Childless without choice

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5 Thought-Provoking Quotes to Ease the Peer Pressure to Have Kids

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Not all childfree women are barren. Some women may have lost children early in their lives and never had more. Whatever the situation, some celebrities managed to have refreshingly honest conversations about a very personal subject to empower women. Remember it could always be a decision to opt out of parenting and the pressure to have children. Childfree women are far from incomplete and we have some celebrity quotes to help you see that womanhood is not always synonymous with motherhood.

  • "I try not to listen to the shoulds or coulds, and try to get beyond expectations, peer pressure, or trying to please—and just listen. I believe all the answers are ultimately within us. When I answered those questions regarding having children, I realized that so much of the pressure I was feeling was from outside sources, and I knew I wasn't ready to take that step into motherhood." ​​—Kim Cattrall, O Magazine, 2003

  • “I’m happy, but the fact that I'm not married and don't have kids — it's taken me a long time to get to a place where I actually am OK with that, where I actually don't feel like I'm some sort of loser."—Rashida Jones, The Guardian, 2014

  • "I've thought about this a lot lately. I never thought I'd be this age and not have kids. But my life has also gone in a million ways I never anticipated. I kept feeling like I'd wake up with absolute clarity, and I haven't. And we have a pretty great life together. The chance that we'll regret it doesn't seem like a compelling enough reason to do it. I may wake up tomorrow with that lightning bolt, and I'll have to scramble to make it happen."—Jennifer Westfeldt, New York Times, 2012

  • "Of course I wonder what that would be like but, your destiny is your destiny and I can't imagine, if by some miracle I got pregnant…at this point in my life, I wonder, could I even manage that? It would be a lie to say there's not a bit of sadness there, but I don't get caught up in it."—Kylie Minogue, The Sunday Times, 2018

  • “So here I am sorting out what MY LIFE looks like when it’s fully mine, it takes a certain bravery to do that. It means risking being misunderstood, perceived as alone and broken, having no one to focus on, fall into or hide behind, having to be my own support and having to stretch and find family love and connection outside of the traditional places. But, I want to do it. I want to be the Brave Me, the real me, the one whose life is my own.”—Tracee Ellis Ross, Ebony Magazine, 2017

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How to Date When You're Childfree Not By Choice

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Enter each relationship honestly, being true to yourself, and keeping your eyes wide open.

For many women, dating is already an Olympic sport. Going through the dating process with candidates who appear to be one person only to transform into someone else later down the line is exhausting. The dating pool can seem extremely shallow at times, while you may find yourself jumping into the deep end at other times. The long and short of it all is that dating is an often complicated process.

This process, however, is further complicated by fertility challenges such as PCOS, hormonal imbalance, and infertility. Many women were raised to aspire to motherhood. It has gotten to a place where the value of a woman is hinged on her ability to “give her husband a child.” The effect of this is not an assumption. Many women admittedly tick “relationship goals” boxes; however, when the issue of marriage and children is raised, and the truth is revealed, they find themselves alone… again.

Take, for example, a young Christian woman in her late teenage years who has struggled her whole life with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). This is made worse by an earlier misdiagnosis and the administration of the wrong medication. As she approaches her 20s, she is told that if she does not have a child before she turns 25 years old, the maternity window will slam shut for her for good.

This young woman, we’ll call her Jane Doe, desperately wants a child, but she has two main problems. One, she is not married, and it goes against her beliefs to have a child outside of marriage, and two, she lives with her parents, who share her faith.

The shame of her medical condition is so overwhelming that she decides not to tell her family, and she also decides that she is willing to go against what she believes in. This makes her miserable, but she convinces herself that if she can get a child at the end of it all, then it will be worth it. She becomes sexually active with her boyfriend, who is much older than she is and ready to start a family.

