When a guy gives you butterflies…..
To say that I'm nervous is an understatement. Where do I start?
So a really good friend of mine wrote the most unusual yet sincere statuses on social media about her brother. It was his birthday and out of love she posted what I thought to be the sweetest and funniest post about him ever. She not only gave him a birthday shout-out but she also put out an ad for his future wife. It immediately caught my attention. “This is hilarious,” I said to my myself as I burst into laughter. At that moment I also took a closer look at the picture and then I realized that I actually met my friend’s brother many moons ago. I remember as if it took place yesterday. One night while out dancing the night away with my girlfriends, we worked up an appetite and decided to go grab something eat at a local restaurant. When we walked in I saw my friend (the one who posted the social media status honoring her brother) and guess what, he was with her that night. This is all coming back to me because that particular evening my friend’s brother complimented me and thought my blazer and pumps combination was quite stylish. “Thank you,” I said with a smile. We exchanged a few more words, laughed a bit and that was it.
Fast forwarding to the day when my friend posted that warm announcement about her brother, I couldn't help but to reach out to her. She explained to me that although the post was a joke, she was very serious about finding him a date. I thought, “I’m single and maybe I should contact this man.” My friend and I laughed about it and before I knew it we had been texting all day while I was at work, and before I knew it, my friend sent me her brother’s phone number.
I'm certainly not the lady with the three day, three-week, one-month rule, so I texted him later on that night. Surprisingly, he replied right away and by the next day we were on the phone for hours. So far, he’s funny, seems to be a gentlemen and very thoughtful. This is by far the most random connection that I've ever experienced. I'm certainly nervous about our brunch date, and can’t shake these butterflies in my stomach. However, I’m very interested in seeing where this could go. Sometimes we stumble upon things that spark up our lives. My single life has been a journey but it’s also been full of good moments. Trust me you will be hearing more about this guy. In a good way, he makes me nervous and excited at the same time. It’s a feeling I haven't felt in a very long time but a good love story must start somewhere.
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Companionship means Compromise
It's easy to fall in love with the illusion of being in love. The kind of love where you experience nothing but butterflies in your stomach, playful touching, giggles, and the world feeling as if it's standing still when you're with that special someone. Those are all great feelings.
As women we sometimes date and immediately start imagining life with that one special interest who seems simply irresitable. That may not be you but I was 100 percent guilty of behaving this way. Those romantic movies don't help and neither does social media. There's always a friend posting engagement or anniversary pictures with that serious facial expression as if the couple is gazing into each others eyes. "It's sickening," I often think. Well, not really. I'm just overreacting as always but you've seen these pictures on your timeline at least once.
It's really easy to believe that relationships are filled with joy and that you're missing out on life if you're a single woman. The reality is if you allow yourself to get caught up, you may find yourself spending the rest of your life with the wrong person. All because you were pulled into the illusion of being in love and relationships that appear fairytale like on social media. I have several friends who settled but are currently in unhappy relationships.
Today, I too am a married woman and I often hear my single friends complain about life and being alone. I get it because it can be a bit depressing when you walk into an empty house or don't have someone to share a crazy idea with when it pops up in your head. I can name more but the list of things we dislike doing alone can go on and on. However, instead of naming those things, I rather introduce you to two words, patience and compromise.
It hit me not long ago that I am not good at comprominsing. In fact, I can be selfish at times. Everything is mine, mine, mine. Ten years ago, all I was focused on was a significant other while not correcting myself in the wrong. I'm also impatient and want things fast. I know being this way isn't right which is why I encourage single women to take their time when they date. I truly understand that "Give me a ring" attitude because that was me. However, a single friend recently sent me a text that resonated. We barely talk but she's been determined to find love. The text read, "Name the easiest and hardest thing about marriage." I replied with two words. Companionship I named as the easiest and compromise as the hardest.
Limited patience and compromise aren't problems for every single woman because in some cases women compromise the wrong things like integrity and more. However, the recent text certainly made me think that we sometimes focus too much on the easiest part of relationships which is companionship when we ultimately should be working on ourselves, learning how to compromise the "right" things in order to endure challenges while creating healthier relationships.
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Dance to your own music
One thing I always loved to do is dance in the mirror. There are a few songs that immediately get me on the dance floor. Single life doesn’t have to be boring. Just put on your best pumps and crank the music up on your radio. And DANCE!
Get me Bodied-Beyoncé
7/11-Beyonce
Danza Kuduro (feat. Lucenzo)
Just Fine-Mary J. Blige
Push it-Salt-N-Pepa
Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough
Beautiful-Snoop
Shake it off-Taylor Switch
It takes Two-Rob Base
1 Thing (featuring Eve)-Amerie
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Wedding invites or wedding woes?
I don’t know about you but I’m a social media junkie. However, I’m not one of those who tend to live their lives through popular social media sites. Because of my internet addiction I often find out the latest on everything you can imagine via - Instagram or Facebook. This seems to be exceptionally true when it comes to relationships and those on my friend list that showcase their love online. You can always tell how someone's relationship is doing by reading their status. Well, to a certain degree and depending on what they want to expose and how they want you to perceive it. Likewise, when people get engaged, married or have babies they post it all on social media. I'm starting to believe that the post office will be out of business soon! LOL!
