Date with Caution

I'm starting to feel like people view this single girl thing as some sort of charity case.  A few weeks ago I received a random message from someone whom I haven't spoken to in years. The reason for the call was just another attempt to set me up on date.  Some of my closest friends have tried playing matchmaker and I’m still single.  The reason is not because I’m hard to deal with, crazy or extremely picky, I just have standards.

However, against my better judgment when my friend asked if she could give my number out to a man she believed had potential, I said yes. “How bad could this be,” I thought. I love meeting new people.  It also helped that my friend spoke highly of the person she thought I would instantly connect with. Now I'm an old school kind of girl so I prefer to talk on the phone rather than text.  However, the potential fellow decided to start our communication off with text messages.  I understand why now.  This man had no concept of verb noun agreement.  He’s in his mid-thirties still using slang as if it was mentally stimulating.

He asked me one day to go have a cup of coffee with him after work. Now I'm already thinking if we can’t have a conversation over the phone, what in the world are we going to discuss over coffee. Once again, against my better judgment, I said OK.  Right before we were supposed to meet, he sent me a text.  It read, "Sorry, I can't make it, my mom won't let me borrow the car”.   I was totally at a lost for words but one thing I learned is that people may look at being “single” as a charity case but when you take up every offer to date random people, you start to look like one. Be single, enjoy it and date with caution.

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

Single? Look at the bright-side!

Being a single woman has it perks. Well, that’s at least what I think. Although I often find myself daydreaming about a relationship, I must say I’m beginning to become more patient despite my burning desire to be with a stand-up guy. Hmm, what will he look like? Will he be tall (I love men who tower over me)? Will he be quiet? I’m sometimes extremely curious about my future especially when it comes to a potential significant other. Eventually I quickly snap out of my daydreaming because my imagination can run wild for hours.

At one point in my life, the only thing I could ever think about was marriage but I'm starting to realize that I enjoy my life. In fact, I really enjoy coming home to my diva pad, and I love eating random things for dinner!  I’ve also realized as a single woman that I just don't want to marry someone because I’m in love with the illusion of love.  Relationships should have a solid foundation, love and communication.  I want to be able to laugh uncontrollably with my spouse, I want us to have the same values and morals and I definitely want who ever I end up with to make me smile just by his presence.

You see love comes and love goes in relationships without substance and foundation.  So before I end up in another meaningless relationship, I’m on a journey to get myself together and finally for once take care of me.  I've started taking yoga recently, booked a few short weekend getaways, and so far I love it. When you look at being single from a positive perspective you’ll eventually see that it has its perks. After all getting to know yourself only strengthens and builds a better you.

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

Resolutions? Let's just live in 2016!

At the end of every year we all come up with these ridiculous goals, which we know we will not stick too! My favorite one of them all is when I hear women say "This year I'm going to the gym 5 times a week." When I hear this I giggle every time, I may have even told myself the same exact thing, especially after I've had that yummy cheesesteak that I know I had no business eating. However, I tell myself that it’s ok this one time because this year I'm going to the gym and I’m losing 30 pounds.  Ha! Yeah right, just like I lied about the gym and eating only one cheesesteak a year, I often find myself saying the same thing about relationships and dating.

Like clockwork, I’d say every New Year's Eve that this year, I will not go backwards in dating. Yet those late night phone calls and texts get me every single time. So this year I didn't make any dating or weight loss goals. The one thing I did was sit myself down and have a very honest conversation.  I made a commitment with myself not to be skinny, but to be healthy.  I promised myself to eat better, and yes I'll have a cheesesteak every now and then but I will commit to eating healthy and becoming one with my Fitbit! 

I also told myself that this year I'm not focusing on finding "Mr. Right" instead I’ll be getting right and working on myself. Last but not least, the most important goal of all is “No More Man Referrals!” I know my friends mean well, but each and every time someone has tried to introduce me to someone, it has been a disaster. Those referrals have often left me questioning our friendship, like wait, “Does this person really know me, because why would my friend ever introduce me to this guy?” Ha-ha, but seriously, I want a connection that is organic, no more match.com lead by friends! My goal in 2016 is to simply grow.  Sometimes single ladies spend too much time counting time and wondering when marriage and babies will fall in place.  The fact of the matter is if we were truly living up to our potential we wouldn't have time to worry.  In due time, love will certainly come and we may even lose a few pounds but for now let's just live in 2016! 

 CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

The Best Single Inspirational Tags of 2015

We've all needed a little pick me up on those lonely dateless nights or just after that big break up with Mr. Wrong. Here are some of the Best Inspirational Single Tags we've created for Social Media in 2015. 

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

JUST SAY NO: 7 men you don’t want

7. The Married Man-I shouldn’t have to list this one but feel it’s necessary.  No matter what kind of dream he’s selling, don’t buy it.  Know you’re worth so much more than a man that’s already taken.

6. The Pretty Boy - Eye candy isn’t always bad unless that’s the only thing the man is bringing to the table. What’s worse is when a man knows he’s quite attractive and thinks he’s a gift to all women.  Of course you want to be able show off your man and gaze into his eyes, just know that there’s more to a man than good looks.  Try taking a look at his character.  

5. The Mama’s Boy-Been there, done that. A man like this will make your life stressful. You’ll never come first.  A man should know the difference between his mother and girlfriend/wife.  He should also be willing to stand up to his mother who conveniently interferes in your relationship. 

4. The Mystery Man/Quiet- I don’t know about you but a man of very few words sort of freak me out to a degree.  I’m not saying all quiet men are suspect but any man that makes it his business to be secretive about any and everything should make your antennas go up.  If you’re dating, you should know the basics, like his last name, home address, career, and hobbies.  If it’s really serious a bit more and have been introduced to his family. 

3. The Lazy One-This is a no brainer, stay away. I don’t care how good he looks, smells or dresses.  Trust me; he’s not worth your time.  This particular guy has a habit to look for women he says can motivate him. It’s good to be supportive but don’t break your back trying to motivate a grown man that’s obviously looking for an easy ride or free meal ticket.

2. The Popular Guy-This man can be overly friendly at times and always seeking attention. Now, there’s nothing wrong with a friendly man but if you find this one always smiling ear to ear at every woman that looks his way then check him off you list immediately.

1. The Male Chauvinist- If you ever come across a man who believes women are inferior to men then do yourself a favor and run as fast as you can.  Sometimes this man poses as a charmer later revealing thoughts of women to be nothing more than objects, laborers and deserving less than equal treatment.

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

Maintaining a smile

As a single lady I always get a little choked up because I'm always single during the holidays. Well except for my birthday since it always falls on Thanksgiving weekend.  I have been blessed to always spend my “born” day with my closet girlfriends, and they make it a blast. This year for my birthday we decided to enjoy karaoke and hookah, and it was definitely a fun time. However, as the night came to a close my reality started to sink in and weigh heavy on my mind.  I have never shared my birthday with anyone of the opposite sex. No I didn’t wake up to any special texts or birthday calls.  Instead, my smile was brought on thanks to my family and friends who always go out of their way to make it memorable.

Let’s start with my family, my grandma has made it a tradition to always sing the traditional birthday song to me and my grandpa makes it his business to create a special card on his computer every year, which I save and have framed by the way.  Unfortunately my heart breaks as I sit at the long and elegant table prepared with “Thanksgiving” favorites because there’s no one special sitting next to me.  Then there’s Christmas.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my family and very thankful for them but I would love to have a significant other to share the holidays with. I can’t help but dream of what it is like to exchange gifts with someone, or tell them how much I appreciate them or blow out my candles with them on my birthday. I long for the day that my dreams become a reality.

For now I’ll just continue to maintain my smile and try to enjoy my single status.  ‘Tis the season to be jolly and thankful. Until Mr. Right and I cross paths, my goal is to make sure my life is in order so I can be just right for that special someone! I take comfort in knowing that I won't be alone during the holidays and my birthday forever.

