No. You don't need a pen to take notes. All you need is a trash can to throw that old list away. In fact, the first thing relationship expert Jack A. Daniels suggests is to take a look at yourself while author Kevin Carr advises women to re-evaluate their preferences that often make relationship goals seem impossible to achieve.
Wedding invites or wedding woes?
I don’t know about you but I’m a social media junkie. However, I’m not one of those who tend to live their lives through popular social media sites. Because of my internet addiction I often find out the latest on everything you can imagine via - Instagram or Facebook. This seems to be exceptionally true when it comes to relationships and those on my friend list that showcase their love online. You can always tell how someone's relationship is doing by reading their status. Well, to a certain degree and depending on what they want to expose and how they want you to perceive it. Likewise, when people get engaged, married or have babies they post it all on social media. I'm starting to believe that the post office will be out of business soon! LOL!
As I quickly approach thirty-something, I have been invited and attended more weddings that I could have ever imagined. Although I'm always up for throwing on a nice dress and some pumps, I can't help but wonder if I will ever be a bride. I'm one of those people who is happy for others when they fall in love, but after every single wedding I attend, I leave wondering if I'm going to have a head full of gray before I walk down the aisle. It seems like my generation comes from an era where weddings are just one big show, and they often forget the symbolism and Coventry that is aligned with marriage. Whenever I attend a wedding I reflect on the beauty of love and I'm reminded that true love still exists, despite all of the hurtful and painful experiences that I may have had. Sometimes weddings can be a bitter sweet experience for a single woman, like myself but as time goes by, my wedding woes have become less and less. I constantly remind myself that marriage should be a reflection of how much you are willing to give up yourself to love someone else unconditionally. So now when I go to weddings I ask myself, “Can you only imagine if you were married now? Not one person that you have been with has been marriage material or willing to give up himself to love you, right?”
Today, I've decided that when my moment comes, I’ll accept those wedding invites to be a reminder of God's imperfect love, that only HE could make perfect. So for now, I will enjoy signing hallmark wedding cards of celebration. Oh and of course I will enjoy wearing a new dress and amazing pumps, as I celebrate a couple’s perfect love.
CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT
Fear Of Being Unloved
Up until this very recent moment in my life, I've never been single. During those periods between relationships I thought I was single, I actually wasn't. It's true that I wasn't involved romantically or sexually by definition, but I still was yet to be single.
After spending my entire 20's in and out of revolving door relationships, I had enough. I entered my 30th year of life with the promise of finding a husband and having a baby. And that's exactly what happened. But after a year in, baby and all, I decided to end my marriage for a myriad of reasons. The biggest reason being is I had entered my marriage already committed to someone else, or better yet, something else. And my commitment totally ruined my relationship, as it had done a million times before.
Before marrying, I thought I was complete. I had a blossoming career, my own house, and a luxury car to symbolize my success all before I hit 30 years-old. I knew I struggled with inner happiness, but for the most part, I was very comfortable with who I was as a person. I was just too damn comfortable. And my ideal mate would be comfortable with who I was as a person, too. But he wasn't...
He never understood my unhappiness, my need to look for external factors to validate me, or that I needed him to be perfect so that I could feel perfect. I was ugly inside, and he was my mirror. A complete ball of mess staring at me every morning and shouting "you insecure little girl, what have you done"? I had no business getting married. I wasn't ready. I was too much in love and committed to fear. Fear of being unloved. Fear of being alone. Fear of being incomplete. Fear of being a single parent. It was the only consisted relationship I had ever known. It's always been around stirring up drama in my physical relationships, highlighting my insecurities, and turning me into some sort of spectacle. It controlled me.
I remember after the birth of my daughter, my depression worsened. I could hardly recognize the woman I become. I was in a loveless marriage not only with my husband, but with myself. I hated myself. There was no way I was going to survive. I had to end the lie and put a stop to the destruction I was causing. I didn't deserve it and neither did my husband. We both deserved happiness, and our daughter deserved a loving home. So I filed for divorce and simultaneously, ended my commitment to my fear of being unloved, alone, and incomplete.
I spent the first year or so after my divorce was finalized dedicating my energy into building a healthy relationship with myself. It was the most difficult experience I've had thus far. I grieved our failed marriage with very little support from friends and family, all while trying to maintain some sort of strength to raise my daughter. My nights were filled with crying spells wondering when the pain was going to end. Little did I know it wasn't just my marriage I was ending, I was also ending the part that prevented me from receiving authentic love.
I had to dig deep into my soul where I had buried my childhood hurts, disappointments from past relationships, and the resentment I held against myself for repeatedly ignoring red flags. I had to learn how to the love and care for me. How do you do that when no one has shown you how? I prayed all day, every day. I let the past go. I denied fear access to my life. In the end, I saw the difference in my attitude, mood, and my choices. I suffered. I recovered. I healed. It has made all the difference. I no longer operate out of fear. I'm finally single, happy and ready for love.
CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT
A True Gem
The very thought that I'm a single woman in my thirties and have never come close to hearing that special question "Will you marry me?" haunts me like a bad dream. Even though that bothers me, it doesn't mean that I'm hopeless. Sometimes, I just wonder if I'll ever hear those words. But until then, I keep my hopes high knowing it will happen.
I will never forget the day that I laid my eyes on the engagement ring section of the Tiffany & Co. catalog. It was beautiful, and nothing short of classic! As I sat on my sofa and shuffled through the pages, I couldn't help but to stare at the the "Tiffany Setting" engagement ring. It was a round solitaire diamond, and it just screamed my name. I instantly fell in love. From that day on, I had in my mind that the man of my dreams would get down on one knee, and ask me to marry him. He would reach in his pocket, and pull out a perfectly wrapped blue box. I would scream in joy, with tears running down my face, as he gracefully slides on the ring. So every month when my Tiffany's book would come in the mail, I would turn straight to the engagement section and stare at my dream ring. I even went as far as printing the picture, and placing it on my refrigerator. It was my constant reminder that I wanted to get married and have a dream wedding.
