Dating: Recipes and Love Potions
We've all needed a little pick me up on those lonely dateless nights or just after that big break up with Mr. Wrong. Here are some of the Best Inspirational Single Tags we've created for Social Media in 2015.
7. The Married Man-I shouldn’t have to list this one but feel it’s necessary. No matter what kind of dream he’s selling, don’t buy it. Know you’re worth so much more than a man that’s already taken.
6. The Pretty Boy - Eye candy isn’t always bad unless that’s the only thing the man is bringing to the table. What’s worse is when a man knows he’s quite attractive and thinks he’s a gift to all women. Of course you want to be able show off your man and gaze into his eyes, just know that there’s more to a man than good looks. Try taking a look at his character.
5. The Mama’s Boy-Been there, done that. A man like this will make your life stressful. You’ll never come first. A man should know the difference between his mother and girlfriend/wife. He should also be willing to stand up to his mother who conveniently interferes in your relationship.
4. The Mystery Man/Quiet- I don’t know about you but a man of very few words sort of freak me out to a degree. I’m not saying all quiet men are suspect but any man that makes it his business to be secretive about any and everything should make your antennas go up. If you’re dating, you should know the basics, like his last name, home address, career, and hobbies. If it’s really serious a bit more and have been introduced to his family.
3. The Lazy One-This is a no brainer, stay away. I don’t care how good he looks, smells or dresses. Trust me; he’s not worth your time. This particular guy has a habit to look for women he says can motivate him. It’s good to be supportive but don’t break your back trying to motivate a grown man that’s obviously looking for an easy ride or free meal ticket.
2. The Popular Guy-This man can be overly friendly at times and always seeking attention. Now, there’s nothing wrong with a friendly man but if you find this one always smiling ear to ear at every woman that looks his way then check him off you list immediately.
1. The Male Chauvinist- If you ever come across a man who believes women are inferior to men then do yourself a favor and run as fast as you can. Sometimes this man poses as a charmer later revealing thoughts of women to be nothing more than objects, laborers and deserving less than equal treatment.
I like to think of myself as a “fashionista” if you will. However, unlike many fashion guru's I have a few signature items that you will always find me in. First and foremost, I will go nowhere without a blazer, even when I'm dressed down I have on a blazer! Next my glasses, although I really need them for my vision, I'm constantly looking at new trendy styles. Finally, my absolute favorite thing ever is my watch! I would always hear my mom say, “You can tell a lot about a man by looking at his watch.” Growing up, I certainly didn't understand what she meant, but as I got older I understood more and more. I absolutely love a man that wears a nice watch! On the contrary, you can always find me in an awesome time piece. I started really getting into watches once I entered the working world shortly after college. My ex would always get me watches. He was an older man who knew a bit more than I did when it came to style. The more I became familiar with watch brands and styles, the more I wanted a new watch. Eventually I was introduced to Michele watches and I wanted nothing else! Michele watches are beautiful, timeless, and classy.
One day on vacation, my ex and I decided to go shopping together. We walked into a fancy high-end department store, and there she was... a beautiful and bold watch. This time piece screamed classy lady and I had to have her! At this point the both of us had been together for a few years, so it was only right that a girl gets an awesome gift every now again. He didn't get the Michele that day, but a few months later for my birthday he gave me a gorgeous round classic Michele. At that moment it hit me. All these years that we had been together, the only piece of jewelry he had given me was a watch. Even though the hands on the watch were moving, our relationship was standing still. The engagement ring I had always dreamed about was just a figment of my imagination. The only diamonds I came close to were the ones in my watch collection. The only symbol of my ex's love that I ever saw was through the hands of a watch. The hands were moving and time was forever ticking. I finally realized that as time continued to pass us by, our relationship had ran its course. I was never going to be his wife. Today, I still love collecting watches especially from a nice designer. However, I long for the moment my arm candy is sparkling right along with my left ring finger.