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

Time waits for NO one……

I like to think of myself as a “fashionista” if you will.  However, unlike many fashion guru's I have a few signature items that you will always find me in. First and foremost, I will go nowhere without a blazer, even when I'm dressed down I have on a blazer!  Next my glasses, although I really need them for my vision, I'm constantly looking at new trendy styles.  Finally, my absolute favorite thing ever is my watch!  I would always hear my mom say, “You can tell a lot about a man by looking at his watch.”  Growing up, I certainly didn't understand what she meant, but as I got older I understood more and more. I absolutely love a man that wears a nice watch! On the contrary, you can always find me in an awesome time piece. I started really getting into watches once I entered the working world shortly after college.  My ex would always get me watches. He was an older man who knew a bit more than I did when it came to style. The more I became familiar with watch brands and styles, the more I wanted a new watch. Eventually I was introduced to Michele watches and I wanted nothing else! Michele watches are beautiful, timeless, and classy.

One day on vacation, my ex and I decided to go shopping together. We walked into a fancy high-end department store, and there she was... a beautiful and bold watch. This time piece screamed classy lady and I had to have her! At this point the both of us had been together for a few years, so it was only right that a girl gets an awesome gift every now again. He didn't get the Michele that day, but a few months later for my birthday he gave me a gorgeous round classic Michele. At that moment it hit me.  All these years that we had been together, the only piece of jewelry he had given me was a watch. Even though the hands on the watch were moving, our relationship was standing still. The engagement ring I had always dreamed about was just a figment of my imagination. The only diamonds I came close to were the ones in my watch collection.  The only symbol of my ex's love that I ever saw was through the hands of a watch. The hands were moving and time was forever ticking. I finally realized that as time continued to pass us by, our relationship had ran its course. I was never going to be his wife.  Today, I still love collecting watches especially from a nice designer. However, I long for the moment my arm candy is sparkling right along with my left ring finger. 

 CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

Wedding invites or wedding woes?

I don’t know about you but I’m a social media junkie. However, I’m not one of those who tend to live their lives through popular social media sites.  Because of my internet addiction I often find out the latest on everything you can imagine via - Instagram or Facebook. This seems to be exceptionally true when it comes to relationships and those on my friend list that showcase their love online.  You can always tell how someone's relationship is doing by reading their status.  Well, to a certain degree and depending on what they want to expose and how they want you to perceive it.  Likewise, when people get engaged, married or have babies they post it all on social media. I'm starting to believe that the post office will be out of business soon!  LOL!

As I quickly approach thirty-something, I have been invited and attended more weddings that I could have ever imagined.  Although I'm always up for throwing on a nice dress and some pumps, I can't help but wonder if I will ever be a bride.  I'm one of those people who is happy for others when they fall in love, but after every single wedding I attend, I leave wondering if I'm going to have a head full of gray before I walk down the aisle.  It seems like my generation comes from an era where weddings are just one big show, and they often forget the symbolism and Coventry that is aligned with marriage. Whenever I attend a wedding I reflect on the beauty of love and I'm reminded that true love still exists, despite all of the hurtful and painful experiences that I may have had. Sometimes weddings can be a bitter sweet experience for a single woman, like myself but as time goes by, my wedding woes have become less and less. I constantly remind myself that marriage should be a reflection of how much you are willing to give up yourself to love someone else unconditionally.  So now when I go to weddings I ask myself, “Can you only imagine if you were married now? Not one person that you have been with has been marriage material or willing to give up himself to love you, right?”

Today, I've decided that when my moment comes, I’ll accept those wedding invites to be a reminder of God's imperfect love, that only HE could make perfect. So for now, I will enjoy signing hallmark wedding cards of celebration. Oh and of course I will enjoy wearing a new dress and amazing pumps, as I celebrate a couple’s perfect love. 

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

Computer love….just one click away?

You know one of the humorous things about being single is when you have that one friend who’s now a matchmaker. In my case, I have a few who are matchmakers. Ha! Those so called friend referrals or date set-ups have now turned into dating stories I like to laugh about with friends.  The good thing is some of my bad experiences didn't ruin any of my friendships. But there’s something about those conversations now that start off like, “Girl, I've found the perfect guy for you,” that now make my antennas go up.

