Love

Ten dating tips if you're in your thirties

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Dating over 30 can be a little tricky so I've decided to put a few pointers together for the ladies who are still hoping to find their Prince Charming. Now many of the tips are common sense but you'll be surprised at how many people opt to deal with anything just for companionship.

 

1. "My phone died." - Don't you just want to laugh at this excuse. I'd suggest that he invest in a work charger, car charger, home charger, as well as a 'just because' charger. There is nothing like trying to contact your potential love interest and you just keep getting his voice mail. If this is a common pattern, move on. 


2. Independence is key for travel- it'd be nice if he has a car and if doesn't he should have a means to transportation or willing to take public transportation to reach you.

3. Dating Matters- Now remember he doesn’t have to take you to a 5-star Resturant for the first date but he definitely has to court you! 'Netflix and Chill' should never be an option.

4. If long term is not the goal then neither is the bedroom!

5. If he lives with his mom.....No Thanks! Unless he's working on buying a home. I get it sometimes life calls for taking one step back in order to move 2 steps forward.

6. If he can’t call you then he can’t date you! Texting all night and all day is not ok!

7. If his fingernails are dirty well that’s a sign of his hygiene perhaps not being up to par!

8. Teeth Matter- I have a fetish when it comes to a nice bright smile. I love a clean mouth.

9. Employment is important- He doesn’t have to be Steve Jobs but he does have to job, even while he works toward his career and goals.

10. Family- How he cares for his family especially his mother is how he will treat you.

How to discover the real you with a mirror…..

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What do you see when you look into the mirror? I strongly believe the mirrors in our homes can sometimes be taken as good or the opposite, revealing flaws we often try to conceal. Lately, my super large mirror and I have not been getting along. I usually blame my mirror for everything! I blame my mirror for not recognizing coffee stains on my clothing that I often miss while in a rush or the lipstick that lands on my teeth. However lately I have been blaming my mirror for my constant heartache. Every time I look in the mirror I feel like I'm reminded of a flaw that I didn't see before and no matter how much I change my outer appearance, my mirror always catches the real me. I have been holding on to so much these past few months such heartbreak from yet another failed love interest and sadness because I didn't want to face the truth. The reality is we can't hide from our truth and it's just that simple. We can walk past our mirrors, pretend that they aren't there but eventually we will have to face them and the fact that the person looking back is truly us.

So I've been making a point to not only stop and look in my mirror but confront myself and ask if I really like the person that I've been seeing?! In doing so, I’ve realized that I'm not defined by who I see or by the things that I've gone through. My mirror is just a reminder that the person I see is still here and that person can still grow and change for the better.

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The Girl’s Trip “Flossy Posse” is life

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I'm sure that almost 9 out 10 women have seen the hit movie "Girls Trip." My girls and I were so excited and determined to see it that we found a private screening of the movie that we paid for weeks ahead of time.  In my opinion, it’s definitely safe to say that it was an unforgettable experience. From start to finish I could see myself in everyone of the ladies. I laughed until my abs were tighten. Only thing is I didn’t achieve the six-pack I’d hope for but my laughs were among the sound effects in the theater.  Also, there were periods where I even cried. As I stuffed my face with popcorn, candy and chicken fingers, I realized that my girls have been there for me through some really tough and amazing times. I was so inspired by this movie that I texted one of my closest friends after the movie demanding we create a group name.  All I needed was for her to say it was a good idea and when she did the ideas started to immediately flow.

Just like the "Flossy Posse" in the movie, my friends are some pretty amazing, brilliant, beautiful, sassy, funny women. In short,they’re all one-of-a-kind. My girls have taught me so much about myself. They inspire me to be fearless, to love myself, be bold and to live every single moment as if it were my last. Our lives have changed as we've gotten older but we still find time to get together and laugh and sometimes even cry. I truly would not be the women I am today if it wasn't for my own "Flossy Posse" or as my friend and I have decided to call us the "Sassy & Classy" clique.  They have cried with me and most importantly are my solid rocks. I'm thankful for the movie Girl’s Trip and the illustration of sisterhood among four dynamic women. Not many can say that they have lived their life with a "Flossy Posse" but I can and I have not one regret.

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Single and redefining beauty

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For the past 4-years I have been growing long beautiful locs.  They were pretty and had an array of colors. However, one day I woke up and decided I was going to cut my hair. Rumor has it that when one cuts their hair especially locs then that person is going through some dramatic life altering change.  Now I can't say that is the case for me, but my hair was close to my heart. I felt like it defined my beauty.

I haven't shared that with many people because I didn't want the world to know that my hair had a lot to do with my self-esteem. As my hair grew longer the more compliments I would receive.  In fact, I would get great feedback from the opposite sex. For a long time, I thought my long locs made me prettier.  I also believed that it was one of the key features that attracted men to me. Being single you question so many things about yourself, and my appearance was certainly one of those things. I guess you could say that this is a huge transition on my end.

I truly followed my heart and chopped off my hair even though I considered it an extension of me but realized later it doesn’t define who I am or what I stand for. Surprisingly, I feel very beautiful with my short curly tapered look. Yes, I've gotten many compliments but the greatest was a reminder of my beauty while listening to India Arie.  According to one of her songs, she says "I am not my hair."  

That’s right. My beauty is greater and deeper than what's on the top of my head. It certainly isn't the reason why I'm single.

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Some relationships are for a season.

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Six months ago I thought that my love search was done! I was glowing and always smiling from ear to ear with excitement.That's because I was introduced to a man who I thought was the one. He knew how to make me feel special, laugh and forget all my worries. We used to spend hours together, and I even told my friends about him. I've never desired for them to meet anyone special in my life.

I can't fully explain but one day things became shaky. I figured things would naturally fall back into place.  But it didn't and suddenly my new love interest stopped spending time with me. His excuse was his job and huge workload.  He just completely acted like I didn't exist most days. He would shoot me little texts here and there but for the most part our relationship was going nowhere! We would have talks but we would never resolve the issue. He once said, "I told you this is how my life is during the summer." I always thought aman would go out of his way to spend time with someone when there is love.  Needless to say my fairytale was turning into another failed relationship. Of course yet again I'm embarrassed and humiliated that my time with this man was short lived.  I thought, "How am I going to tell my closest friends and family that love has failed me?" So I decided to keep quiet.  Instead I drowned my sadness with depressing music trying to convince myself what we had wasn't real.

Suddenly I snapped out of my funk and all it took was some encouragement from music by my favorite artist Beyoncé.  In fact, I quickly pulled myself together and reminded myself that it sucks to be him right now! To the left, to the left, he goes ... and yes I loved him like XO but the truth is ... I simply could not see how our 1+1 could ever =2!  Even though I saw his Halo in the beginning surely this man is also replaceable.  Perhaps it's a good thing my relationship didn't work out and yes I may be hurt but just like everything else the pain won't last forever. I'll eventually call my girls and when they ask I will tell them the truth! He just wasn't the one.

At my age, I'm super clear about what I want and what I don't want. Some things I just can't except... and I don't feel guilty about wanting the best for me. So in the words of Beyoncé I'll put that freekum dress on! Haha, I probably won't do that but I will continue to date and when it's right, I hope the relationship will last.

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