As I quickly approach thirty-something, I have been invited and attended more weddings that I could have ever imagined. Although I'm always up for throwing on a nice dress and some pumps, I can't help but wonder if I will ever be a bride. I'm one of those people who is happy for others when they fall in love, but after every single wedding I attend, I leave wondering if I'm going to have a head full of gray before I walk down the aisle. It seems like my generation comes from an era where weddings are just one big show, and they often forget the symbolism and Coventry that is aligned with marriage. Whenever I attend a wedding I reflect on the beauty of love and I'm reminded that true love still exists, despite all of the hurtful and painful experiences that I may have had. Sometimes weddings can be a bitter sweet experience for a single woman, like myself but as time goes by, my wedding woes have become less and less. I constantly remind myself that marriage should be a reflection of how much you are willing to give up yourself to love someone else unconditionally. So now when I go to weddings I ask myself, “Can you only imagine if you were married now? Not one person that you have been with has been marriage material or willing to give up himself to love you, right?”
Today, I've decided that when my moment comes, I’ll accept those wedding invites to be a reminder of God's imperfect love, that only HE could make perfect. So for now, I will enjoy signing hallmark wedding cards of celebration. Oh and of course I will enjoy wearing a new dress and amazing pumps, as I celebrate a couple’s perfect love.
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Computer love….just one click away?
You know one of the humorous things about being single is when you have that one friend who’s now a matchmaker. In my case, I have a few who are matchmakers. Ha! Those so called friend referrals or date set-ups have now turned into dating stories I like to laugh about with friends. The good thing is some of my bad experiences didn't ruin any of my friendships. But there’s something about those conversations now that start off like, “Girl, I've found the perfect guy for you,” that now make my antennas go up.
While I may have closed the door on friends who like to play “matchmaker” I have turned to one thing I’m sure many of us today can identify with and that’s online dating. New research reveals that there is no longer a stigma behind online dating and people have turned to the web to find love. I’m shocked myself considering that I thought traditional, face to face, meet and greets would never go out of style. Of course you know what’s next, I created an online profile. I just had to mostly because my friends strongly suggested I make that a part of my dating experience.
Hmm, what do I say about myself? What picture should I use? These are all important questions especially if you want to snag someone interesting. I’m like another Carrie Bradshaw from the show “Sex in the City.” Of course with a little more flavor and all I want is man that’s smart, respectful and he must have nice teeth. I've attracted a nice range of profile hits and a few have also caught my eye.
It’s exciting to know that there are people out there with fairy-tale stories about women and men of their dreams, being a click away. To date, I have only run into guys that I would prefer not to date seriously. However, my profile is still lingering around in cyberspace. Why not take advantage of this technology enhanced era and increase my chances of meeting someone. According to the Pew Research Center, about 5 percent of American couples, whether married or in a committed relationships, have met their significant others online. And with that information, I know there’s hope for the Carrie Bradshaw’s of the world. I may even give some of those self-proclaimed matchmakers in my life another chance at picking my next date. Who knows, I just may get lucky.
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Ready to bump into Mr. Right
Every night when I go home to an empty apartment it hits me that I’m really single.
During the workweek each day as I drive home, I find myself paying attention for some strange reason to the couples that are having dinner outside of those cute cafes and downtown restaurants and enjoying the warm weather. I would argue that the summer is my least favorite time of the year because all I see are people flooding my timelines on social media with selfies, vacation pictures, or dinner dates while I’m sitting on my sofa watching the same movies on the Lifetime Channel over and over again. That's typically when my mind starts to wonder, questioning myself, "Why in the world am I single?"
Here's a rundown of my weekend. On Friday nights while some single people have dates lined up or at least options, I’m home starring at my iPhone. I tend to vicariously live through other people's excitement on social media as I scroll through my different accounts. Of course I could go through my contact list in my cell phone and reach out to some old flames and go out but the question is, "Do I really want to take steps backwards or better yet pay for my own meal, drive my own car, go to a chain restaurant that I haven’t frequented since college?" I’m sure you already know the answers to those questions. One would think as a city girl living in a place with so many things to do, it would be easy to find a date, but that's simply not the case.
As for my Saturdays, they're even less exciting. On Saturday morning, my day always begins with me making a huge cup of coffee, cooking what I believe is a healthy breakfast and sitting on my enclosed porch. It's the one spot in my apartment where I enjoy staring out of my huge Bay window, sipping coffee and listening to some soothing feel-good music. I then prepare my shopping list for that day, and after breakfast you can usually find me in BJ’s, Walmart, and in most cases Target. After a long day of shopping, I go back home to clean and make sure things are in order in my apartment. If all goes well, I may even hang with friends who are either married or in a relationship headed in that direction. When I do, I'm considered the life of the party. I love to make people laugh and don't let me hit the dance floor. I'm probably the only one with the best moves. Although it's exciting when I'm around my friends who never seem to mind that I'm always solo, you can imagine what it’s really like to always be the third wheel. However, we often try to manage time with just the ladies. Who doesn't love a "Girl's Night Out" thrown into the mix some times?
Then there’s Sunday which is very similar to my Saturday. Next thing you know the weekend passes me by and the weekday cycle repeats…….Work, Home, Dinner for 1 and sleep! The reality is I often put on a smile on my face, but on the inside I always feel ashamed and embarrassed that after all these years, I'm single. And now that I'm in my thirties, I don't know what to expect. My friends are funny though. It's at least four ladies who are always trying to convince me that my time will soon come. I'm told that I should enjoy and embrace my single status.
So that's what I'm trying to do and believe me I have some stories to tell. Yes being single can get a bit lonely, but I'm slowly realizing that it’s also a time of reflection and self-growth. I'm sure true love will find me soon. Until then I'll work on being happily single. Who knows, now that I stopped looking, maybe I'll trip and bump into Mr. Right!