While I may have closed the door on friends who like to play “matchmaker” I have turned to one thing I’m sure many of us today can identify with and that’s online dating.  New research reveals that there is no longer a stigma behind online dating and people have turned to the web to find love. I’m shocked myself considering that I thought traditional, face to face, meet and greets would never go out of style.  Of course you know what’s next, I created an online profile. I just had to mostly because my friends strongly suggested I make that a part of my dating experience.

Hmm, what do I say about myself? What picture should I use? These are all important questions especially if you want to snag someone interesting.  I’m like another Carrie Bradshaw from the show “Sex in the City.” Of course with a little more flavor and all I want is man that’s smart, respectful and he must have nice teeth. I've attracted a nice range of profile hits and a few have also caught my eye.

It’s exciting to know that there are people out there with fairy-tale stories about women and men of their dreams, being a click away. To date, I have only run into guys that I would prefer not to date seriously. However, my profile is still lingering around in cyberspace. Why not take advantage of this technology enhanced era and increase my chances of meeting someone. According to the Pew Research Center, about 5 percent of American couples, whether married or in a committed relationships, have met their significant others online.  And with that information, I know there’s hope for the Carrie Bradshaw’s of the world. I may even give some of those self-proclaimed matchmakers in my life another chance at picking my next date. Who knows, I just may get lucky.

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

Fear Of Being Unloved

Up until this very recent moment in my life, I've never been single. During those periods between relationships I thought I was single, I actually wasn't. It's true that I wasn't involved romantically or sexually by definition, but I still was yet to be single. 
 
After spending my entire 20's in and out of revolving door relationships, I had enough. I entered my 30th year of life with the promise of finding a husband and having a baby. And that's exactly what happened. But after a year in, baby and all, I decided to end my marriage for a myriad of reasons. The biggest reason being is I had entered my marriage already committed to someone else, or better yet, something else. And my commitment totally ruined my relationship, as it had done a million times before. 
 

Before marrying, I thought I was complete. I had a blossoming career, my own house, and a luxury car to symbolize my success all before I hit 30 years-old. I knew I struggled with inner happiness, but for the most part, I was very comfortable with who I was as a person. I was just too damn comfortable. And my ideal mate would be comfortable with who I was as a person, too. But he wasn't...
 

He never understood my unhappiness, my need to look for external factors to validate me, or that I needed him to be perfect so that I could feel perfect. I was ugly inside, and he was my mirror. A complete ball of mess staring at me every morning and shouting "you insecure little girl, what have you done"? I had no business getting married. I wasn't ready. I was too much in love and committed to fear. Fear of being unloved. Fear of being alone. Fear of being incomplete. Fear of being a single parent. It was the only consisted relationship I had ever known. It's always been around stirring up drama in my physical relationships, highlighting my insecurities, and turning me into some sort of spectacle. It controlled me. 
 

 I remember after the birth of my daughter, my depression worsened. I could hardly recognize the woman I become. I was in a loveless marriage not only with my husband, but with myself. I hated myself. There was no way I was going to survive. I had to end the lie and put a stop to the destruction I was causing. I didn't deserve it and neither did my husband. We both deserved happiness, and our daughter deserved a loving home. So I filed for divorce and simultaneously, ended my commitment to my fear of being unloved, alone, and incomplete. 
 

 I spent the first year or so after my divorce was finalized dedicating my energy into building a healthy relationship with myself. It was the most difficult experience I've had thus far. I grieved our failed marriage with very little support from friends and family, all while trying to maintain some sort of strength to raise my daughter. My nights were filled with crying spells wondering when the pain was going to end. Little did I know it wasn't just my marriage I was ending, I was also ending the part that prevented me from receiving authentic love. 
 

 I had to dig deep into my soul where I had buried my childhood hurts, disappointments from past relationships, and the resentment I held against myself for repeatedly ignoring red flags. I had to learn how to the love and care for me. How do you do that when no one has shown you how? I prayed all day, every day. I let the past go. I denied fear access to my life. In the end, I saw the difference in my attitude, mood, and my choices. I suffered. I recovered. I healed. It has made all the difference. I no longer operate out of fear. I'm finally single, happy and ready for love. 

