Enter each relationship honestly, being true to yourself, and keeping your eyes wide open.
For many women, dating is already an Olympic sport. Going through the dating process with candidates who appear to be one person only to transform into someone else later down the line is exhausting. The dating pool can seem extremely shallow at times, while you may find yourself jumping into the deep end at other times. The long and short of it all is that dating is an often complicated process.
This process, however, is further complicated by fertility challenges such as PCOS, hormonal imbalance, and infertility. Many women were raised to aspire to motherhood. It has gotten to a place where the value of a woman is hinged on her ability to “give her husband a child.” The effect of this is not an assumption. Many women admittedly tick “relationship goals” boxes; however, when the issue of marriage and children is raised, and the truth is revealed, they find themselves alone… again.
Take, for example, a young Christian woman in her late teenage years who has struggled her whole life with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). This is made worse by an earlier misdiagnosis and the administration of the wrong medication. As she approaches her 20s, she is told that if she does not have a child before she turns 25 years old, the maternity window will slam shut for her for good.
This young woman, we’ll call her Jane Doe, desperately wants a child, but she has two main problems. One, she is not married, and it goes against her beliefs to have a child outside of marriage, and two, she lives with her parents, who share her faith.
The shame of her medical condition is so overwhelming that she decides not to tell her family, and she also decides that she is willing to go against what she believes in. This makes her miserable, but she convinces herself that if she can get a child at the end of it all, then it will be worth it. She becomes sexually active with her boyfriend, who is much older than she is and ready to start a family.
Eventually, she moves out of her parents' house, and their relationship becomes strained. Still, she is convinced that everything would work out just fine if she could just have a baby. Her desperation to become a mother causes her to ignore the most blatant red flags in her relationship. Her boyfriend loses his patience with her but does not have the decency to end the relationship, and she is so blinded by the rapidly closing window that she doesn’t end it herself. Eventually, and in the worst way possible, she learns that her boyfriend has been seeing someone else. Not only that, but they are expecting their first child.
She is heartbroken, devastated, and by now, 25 years old. She was so terrified of losing him and the opportunity to have a child that she lost herself.
Now, both sides of the relationship have to take responsibility for their contribution to the ultimate breakdown of the relationship. If you just thought that Jane’s contribution was failing to have a child, then you missed the point. She contributed to the deterioration of the relationship by not being fully present. Her willingness to ignore red flags all in the name of having a child caused her to do more harm than good.
If you are single and childless for medical reasons, you should not feel like less of a woman. You are still valuable and worthy of love, loyalty, and affection. You should enter each relationship honestly, being true to yourself, and keeping your eyes wide open. When the time is right, inform your partner of your medical condition. Until then, be sure to address the red flags and take things slowly. This will give you sufficient time to decide for yourself whether or not this is a person worth revealing your infertility to. Ensure that he is emotionally mature enough to handle this information, regardless of his decision. And remember, just because you cannot bring a child into the world does not mean you deserve to be alone. You are more than just a womb; you are a woman.
