had potential, I said yes. “How bad could this be,” I thought. I love meeting new people.  It also helped that my friend spoke highly of the person she thought I would instantly connect with. Now I'm an old school kind of girl so I prefer to talk on the phone rather than text.  However, the potential fellow decided to start our communication off with text messages.  I understand why now.  This man had no concept of verb noun agreement.  He’s in his mid-thirties still using slang as if it was mentally stimulating.

He asked me one day to go have a cup of coffee with him after work. Now I'm already thinking if we can’t have a conversation over the phone, what in the world are we going to discuss over coffee. Once again, against my better judgment, I said OK.  Right before we were supposed to meet, he sent me a text.  It read, "Sorry, I can't make it, my mom won't let me borrow the car”.   I was totally at a lost for words but one thing I learned is that people may look at being “single” as a charity case but when you take up every offer to date random people, you start to look like one. Be single, enjoy it and date with caution.

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Single? Look at the bright-side!

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Being a single woman has it perks. Well, that’s at least what I think. Although I often find myself daydreaming about a relationship, I must say I’m beginning to become more patient despite my burning desire to be with a stand-up guy. Hmm, what will he look like? Will he be tall (I love men who tower over me)? Will he be quiet? I’m sometimes extremely curious about my future especially when it comes to a potential significant other. Eventually I quickly snap out of my daydreaming because my imagination can run wild for hours.

At one point in my life, the only thing I could ever think about was marriage but I'm starting to realize that I enjoy my life. In fact, I really enjoy coming home to my diva pad, and I love eating random things for dinner!  I’ve also realized as a single woman that I just don't want to marry someone because I’m in love with the illusion of love.  Relationships should have a solid foundation, love and communication.  I want to be able to laugh uncontrollably with my spouse, I want us to have the same values and morals and I definitely want who ever I end up with to make me smile just by his presence.

You see love comes and love goes in relationships without substance and foundation.  So before I end up in another meaningless relationship, I’m on a journey to get myself together and finally for once take care of me.  I've started taking yoga recently, booked a few short weekend getaways, and so far I love it. When you look at being single from a positive perspective you’ll eventually see that it has its perks. After all getting to know yourself only strengthens and builds a better you.

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Resolutions? Let's just live in 2016!

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At the end of every year we all come up with these ridiculous goals, which we know we will not stick too! My favorite one of them all is when I hear women say "This year I'm going to the gym 5 times a week." When I hear this I giggle every time, I may have even told myself the same exact thing, especially after I've had that yummy cheesesteak that I know I had no business eating. However, I tell myself that it’s ok this one time because this year I'm going to the gym and I’m losing 30 pounds.  Ha! Yeah right, just like I lied about the gym and eating only one cheesesteak a year, I often find myself saying the same thing about relationships and dating.

 

Like clockwork, I’d say every New Year's Eve that this year, I will not go backwards in dating. Yet those late night phone calls and texts get me every single time. So this year I didn't make any dating or weight loss goals. The one thing I did was sit myself down and have a very honest conversation.  I made a commitment with myself not to be skinny, but to be healthy.  I promised myself to eat better, and yes I'll have a cheesesteak every now and then but I will commit to eating healthy and becoming one with my Fitbit! 

 

I also told myself that this year I'm not focusing on finding "Mr. Right" instead I’ll be getting right and working on myself. Last but not least, the most important goal of all is “No More Man Referrals!” I know my friends mean well, but each and every time someone has tried to introduce me to someone, it has been a disaster. Those referrals have often left me questioning our friendship, like wait, “Does this person really know me, because why would my friend ever introduce me to this guy?” Ha-ha, but seriously, I want a connection that is organic, no more match.com lead by friends! My goal in 2016 is to simply grow.  Sometimes single ladies spend too much time counting time and wondering when marriage and babies will fall in place.  The fact of the matter is if we were truly living up to our potential we wouldn't have time to worry.  In due time, love will certainly come and we may even lose a few pounds but for now let's just live in 2016! 

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