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

Never Settle

I have spent the past 11 years dealing with a man who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.  I guess you can say I put all my eggs in one basket when it came to that relationship. Even through turmoil, I still believed that he was the one!  In the beginning, our relationship was good, at least three of the years. 

 In fact, our relationship really changed after my grandmother informed me of a conversation she overheard in a grocery store. Two women were talking about a wedding they had attended. The name is what shocked my grandmother because the very unique name was familiar to her and ended up being the person I was dating at that time.  Of course my grandmother called me with the information.  My heart literally stopped and I felt like the room was spinning.  I said, "No, grandma.  He did not get married."  At the time he admitted to cheating and had a baby on the way but nothing was ever mentioned about a marriage.  Long story short, my boyfriend was not only having a baby but now belonged to another woman. He did get married.

 However, I thought that even through his infidelity, secret marriage and baby he had while we were together that he would still come around and possible marry me. That never happened even though I tried to erase those bad memories from mind by dating.   Perhaps, if I didn't invest all of my time into him, I would have probably met some really nice men to date or better yet, I could have been married by now. I guess that’s the danger of putting all of your eggs in one basket.  I absolutely put too much of my energy into one man just because in my mind I wanted him to be the ONE.  I know now that the mistake I made was that I settled and I didn't value my self -worth.

Today, as a single woman, I strongly encourage women not to settle, and know their worth. If you do, you'll save yourself from meaningless relationships and people who are just not good for you. 

 CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

You're Not Alone

The simple answer for some single women, who question their “alone” status, lies in the statistics. Well that’s at least what I think. According to Wikipedia, men actually outnumber women across the world but fortunately in the United States the ratio of men and women is nearly even with 98 men to 100 women. Although, statistics show the number of men has gradually increased each year since the sixties, it doesn't look that way everywhere across the globe. For an example, Caribbean Islands has the highest ratio of women with 84 men per 100 women.

Before I met my significant other, I remember dating as fun. Pretty much something my father pushed me into doing. It was 2006, and I was living at home with my parents. I've always had lots of friends but back then I would spend a lot of time relaxing in my room by myself. Until one day, my father said, “Girl this is as young as you’re going to ever look, get out of the house and have some fun.” That’s all it took. I immediately stopped turning down calls to go out. I learned how to really manage my social life while setting aside appropriate time for my career. Literally every night I had something on my calendar. Dating for me started out as simple friendships with some folks. I've always loved meeting new people and sparking up conversations with random people even if it was at the grocery store.

But during my early twenties, I still wasn’t that optimistic about my romantic future. I had several moments where I questioned whether or not I would meet prince charming. In fact, there were even times, when I would be out and look at other couples and scream, “WHY” in my head. “Why is he with her?”  I would ask myself all the routine questions some single women tend to whisper to themselves. I remember a friend of mine called me once to share some good news. A quick glance at my cell phone, I didn’t recognize the number but I recognized the voice as soon as I answered. “Guess what,” she said. Very calmly I said, “What, do you have to tell me?” The surprise was that she was engaged to get married. Of course I immediately became happy especially because I knew her most private struggles with men. It also hit me at that same moment that maybe I’m doing something wrong.

I understand today, with computers and social media “dating” has really become tainted. Some people have become too comfortable with sending text messages or communicating through social media platforms. That I can truly see as a challenge alone. I consider myself fairly young but still very old school. I always wanted to see a person’s face during an intimate conversation, take a long walk, have dinner and melt at the sight of the man going ahead to open the door for me. Is that too much to ask? Absolutely not!  I became more determine to not waste my time on men who weren’t the traditional gentlemen. I started to check off men who couldn’t hold an intelligent conversation and made sure I didn’t date someone because of their height, or any other physical appearances.

