Childless and on trial.....
"Things Not to Say to Childless Women" is a thought provoking video of some of the questions and comments women whether "childless by choice" or struggling with infertility hear too often. The hope is that people stop to think before asking insensitive questions or making such comments.
Many women whether childless by choice or those struggling with infertility often feel pressure from others to have a baby just to feel normal. Some questions or comments are rude even if they don't come from ill-intentions.
According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), 1 in 8 couples have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. In fact, researchers say one-third of infertility is attributed to the female partner, one-third attributed to the male partner and one-third is caused by a combination of problems in both partners or, is unexplained.
It's natural to want to catch up with a friend, or spark up a conversation with a co-worker especially if they're married. We're told first comes love, then comes marriage, and later a baby carriage. But that's not always the case for couples.
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THINK before you ask......
When are you having a baby? Are you pregnant? Do you want children? Those are just a few of the questions I’ve heard since getting married. Sure they all seem like routine innocent questions but to any woman trying to conceive, those questions can come off a bit rude, insensitive and offensive.
“What’s up with all the questions,” the small voice usually screams in my head. You see as a little girl, I would always dream about making my parents happy. A few of the goals I’ve accomplished was graduating from college, climbing the ranks in my career, and getting married. Another goal was to get pregnant and grow a healthy successful family of my own. To date, I have everything except the baby. However, I put enough pressure on myself thinking about conceiving a child and the load of questions from others don’t help my sanity at all. As I quickly approach my late thirties, I find myself running out of excuses when dodging “baby” questions. “Why do I dance around those questions?” The answer is fear of being judged and being the focus of one’s gossip.
The truth is I am a Black woman who is childless. I have no idea why this is my story. This is something I did not choose for myself but I’m learning to live this truth and embrace my situation. No, I’m not cursed. No, I’m not a sad story because I don’t have children. Finally, No I’m not miserable. I’m only sensitive to the subject when people bombard me with questions and add their two cents about my childless situation. I know I’m not alone. I’m sure this hits close to home to women of all races plagued by fertility challenges. My hope is that as I accept my truth, I encourage others to walk in their truths. This is the season when many of us on the journey to conceive are flooded with “baby” questions. On Thanksgiving, I reminded myself to just be thankful not just for a moment but every single day. What ever you celebrate, don’t let those family gatherings this year take a terrible turn because of the overwhelming amount of baby questions. “Hold your head up high,” I scream. Answer those questions and stand firm in your truth.