Well, life didn't exactly happen the way that I imagined. As all of my friends were getting engaged and receiving beautiful rings, I was still daydreaming about that day. To be honest I still often think about getting proposed to by someone special.
One day while having lunch downtown, I decided to treat myself to a little gift. So I took a walk to Tiffany's & Co. Oohh I was so excited. After all, what girl doesn't love a nice piece of jewelry? I walked in and suddenly my heart started pounding out of my chest, while my eyes nearly popped out of the sockets. It's not like the sudden rush of excitement came because it was my first time in the store. That certainly wasn't the case. As I walked over to the counter to look at the new bracelets, I couldn't help but notice a couple shopping for what seemed to be wedding or engagement rings. Apparently I was in some sort of trance and had been ignoring the sales lady who spent about five minutes trying to get my attention. I was simply in a daze. Eventually, I snapped out of it and started on my journey to find a "pick me up piece", or a "pain killer" as I call it! I settled for an infinity necklace. But for some reason, I kept thinking about the engagement rings that were nearby. The sales lady walked away to wrap my purchase. When she came back with my blue Tiffany's bag, I nervously asked her if "I could see the engagement collections". She smiled and said "Are you trying to tell that special somebody, something?” Of course I smiled and told a tiny white lie. I replied, "Yes!” In my heart I knew that the only special person was myself. For years I dreamed about this beauty, so I had to at least touch it! As I sat down, the sales lady pulled out the "Tiffany Setting" round solitaire diamond. My heart skipped a million beats! I suddenly felt the urge of tears ready to roll down my face. Thankfully, I held back my tears and instead held the ring between my thumb and index finger. I didn't want to try it on. Holding the ring was overwhelming in itself.
I'm sometimes bothered at the thought that I may only get close to my dream ring again, or any diamond ring for that matter, by only purchasing it myself. Surprisingly though, a part of me is still optimistic. I'm sure many women dream of the day they are asked to share the rest of their lives with someone. I can't even spend a half of minute with a man. Lol! Until my day comes, I still dream of the man that makes my heart flutter, and the "Tiffany's" ring that comes with him.
I'm sure many single women may feel the exact same way that I often feel. So when you're feeling down please don't torture yourself, and memorize any pages of a jewelry book that has your dream ring in it. Just use the energy and try something new like a pottery class or yoga. Yes having a man get on one knee with a timeless diamond may be my dream, but having Mr. Right by my side is the true gem!
CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT
Ready to bump into Mr. Right
Every night when I go home to an empty apartment it hits me that I’m really single.
During the workweek each day as I drive home, I find myself paying attention for some strange reason to the couples that are having dinner outside of those cute cafes and downtown restaurants and enjoying the warm weather. I would argue that the summer is my least favorite time of the year because all I see are people flooding my timelines on social media with selfies, vacation pictures, or dinner dates while I’m sitting on my sofa watching the same movies on the Lifetime Channel over and over again. That's typically when my mind starts to wonder, questioning myself, "Why in the world am I single?"
Here's a rundown of my weekend. On Friday nights while some single people have dates lined up or at least options, I’m home starring at my iPhone. I tend to vicariously live through other people's excitement on social media as I scroll through my different accounts. Of course I could go through my contact list in my cell phone and reach out to some old flames and go out but the question is, "Do I really want to take steps backwards or better yet pay for my own meal, drive my own car, go to a chain restaurant that I haven’t frequented since college?" I’m sure you already know the answers to those questions. One would think as a city girl living in a place with so many things to do, it would be easy to find a date, but that's simply not the case.
As for my Saturdays, they're even less exciting. On Saturday morning, my day always begins with me making a huge cup of coffee, cooking what I believe is a healthy breakfast and sitting on my enclosed porch. It's the one spot in my apartment where I enjoy staring out of my huge Bay window, sipping coffee and listening to some soothing feel-good music. I then prepare my shopping list for that day, and after breakfast you can usually find me in BJ’s, Walmart, and in most cases Target. After a long day of shopping, I go back home to clean and make sure things are in order in my apartment. If all goes well, I may even hang with friends who are either married or in a relationship headed in that direction. When I do, I'm considered the life of the party. I love to make people laugh and don't let me hit the dance floor. I'm probably the only one with the best moves. Although it's exciting when I'm around my friends who never seem to mind that I'm always solo, you can imagine what it’s really like to always be the third wheel. However, we often try to manage time with just the ladies. Who doesn't love a "Girl's Night Out" thrown into the mix some times?
Then there’s Sunday which is very similar to my Saturday. Next thing you know the weekend passes me by and the weekday cycle repeats…….Work, Home, Dinner for 1 and sleep! The reality is I often put on a smile on my face, but on the inside I always feel ashamed and embarrassed that after all these years, I'm single. And now that I'm in my thirties, I don't know what to expect. My friends are funny though. It's at least four ladies who are always trying to convince me that my time will soon come. I'm told that I should enjoy and embrace my single status.
So that's what I'm trying to do and believe me I have some stories to tell. Yes being single can get a bit lonely, but I'm slowly realizing that it’s also a time of reflection and self-growth. I'm sure true love will find me soon. Until then I'll work on being happily single. Who knows, now that I stopped looking, maybe I'll trip and bump into Mr. Right!