I don’t know about you but I’m a social media junkie. However, I’m not one of those who tend to live their lives through popular social media sites. Because of my internet addiction I often find out the latest on everything you can imagine via - Instagram or Facebook. This seems to be exceptionally true when it comes to relationships and those on my friend list that showcase their love online. You can always tell how someone's relationship is doing by reading their status. Well, to a certain degree and depending on what they want to expose and how they want you to perceive it. Likewise, when people get engaged, married or have babies they post it all on social media. I'm starting to believe that the post office will be out of business soon! LOL!
As I quickly approach thirty-something, I have been invited and attended more weddings that I could have ever imagined. Although I'm always up for throwing on a nice dress and some pumps, I can't help but wonder if I will ever be a bride. I'm one of those people who is happy for others when they fall in love, but after every single wedding I attend, I leave wondering if I'm going to have a head full of gray before I walk down the aisle. It seems like my generation comes from an era where weddings are just one big show, and they often forget the symbolism and Coventry that is aligned with marriage. Whenever I attend a wedding I reflect on the beauty of love and I'm reminded that true love still exists, despite all of the hurtful and painful experiences that I may have had. Sometimes weddings can be a bitter sweet experience for a single woman, like myself but as time goes by, my wedding woes have become less and less. I constantly remind myself that marriage should be a reflection of how much you are willing to give up yourself to love someone else unconditionally. So now when I go to weddings I ask myself, “Can you only imagine if you were married now? Not one person that you have been with has been marriage material or willing to give up himself to love you, right?”
Today, I've decided that when my moment comes, I’ll accept those wedding invites to be a reminder of God's imperfect love, that only HE could make perfect. So for now, I will enjoy signing hallmark wedding cards of celebration. Oh and of course I will enjoy wearing a new dress and amazing pumps, as I celebrate a couple’s perfect love.
The simple answer for some single women, who question their “alone” status, lies in the statistics. Well that’s at least what I think. According to Wikipedia, men actually outnumber women across the world but fortunately in the United States the ratio of men and women is nearly even with 98 men to 100 women. Although, statistics show the number of men has gradually increased each year since the sixties, it doesn't look that way everywhere across the globe. For an example, Caribbean Islands has the highest ratio of women with 84 men per 100 women.
Before I met my significant other, I remember dating as fun. Pretty much something my father pushed me into doing. It was 2006, and I was living at home with my parents. I've always had lots of friends but back then I would spend a lot of time relaxing in my room by myself. Until one day, my father said, “Girl this is as young as you’re going to ever look, get out of the house and have some fun.” That’s all it took. I immediately stopped turning down calls to go out. I learned how to really manage my social life while setting aside appropriate time for my career. Literally every night I had something on my calendar. Dating for me started out as simple friendships with some folks. I've always loved meeting new people and sparking up conversations with random people even if it was at the grocery store.
But during my early twenties, I still wasn’t that optimistic about my romantic future. I had several moments where I questioned whether or not I would meet prince charming. In fact, there were even times, when I would be out and look at other couples and scream, “WHY” in my head. “Why is he with her?” I would ask myself all the routine questions some single women tend to whisper to themselves. I remember a friend of mine called me once to share some good news. A quick glance at my cell phone, I didn’t recognize the number but I recognized the voice as soon as I answered. “Guess what,” she said. Very calmly I said, “What, do you have to tell me?” The surprise was that she was engaged to get married. Of course I immediately became happy especially because I knew her most private struggles with men. It also hit me at that same moment that maybe I’m doing something wrong.
I understand today, with computers and social media “dating” has really become tainted. Some people have become too comfortable with sending text messages or communicating through social media platforms. That I can truly see as a challenge alone. I consider myself fairly young but still very old school. I always wanted to see a person’s face during an intimate conversation, take a long walk, have dinner and melt at the sight of the man going ahead to open the door for me. Is that too much to ask? Absolutely not! I became more determine to not waste my time on men who weren’t the traditional gentlemen. I started to check off men who couldn’t hold an intelligent conversation and made sure I didn’t date someone because of their height, or any other physical appearances.
I wish I had a secret formula for dating. What worked for me will not work for every person looking to settle down with the right one. I can only suggest keeping your standards high, and saying no to all those gut feelings that tell you to settle. Who says you have to be married by 25, 30 or 40 years old for all of that? Who are you racing against? I have to constantly remind myself of that in other areas of my life so trust me you’re not alone. Don’t be deterred by the ratio of men to women. Just get out for the right reasons, let your hair down, dance like no one is watching and enjoy every moment of your life. Whether you’re sharing those moments alone or with someone special, you’ll quickly see as you start to do that, things will turn around for the better, even if the only thing that improves is your social life. Statistics show people who have lots of good friendships live longer.
The very thought that I'm a single woman in my thirties and have never come close to hearing that special question "Will you marry me?" haunts me like a bad dream. Even though that bothers me, it doesn't mean that I'm hopeless. Sometimes, I just wonder if I'll ever hear those words. But until then, I keep my hopes high knowing it will happen.
I will never forget the day that I laid my eyes on the engagement ring section of the Tiffany & Co. catalog. It was beautiful, and nothing short of classic! As I sat on my sofa and shuffled through the pages, I couldn't help but to stare at the the "Tiffany Setting" engagement ring. It was a round solitaire diamond, and it just screamed my name. I instantly fell in love. From that day on, I had in my mind that the man of my dreams would get down on one knee, and ask me to marry him. He would reach in his pocket, and pull out a perfectly wrapped blue box. I would scream in joy, with tears running down my face, as he gracefully slides on the ring. So every month when my Tiffany's book would come in the mail, I would turn straight to the engagement section and stare at my dream ring. I even went as far as printing the picture, and placing it on my refrigerator. It was my constant reminder that I wanted to get married and have a dream wedding.
Well, life didn't exactly happen the way that I imagined. As all of my friends were getting engaged and receiving beautiful rings, I was still daydreaming about that day. To be honest I still often think about getting proposed to by someone special.
One day while having lunch downtown, I decided to treat myself to a little gift. So I took a walk to Tiffany's & Co. Oohh I was so excited. After all, what girl doesn't love a nice piece of jewelry? I walked in and suddenly my heart started pounding out of my chest, while my eyes nearly popped out of the sockets. It's not like the sudden rush of excitement came because it was my first time in the store. That certainly wasn't the case. As I walked over to the counter to look at the new bracelets, I couldn't help but notice a couple shopping for what seemed to be wedding or engagement rings. Apparently I was in some sort of trance and had been ignoring the sales lady who spent about five minutes trying to get my attention. I was simply in a daze. Eventually, I snapped out of it and started on my journey to find a "pick me up piece", or a "pain killer" as I call it! I settled for an infinity necklace. But for some reason, I kept thinking about the engagement rings that were nearby. The sales lady walked away to wrap my purchase. When she came back with my blue Tiffany's bag, I nervously asked her if "I could see the engagement collections". She smiled and said "Are you trying to tell that special somebody, something?” Of course I smiled and told a tiny white lie. I replied, "Yes!” In my heart I knew that the only special person was myself. For years I dreamed about this beauty, so I had to at least touch it! As I sat down, the sales lady pulled out the "Tiffany Setting" round solitaire diamond. My heart skipped a million beats! I suddenly felt the urge of tears ready to roll down my face. Thankfully, I held back my tears and instead held the ring between my thumb and index finger. I didn't want to try it on. Holding the ring was overwhelming in itself.
I'm sometimes bothered at the thought that I may only get close to my dream ring again, or any diamond ring for that matter, by only purchasing it myself. Surprisingly though, a part of me is still optimistic. I'm sure many women dream of the day they are asked to share the rest of their lives with someone. I can't even spend a half of minute with a man. Lol! Until my day comes, I still dream of the man that makes my heart flutter, and the "Tiffany's" ring that comes with him.
I'm sure many single women may feel the exact same way that I often feel. So when you're feeling down please don't torture yourself, and memorize any pages of a jewelry book that has your dream ring in it. Just use the energy and try something new like a pottery class or yoga. Yes having a man get on one knee with a timeless diamond may be my dream, but having Mr. Right by my side is the true gem!
Every night when I go home to an empty apartment it hits me that I’m really single.
During the workweek each day as I drive home, I find myself paying attention for some strange reason to the couples that are having dinner outside of those cute cafes and downtown restaurants and enjoying the warm weather. I would argue that the summer is my least favorite time of the year because all I see are people flooding my timelines on social media with selfies, vacation pictures, or dinner dates while I’m sitting on my sofa watching the same movies on the Lifetime Channel over and over again. That's typically when my mind starts to wonder, questioning myself, "Why in the world am I single?"
Here's a rundown of my weekend. On Friday nights while some single people have dates lined up or at least options, I’m home starring at my iPhone. I tend to vicariously live through other people's excitement on social media as I scroll through my different accounts. Of course I could go through my contact list in my cell phone and reach out to some old flames and go out but the question is, "Do I really want to take steps backwards or better yet pay for my own meal, drive my own car, go to a chain restaurant that I haven’t frequented since college?" I’m sure you already know the answers to those questions. One would think as a city girl living in a place with so many things to do, it would be easy to find a date, but that's simply not the case.
As for my Saturdays, they're even less exciting. On Saturday morning, my day always begins with me making a huge cup of coffee, cooking what I believe is a healthy breakfast and sitting on my enclosed porch. It's the one spot in my apartment where I enjoy staring out of my huge Bay window, sipping coffee and listening to some soothing feel-good music. I then prepare my shopping list for that day, and after breakfast you can usually find me in BJ’s, Walmart, and in most cases Target. After a long day of shopping, I go back home to clean and make sure things are in order in my apartment. If all goes well, I may even hang with friends who are either married or in a relationship headed in that direction. When I do, I'm considered the life of the party. I love to make people laugh and don't let me hit the dance floor. I'm probably the only one with the best moves. Although it's exciting when I'm around my friends who never seem to mind that I'm always solo, you can imagine what it’s really like to always be the third wheel. However, we often try to manage time with just the ladies. Who doesn't love a "Girl's Night Out" thrown into the mix some times?
Then there’s Sunday which is very similar to my Saturday. Next thing you know the weekend passes me by and the weekday cycle repeats…….Work, Home, Dinner for 1 and sleep! The reality is I often put on a smile on my face, but on the inside I always feel ashamed and embarrassed that after all these years, I'm single. And now that I'm in my thirties, I don't know what to expect. My friends are funny though. It's at least four ladies who are always trying to convince me that my time will soon come. I'm told that I should enjoy and embrace my single status.
So that's what I'm trying to do and believe me I have some stories to tell. Yes being single can get a bit lonely, but I'm slowly realizing that it’s also a time of reflection and self-growth. I'm sure true love will find me soon. Until then I'll work on being happily single. Who knows, now that I stopped looking, maybe I'll trip and bump into Mr. Right!
Being successful and single is interesting to say the least. By day I'm a power house in the world of education but by night I'm a single 30-year-old woman who spends the night watching bad reality television shows and making lavish meals for one. Many believe that single life is full of excitement including lots of hot dates but that hasn't been my reality. Dating has almost been non-existent and the ones I have been on ......What can I say? That's another story. Yes I can date whoever, have a variety of men calling me every day, have wild nights but instead I spend my time at home wondering what it's like to have someone. I often wonder what it would be like to have a man daydream about me as much as I daydream about them, send me cards and texts for no reason and simply love me. So here I am, a single woman, living the dream, or perhaps wishing my dream of not being single would come true. Some say it's a lonely life. I say it has given me clarity about dating and specifically allows me to do what I want and cut out all I do not want at this time.