Eventually, she moves out of her parents' house, and their relationship becomes strained. Still, she is convinced that everything would work out just fine if she could just have a baby. Her desperation to become a mother causes her to ignore the most blatant red flags in her relationship. Her boyfriend loses his patience with her but does not have the decency to end the relationship, and she is so blinded by the rapidly closing window that she doesn’t end it herself. Eventually, and in the worst way possible, she learns that her boyfriend has been seeing someone else. Not only that, but they are expecting their first child.

She is heartbroken, devastated, and by now, 25 years old. She was so terrified of losing him and the opportunity to have a child that she lost herself.

Now, both sides of the relationship have to take responsibility for their contribution to the ultimate breakdown of the relationship. If you just thought that Jane’s contribution was failing to have a child, then you missed the point. She contributed to the deterioration of the relationship by not being fully present. Her willingness to ignore red flags all in the name of having a child caused her to do more harm than good.

If you are single and childless for medical reasons, you should not feel like less of a woman. You are still valuable and worthy of love, loyalty, and affection. You should enter each relationship honestly, being true to yourself, and keeping your eyes wide open. When the time is right, inform your partner of your medical condition. Until then, be sure to address the red flags and take things slowly. This will give you sufficient time to decide for yourself whether or not this is a person worth revealing your infertility to. Ensure that he is emotionally mature enough to handle this information, regardless of his decision. And remember, just because you cannot bring a child into the world does not mean you deserve to be alone. You are more than just a womb; you are a woman. 

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5 Getaway locations for Childfree Adults

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There are many reasons why women aren’t having kids these days, whether they want to save money, to focus on themselves, or they’re in the IVF process with their partner, that decision should be respected by family and friends. No matter what your reason is for not bearing children at the moment, everyone deserves a little self-care (especially after the year we’ve had) which is why we’ve created a list of 5-weekend getaway locations in the United States for you to visit to unwind, relax, and indulge in a little me time. 

  • Post Ranch Inn - Big Sur, California – Big Sur continues every year to be a beloved vacation spot for anyone needing a getaway. For this location, you’ll want to head to Post Ranch Inn, where you get majestic views of the Santa Lucia Mountains from your room, as well as award-winning cuisine, specialized spa treatments like no other, and bonus, the resort doesn’t allow any kids, which gives you plenty of room indulge in all that Big Sur has to offer.

  • Hallmark Resort – Cannon Beach, Oregon – This one’s for the romantic getaway you’ve been meaning to take with your partner, I mean come on, it’s in the name. Hallmark Resort is located on one of the most beautiful stretches of Oregon’s shore overlooking Haystack Rock, a location many people jot down on their itinerary each year. The resort sits a few steps from the beach where you get to explore colorful tide pools and an array of sea life. The resort also features a spa and wellness center, as well as heated saltwater pools, a sauna, and complimentary bike rentals for those times when you want to adventure out.

  • Little Palm Island Resort and Spa – Little Torch Key, Florida – So exclusive that you have to take a small plane or boat to get there, this resort sits a few feet from some of the most crystal-clear water you’ll ever see. At your arrival, you’ll be greeted with champagne waiting for you and the chance to walk just a few steps out to the gorgeous ocean view that’s all yours for the weekend. Nap during the day in a hammock or walk along the snow-white sandy beaches and try and spot vibrant coral or the fish that call it home.

  • Lake Austin Spa and Resort - Austin, Texas – Keep Austin weird they say, and while we love the vibrant energy this city carries, just a little further out of the city and you hit the beautiful Texas Hill Country. Lake Austin resort is the perfect secluded vacation to take yourself on or go with your partner. They offer all-inclusive packages, gourmet cuisine, and access to the lake for some water activities or tanning.

  • Triple Creek Ranch – Darby, Montana – We know a good beach trip is always relaxing but we had to add a location that would help take you out of the stressful city environment and right into the Montana wilderness for some much-needed R&R. This ranch offers you the chance to stay in a lavish cabin or ranch home. They have cozy fireplaces, hot tubes, and activities like hiking, dog sledding, and golfing.