Infertility conrupts the mind
Benefits of being childless...
How to live when you're childless....
Blessings in the form of Adoption
Talk to anyone alive in the 50s and they’ll paint you a very different picture of the family arrangement.
Dad was the bread winner, Mom was the homemaker, and if the phone rang during dinner no one got up to get it.
Since then, women have gone into the workforce, and changed the world as we know it. One of those women is Deborah Mannis-Gardner, aptly dubbed The Queen of Sample Clearance.
For over 20 years, Deborah has acquired music for recording artists, films, and video games. Her hard work can be heard on Kanye, Nas, and Diddy albums, as well as on stage in the ground-breaking musical Hamilton.
Deborah is a powerful woman in the music business, but once you talk to her, you’ll see there is nothing she is more proud of than her sixteen-year-old son Curtis.
Check out Deborah’s journey to motherhood and her advice to women struggling with infertility.
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The character I connected with the most in the movie Girl's Trip
Are you the friend with everything except for a child? I am and my heart dropped the very moment Ryan Pierce, the character in the movie Girl's Trip shared with her friends that she was suffering from infertility. The scene was just like a moment ripped out of a chapter in a book about my life. The three ladies surrounding Ryan (Regina Hall), an award winning author in the film all reminded me of women in my close circle. Ironically, we all met in college too. There's the fun, silly friend like Dina (played by Tiffany Haddish) who I actually met in dance class. Don’t judge me. I was trying to take it easy that particular semester. However, my Dina is no joke either. She’s the friend that hurts when you hurt and has no problem fighting on your behalf. To be fair, I actually have two Dina characters in my life. Then there’s my friend who is so similar to Jada Pinkett-Smith's character Lisa, that all I could do is laugh. My husband likes to call that friend "Big Stiff" since she's always uptight about any or everything. But don’t get it twisted the Lisa in my life is a joy to be around once she lets her hair down. She’s my divorced friend who actually had a baby during one of the darkest periods in my life. It was 2012 and my husband and I were desperately trying to conceive. Five years later, that's no longer the case but the fertility challenge certainly put a strain on my marriage. Thankfully, infidelity isn't the strain that I had to endure like Ryan but the pressure to put on a fake smile like her hits too close to home. As far as the friend that plays the role of Sasha (Queen Latifah) that's a tough one. None of my friends has had an interest in my journalism career so a competitive friendship is completely foreign to me. However, I do have a Sasha friend whose dreams were just as big as mine. Unfortunately, life just didn’t pan out the way she had planned.
My girls are my sisters for different reasons. Individually, they all made me realize that it's alright not to have it all. It doesn't make me any less human or successful either. Today, I still have dreams of a baby but I'm reminded through my strong friendship with those ladies that it's okay to be transparent and share those feelings. Like Ryan, I used to put so much pressure on myself to keep everything together. I assumed that I had to especially as a 37 year-old accomplished woman. The truth is I should be focused on sharing my truth and building others up. The fact is I am not alone and neither are the women with similar stories. So whether you’re the friend who appears to have it all, just know that it’s okay to tell others that you don’t have it all. Many of us are missing things that we’ve prayed for but if that’s the case,it shouldn’t stop us from being thankful. No matter what that missing piece of the puzzle is, I encourage you to find strength and peace in knowing that the bottom line is that you’re still blessed. Just look at who’s in your corner. It may be your family or friends but be reminded today and forever, that your blessings are right there in front of you.
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Need a moment? We all do.
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A recipe for your childless lifestyle
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Father's Day: What it means to the man who desires a child.
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Infertility taught me to appreciate Mother's Day
Every once in a while an image of a child flashes through my mind. It happens during quiet moments when I’m usually staring into space. I used to get excited every time it happened. I felt like those moments were subtle hints of comfort and confirmation that I would soon become a mother. There’s always this reoccurring image of a baby girl that warms my soul. It’s so realistic that I feel like I can just reach out and touch her. Surprisingly, the experience has truly helped me to do one thing: Be a mom.
I always thought women had to bear children to become mothers. That’s the furthest from the truth. Some women may never experience motherhood as the world sees it. However, naturally giving birth to a child isn’t the only way women can take on such a nurturing role. I’d like to think of myself as a mom. It’s a role I play often whenever I’m around children. Instead of waiting until the day I bear a child, labeling my childless status as a curse or falling into a depression as many celebrate Mother’s Day, I decided to let go of the love bottled up inside me and share with those just because I'm loved. I'm loved unconditionally by my mother, and all the women including aunts who molded me into the person I am today.
Infertility takes women on a journey that no one can actually prepare for. It certainly never crossed my mind. I grew up with lots of dolls and played house as a kid. My imagination ran wild then and motherhood was always a part it. I just knew I was going to have children. To my surprise, things worked out differently. I've cried, screamed even felt ashamed about my childless status. Then it hit me. "What does it take to be a mom," I asked myself. My first thought: It takes love, resiliency and the desire to love all children as your own. After all children are a gift from God and for that reason I am a mom and so are you.
Happy Mother's Day!