However, it wasn't always this way. Let me tell you about a man I call my “Orange Moon”. The name stems from Erykah Badu’s song, Orange Moon where she describes a very deep relationship. She considers herself an orange moon reflecting the bright light of the sun onto someone. I will never forget the first time I heard that song. It was the fall of my freshman year of college. I instantly fell in love with the words. Badu’s metaphors stuck to my heart like glue and although I was still a young lady back then, I knew exactly where she was coming from. You see that summer before I returned back to school I had met my own "Orange Moon" and we instantly had this authentic yet natural connection. It was the summer of 2003, and I was working at a community center for an awesome program called Philadelphia Freedom Schools. The program served as a positive summer program for students, through mentorship and positive role models. With that, we had to go away to Tennessee in order to be trained for the program. We stayed at the University of Tennessee with thousands of other people who were being trained for their programs, at their individual sites. Every day we would have team building, workshops, and most of all time to bond with individuals from various walks of life. It was during this time I laid my eyes on my "Orange Moon". I was so intrigued by him and he instantly had my attention. By some divine connection we became friends and even after we left training, we stayed in contact. Although, we weren't dating, he always treated me like I was more than just his friend. I remember the first time I stayed overnight at his place. I woke up to breakfast in bed and the sweet smell of scented candles. That's the very day I decided to call him my orange moon. I felt special because of the bright light he reflected on my life. It also seemed appropriate because that's exactly what the sunset looked like through his dark colored curtains, an orange moon. Very little words were exchanged then but his heart spoke to me and at that point I knew he loved me. As friends we hadn't crossed any lines at that point although it appeared something was different.
Years later our friendship blossomed. In fact, one day I received a very random phone call from him. Ironically we ended up tutoring for the same after-school program, and we were both trying to figure out life. At the time, he had a girlfriend. I was single and periodically we carpooled together for our commute. It was just like old times, we would laugh and joke and reminisce about our past. Then one late night, he called me and said that he needed to talk to me. Keep in mind we were best friends at this point, so it was nothing new. "What could he possibly need to talk about," I thought. But his words were firm. He needed to see me in person and of course the next day I went. When I arrived at his house, he was outside and he took me by the hand and hugged me. He began to speak but his words started to sound all mumbled together. The one thing I did hear was how much he loved me. He addressed me by the nickname, "Vanilla Chai". He said, "No one knows me like you. I've tried and you've tried. You've even had someone on and off for ten years. Let's just try us." I was taken back. I didn't know what to say. I knew everything about this man including the names of girls he dated and all his secrets!!! "So how will this ever work?" I thought.
But against my better decisions, I did it! Unfortunately all of the stories I've heard from friends, who fell in love, married, and had children didn’t come close to our ending. Our love was very short lived. It was the both of us. We could never take one another out of the friend zone and frankly there were things that I hated when we were friends, so when we got together, it bothered me even more. I suppressed so many things like the fact that I absolutely hated that we kept a tab on who paid for which date at which time. He never really courted me. I hated that he smoked and the intimacy between us wasn't what I had expected. I would often complain to my friends, but never to him.
What was happening to us? Our relationship quickly spiraled out of control after I took a much needed trip with my girls to Las Vegas. I was going to celebrate my 26th birthday. Prior to the trip, my best male friend turned boyfriend kept asking me what I wanted to do when I got back from Vegas. I would simply give him very vague answers, because at that point I wasn't sure if we were right for each other.
That weekend in Las Vegas, I didn't call or text. I sort of decided that I was over it. When I came home he texted and said he couldn't take me out but he would cook a birthday meal for me. I was quite annoyed at the gesture and wanted something more. So I became upset and that man truly knew me because he knew I was pissed. He was use to my random shut downs (I know now that shut downs don't deal with issues). I neglected to tell you that I'm the only child so I'm used to getting spoiled. For weeks we didn't talk, even though he asked daily for me to open up. So you know what happened next, we ended our relationship. And that's the beginning of my dating woes. Looking back perhaps if I had opened up, things would have been different. He was truly my best male friend and the last thing that I would have wanted was for us to dislike one another.
However, one thing was for certain, he was my orange moon. He reflected his light onto me. He always gave great advice and our connection was truly genuine.
I won't deny it. I guess I did sabotage our relationship while in Vegas by my lack of communication and hurt feelings. Nevertheless, each time I hear Erykah sing, "I'm an Orange Moon," I will forever think of him and smile.