I wish I had a secret formula for dating. What worked for me will not work for every person looking to settle down with the right one. I can only suggest keeping your standards high, and saying no to all those gut feelings that tell you to settle. Who says you have to be married by 25, 30 or 40 years old for all of that? Who are you racing against? I have to constantly remind myself of that in other areas of my life so trust me you’re not alone. Don’t be deterred by the ratio of men to women. Just get out for the right reasons, let your hair down, dance like no one is watching and enjoy every moment of your life.  Whether you’re sharing those moments alone or with someone special, you’ll quickly see as you start to do that, things will turn around for the better, even if the only thing that improves is your social life. Statistics show people who have lots of good friendships live longer.

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

A True Gem

The very thought that I'm a single woman in my thirties and have never come close to hearing that special question "Will you marry me?" haunts me like a bad dream. Even though that bothers me, it doesn't mean that I'm hopeless. Sometimes, I just wonder if I'll ever hear those words. But until then, I keep my hopes high knowing it will happen.

I will never forget the day that I laid my eyes on the engagement ring section of the Tiffany & Co. catalog.  It was beautiful, and nothing short of classic! As I sat on my sofa and shuffled through the pages, I couldn't help but to stare at the the "Tiffany Setting" engagement ring. It was a round solitaire diamond, and it just screamed my name. I instantly fell in love. From that day on, I had in my mind that the man of my dreams would get down on one knee, and ask me to marry him. He would reach in his pocket, and pull out a perfectly wrapped blue box. I would scream in joy, with tears running down my face, as he gracefully slides on the ring.  So every month when my Tiffany's book would come in the mail, I would turn straight to the engagement section and stare at my dream ring. I even went as far as printing the picture, and placing it on my refrigerator. It was my constant reminder that I wanted to get married and have a dream wedding.

Well, life didn't exactly happen the way that I imagined. As all of my friends were getting engaged and receiving beautiful rings, I was still daydreaming about that day. To be honest I still often think about getting proposed to by someone special. 

One day while having lunch downtown, I decided to treat myself to a little gift. So I took a walk to Tiffany's & Co. Oohh I was so excited. After all, what girl doesn't love a nice piece of jewelry? I walked in and suddenly my heart started pounding out of my chest, while my eyes nearly popped out of the sockets. It's not like the sudden rush of excitement came because it was my first time in the store. That certainly wasn't the case. As I walked over to the counter to look at the new bracelets, I couldn't help but notice a couple shopping for what seemed to be wedding or engagement rings. Apparently I was in some sort of trance and had been ignoring the sales lady who spent about five minutes trying to get my attention.  I was simply in a daze. Eventually, I snapped out of it and started on my journey to find a "pick me up piece", or a "pain killer" as I call it! I settled for an infinity necklace. But for some reason, I kept thinking about the engagement rings that were nearby. The sales lady walked away to wrap my purchase. When she came back with my blue Tiffany's bag, I nervously asked her if "I could see the engagement collections". She smiled and said "Are you trying to tell that special somebody, something?” Of course I smiled and told a tiny white lie. I replied, "Yes!” In my heart I knew that the only special person was myself.  For years I dreamed about this beauty, so I had to at least touch it! As I sat down, the sales lady pulled out the "Tiffany Setting" round solitaire diamond. My heart skipped a million beats! I suddenly felt the urge of tears ready to roll down my face. Thankfully, I held back my tears and instead held the ring between my thumb and index finger. I didn't want to try it on. Holding the ring was overwhelming in itself.

I'm sometimes bothered at the thought that I may only get close to my dream ring again, or any diamond ring for that matter, by only purchasing it myself. Surprisingly though, a part of me is still optimistic. I'm sure many women dream of the day they are asked to share the rest of their lives with someone. I can't even spend a half of minute with a man. Lol!  Until my day comes, I still dream of the man that makes my heart flutter, and the "Tiffany's" ring that comes with him.

I'm sure many single women may feel the exact same way that I often feel. So when you're feeling down please don't torture yourself, and memorize any pages of a jewelry book that has your dream ring in it. Just use the energy and try something new like a pottery class or yoga. Yes having a man get on one knee with a timeless diamond may be my dream, but having Mr. Right by my side is the true gem!

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT