5 things the workplace can learn from childless women

Often times people assume women without children have a ton of free time to do one thing......work. So you're the first person called into the office for late or overnight shifts. Why is that? Maybe it's because childless women aren't respected in the workplace? I certainly feel this way.I'm sure this is all to familiar to single women too. Now, what if you're married? Does that mean, childless couples struggle to figure out what to do with their free time?

If you're exhausted because you're childless then here's a list of 5 things you can share with co-workers even some family members and friends to ensure them that you're not twiddling your fingers at home.

1. Childless women and couples know how to have fun: Yes, surprising but true and they often look forward to the weekend because they're child-free. Bingo!
2. Lazy time is necessary: We may not have children to feed, bathe and spend time with but oversleeping on a Sunday is not a crime.
3. Self-care is crucial: When you're childless, you can often find at least 10 things to do for yourself especially if you always have a jam packed calendar. Martini and manicure anyone?
4. Impromptu becomes the norm in life: I'm not talking about last minute calls or requests from your boss to work late but impromptu happy hour events or evenings with friends who may suddenly visit from out of time. FYI: spouses actually like to surprise their loved ones with quick getaways or romantic walks through the park or at the beach.
5. Explanations are a health hazard: Never offer an explanation as to why you can't work late or cater to someone else's needs. It's very rude for people to manage your child-free time. Duh!

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Infertility gave me a purpose

Nearly five years later and still no baby. I hold up well most days. It's a life I had to get used to even though every once in awhile a pregnancy announcement takes me back to the period where I was desperate to have a baby.

Some couples really get creative with their pregnancy announcements. Then there's the couple that blurt out the joyful news. 

"I'm pregnant," I shouted in my head. Is that how I would deliver the news? At one time I used to daydream about how I would announce my pregnancy.  Those wishful moments kept me encouraged when I was trying to conceive.  Whatever the case, if I had the opportunity I would prefer to be creative with the announcement instead of blurting it out. 

Recently, that's exactly what happened to me. A friend during a phone conversation just randomly said, "I'm expecting another baby." I was caught off guard.  The soft outburst made me freeze, immediately causing my stomach to tighten and I quietly became filled with sadness. It was a feeling I haven't felt in awhile. Inwardly I screamed, "Why is this my life?"  

In a matter of seconds, I snapped back to reality and realized my friend was still on the phone. The silence may have confused her but I needed that moment before I replied, "That's great news. I'm so happy for you."  Three years earlier, my friend experienced fertility challenges. She eventually conceived naturally after a series of treatments. Now, she's pregnant with her second child. Again she conceived naturally after seeking fertility help. 

So many things were going through my mind during that phone call. I wanted to immediately end the conversation or at least scream to the top of my lungs to blow off steam.  I managed to stay on the phone though and smile but as soon as that call ended I went into deep thought. I began asking myself a series of questions. 

"Do you want children? Why do you want children? Are you seriously okay without having any children? What would your life be like right now if you achieved what you prayed for five years ago," are just a few of the questions that I've asked myself.  

Then it hit me. My infertility journey has changed me for the better. It has given me purpose and drive to encourage other women. In fact, I'm still learning too. The lesson is mostly about patience something that I truly lack at times. It's teaching me to think about other people and not myself which is often challenging for me. It's also teaching me that crying is normal and to be human around others. 

The truth is, my fertility challenges still takes me on an emotional roller coaster. The ride is ongoing but I wouldn't have it no other way. 

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Childless doesn't mean sadness

There's nothing like feeling good and confident. I like to hold my head high when I walk. Sometimes I even like to flip my hair and look back at my life and smile. When I'm happy, I make sure I showcase my pearly whites.  Believe it not even as I struggle with unexplained infertility, I still manage to laugh, live and keep moving. I'm 5'3 but when my mood is good, I feel like a super model, strutting down the runway. Why not? It wasn't always this way though. I'm strong today because of those around me. However, every so often I have to fight to keep my happiness and even convince others that I'm in a good place. "No I don't want to hear what you believe is in my future," I shout inwardly as I roll my eyes each time I'm approached by someone who claims they know a baby is in my future.

I pick and choose who I decide to share my story with because I have trust issues when it comes to being completely transparent.  I don’t’ want to be reminded of things or have what I say thrown back in my face. But that’s what happened one day. I decided to open up to a friend. We’re like sisters and it felt good because I no longer had to dodge baby questions or pretend I was okay around her. However, during one of my happy moments, I received a phone call and it was from my dear friend. “Hey sis, I want to tell you something,” she said. I became excited and of course rushed her to share what was on her chest. “I was on the bus today and saw a woman who reminded me of you.  She was your twin and holding a baby boy,” she said.  Confused and not sure where she was going with the news, I quickly said, “Okay, I’m listening.” That’s when she shared that she believed the woman holding the baby was a sign and confirmation for her that I would be a mother of a baby boy. I began to become annoyed and immediately regretted opening up. Somehow, I smiled though and managed to share with her that it was nice she thought of me but not to feel sad about my situation or the need to give me false hope or happiness.

There’s something about women without children that make people think you need a hug, sympathy or my favorite unsolicited advice on how to get pregnant. I don’t walk around with my head hanging low, I'm strutting down the runway because I've already cried over my situation and my tears have run dry. "Trust me, I'm fine," I find myself saying this to others as they tear up when I share my story.

My thought is that it's not the end of the world. My family just looks different from yours. It's just my husband and I for now. Instead of children, I have a spoiled cat. So don't feel sorry for me, just be a friend and a good listener.  I’m childless and full of life.

Question: What kind of reaction do you get from people after sharing your fertility challenges?

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