Childless and on trial.....
Many women whether childless by choice or those struggling with infertility often feel pressure from others to have a baby just to feel normal. Some questions or comments are rude even if they don't come from ill-intentions.
According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), 1 in 8 couples have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. In fact, researchers say one-third of infertility is attributed to the female partner, one-third attributed to the male partner and one-third is caused by a combination of problems in both partners or, is unexplained.
It's natural to want to catch up with a friend, or spark up a conversation with a co-worker especially if they're married. We're told first comes love, then comes marriage, and later a baby carriage. But that's not always the case for couples.
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THINK before you ask......
When are you having a baby? Are you pregnant? Do you want children? Those are just a few of the questions I’ve heard since getting married. Sure they all seem like routine innocent questions but to any woman trying to conceive, those questions can come off a bit rude, insensitive and offensive.
“What’s up with all the questions,” the small voice usually screams in my head. You see as a little girl, I would always dream about making my parents happy. A few of the goals I’ve accomplished was graduating from college, climbing the ranks in my career, and getting married. Another goal was to get pregnant and grow a healthy successful family of my own. To date, I have everything except the baby. However, I put enough pressure on myself thinking about conceiving a child and the load of questions from others don’t help my sanity at all. As I quickly approach my late thirties, I find myself running out of excuses when dodging “baby” questions. “Why do I dance around those questions?” The answer is fear of being judged and being the focus of one’s gossip.
The truth is I am a Black woman who is childless. I have no idea why this is my story. This is something I did not choose for myself but I’m learning to live this truth and embrace my situation. No, I’m not cursed. No, I’m not a sad story because I don’t have children. Finally, No I’m not miserable. I’m only sensitive to the subject when people bombard me with questions and add their two cents about my childless situation. I know I’m not alone. I’m sure this hits close to home to women of all races plagued by fertility challenges. My hope is that as I accept my truth, I encourage others to walk in their truths. This is the season when many of us on the journey to conceive are flooded with “baby” questions. On Thanksgiving, I reminded myself to just be thankful not just for a moment but every single day. What ever you celebrate, don’t let those family gatherings this year take a terrible turn because of the overwhelming amount of baby questions. “Hold your head up high,” I scream. Answer those questions and stand firm in your truth.