My first love.....
Growing up it never really bothered me that my dad wasn't around because I always had my grandfather. He is my main man!The both of us were very close and the relationship remains that way today. As far as I know, my grandfather is the first man to ever really love me. He was the first man to ever open a door for me, take me on a date, and show me unconditional love. He was always there no matter what!I was his only grand-baby up until recently. It's been my grandfather and I for 32 years.Yes, I was the only grandchild for more than three decades.
As for my father, my mom never talked badly about my dad. In fact, she always taught me to respect him and honor his last name in spite of his faults. I will never forget riding on the subway to school and seeing my dad passed out on the back of the train because he was intoxicated. I never once was ashamed of him or made fun of his addiction. Instead I made light of situations like that and would say to my friends, "Hey that's my dad, so don't laugh." It's but I think about my dad more and more especially during the Holidays and on my birthday. I recently turned 32 and I can't think of a time when my father picked up the phone just to say "Happy Birthday." I often wonder if my mistakes with men have stemmed from the lack of relationship with my dad.
Yes, my grandfather is amazing but he painted a fairytale for me. He had me thinking I was going to marry Prince Charming! I will forever be grateful for the love that my grandfather showed me because he stepped in during a time of need. However, I will forever wonder if having my dad around would have helped me through love and relationships. Whatever the case, I just want to remind men who are fathers to always be there for their children. The truth is fathers serve as their daughter's first example of what a men should be. If I ever get married and have a daughter, I pray that my daughter will never question her father's love and that her grandfather can enjoy being just that...... A grandfather!
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Puppy Love
Do you remember your first love? I'll never forget mines. I guess you'll always remember your first love or what you thought was your first love. Our parents often described young love as "Puppy Love". However, you couldn't tell some of us nothing during those adolescent years.
We had life so figured out, thinking we would marry and have children with that high school sweetheart. Now, I do have a few friends who married their high school sweethearts, but that wasn't the case for me.
Let me take you back. My high school sweetheart had smooth caramel skin and thick beautiful eyebrows. His bright smile would make you melt. He was definitely a handsome young man. In fact, his brothers were also very attractive. My sweetheart lived near my bus stop which looked like concert grounds with a mob of girls around. The girls would always go crazy over him and his brothers. The crazy thing was he was super kind and sweet to only me. He would walk me home, hold my hand and we even went to a few school dances together. We tried to keep together towards the end of my 12th grade year. He was a year a head of me and by the time I graduated and went on to college we lost contact. Years passed and before I knew it we were all grown up.
When I tried to find him again, I was unsuccessful. I guess it would be very unlikely that we could rekindle our love. But what if we cross paths again? I wonder if we would let go this time. I'm certain I would hold on tight if I had another chance. I miss him, especially his smile, smooth skin and most of all his heart. With feelings this deep combined with all the time that has passed by, I guess it's safe to say that puppy love can actually be real.
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Stood up!
So part of being single is going on fun and exciting dates, sometimes several within a week. When you finally meet someone who you actually like instantly you look forward to going out with them and having an amazing time. I must admit I stopped going out for awhile because I was either meeting men who I didn't connect with or not meeting men at all! However, recently I met a man and he seemed to be everything that I wanted. He's intelligent, handsome and a Moorehouse College man.
Now for those of you who don't understand what that means .....please let me enlighten you. In college you would often hear girls talk about different men on different college campuses. One of those college campuses happened to be Moorehouse and the men there had a certain reputation. They were known for their intelligence, aura and style. So as you can imagine I was excited about the possibility of us connecting. I had already been on a few dates and had an amazing time each and every time we were together.
However, one hot Saturday summer night I was all ready for our day together but to my surprise his phone was off or maybe he just want taking calls. My heart sank when I thought this man was possibly standing me up. I stared at my phone, checked my social media accounts , only to find nothing. I was crushed. After staying in the bed all day and watching crazy Lifetime movies, I decided to pull myself together throw something on and take myself out. While out I called one of my close friends, who came out to meet me for dinner. As I sat there with a sad face slowly drinking my margarita, she put it all in perspective. She said, "Girl that man owes you nothing and sure you may be sad because he hasn't answered his phone but the two of you are simply dating."
My friend is very wise and added, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket for a man you just met. Yes you may like him lbut that's the beauty of dating ... You can date a few people at a time and then make a executive decision when the time was right."
Immediately I started to feel much better. She was right. Yes I was sad and discovered one of my biggest weaknesses. When I start to like someone I really fall hard. I need to simply just date with no expectations and if we are suppose to be..... then we will be. I will say that I hope to hear from Mr. Moorehouse just to know that he is ok. As for our future, only time will tell. Whatever the case I think I'll continue dating and learn to have fun with the process.