The Girl’s Trip “Flossy Posse” is life

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I'm sure that almost 9 out 10 women have seen the hit movie "Girls Trip." My girls and I were so excited and determined to see it that we found a private screening of the movie that we paid for weeks ahead of time.  In my opinion, it’s definitely safe to say that it was an unforgettable experience. From start to finish I could see myself in everyone of the ladies. I laughed until my abs were tighten. Only thing is I didn’t achieve the six-pack I’d hope for but my laughs were among the sound effects in the theater.  Also, there were periods where I even cried. As I stuffed my face with popcorn, candy and chicken fingers, I realized that my girls have been there for me through some really tough and amazing times. I was so inspired by this movie that I texted one of my closest friends after the movie demanding we create a group name.  All I needed was for her to say it was a good idea and when she did the ideas started to immediately flow.

Just like the "Flossy Posse" in the movie, my friends are some pretty amazing, brilliant, beautiful, sassy, funny women. In short,they’re all one-of-a-kind. My girls have taught me so much about myself. They inspire me to be fearless, to love myself, be bold and to live every single moment as if it were my last. Our lives have changed as we've gotten older but we still find time to get together and laugh and sometimes even cry. I truly would not be the women I am today if it wasn't for my own "Flossy Posse" or as my friend and I have decided to call us the "Sassy & Classy" clique.  They have cried with me and most importantly are my solid rocks. I'm thankful for the movie Girl’s Trip and the illustration of sisterhood among four dynamic women. Not many can say that they have lived their life with a "Flossy Posse" but I can and I have not one regret.

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Single and redefining beauty

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For the past 4-years I have been growing long beautiful locs.  They were pretty and had an array of colors. However, one day I woke up and decided I was going to cut my hair. Rumor has it that when one cuts their hair especially locs then that person is going through some dramatic life altering change.  Now I can't say that is the case for me, but my hair was close to my heart. I felt like it defined my beauty.

I haven't shared that with many people because I didn't want the world to know that my hair had a lot to do with my self-esteem. As my hair grew longer the more compliments I would receive.  In fact, I would get great feedback from the opposite sex. For a long time, I thought my long locs made me prettier.  I also believed that it was one of the key features that attracted men to me. Being single you question so many things about yourself, and my appearance was certainly one of those things. I guess you could say that this is a huge transition on my end.

I truly followed my heart and chopped off my hair even though I considered it an extension of me but realized later it doesn’t define who I am or what I stand for. Surprisingly, I feel very beautiful with my short curly tapered look. Yes, I've gotten many compliments but the greatest was a reminder of my beauty while listening to India Arie.  According to one of her songs, she says "I am not my hair."  

That’s right. My beauty is greater and deeper than what's on the top of my head. It certainly isn't the reason why I'm single.

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Some relationships are for a season.

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Six months ago I thought that my love search was done! I was glowing and always smiling from ear to ear with excitement.That's because I was introduced to a man who I thought was the one. He knew how to make me feel special, laugh and forget all my worries. We used to spend hours together, and I even told my friends about him. I've never desired for them to meet anyone special in my life.

I can't fully explain but one day things became shaky. I figured things would naturally fall back into place.  But it didn't and suddenly my new love interest stopped spending time with me. His excuse was his job and huge workload.  He just completely acted like I didn't exist most days. He would shoot me little texts here and there but for the most part our relationship was going nowhere! We would have talks but we would never resolve the issue. He once said, "I told you this is how my life is during the summer." I always thought aman would go out of his way to spend time with someone when there is love.  Needless to say my fairytale was turning into another failed relationship. Of course yet again I'm embarrassed and humiliated that my time with this man was short lived.  I thought, "How am I going to tell my closest friends and family that love has failed me?" So I decided to keep quiet.  Instead I drowned my sadness with depressing music trying to convince myself what we had wasn't real.

Suddenly I snapped out of my funk and all it took was some encouragement from music by my favorite artist Beyoncé.  In fact, I quickly pulled myself together and reminded myself that it sucks to be him right now! To the left, to the left, he goes ... and yes I loved him like XO but the truth is ... I simply could not see how our 1+1 could ever =2!  Even though I saw his Halo in the beginning surely this man is also replaceable.  Perhaps it's a good thing my relationship didn't work out and yes I may be hurt but just like everything else the pain won't last forever. I'll eventually call my girls and when they ask I will tell them the truth! He just wasn't the one.

At my age, I'm super clear about what I want and what I don't want. Some things I just can't except... and I don't feel guilty about wanting the best for me. So in the words of Beyoncé I'll put that freekum dress on! Haha, I probably won't do that but I will continue to date and when it's right, I hope the relationship will last.

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The moment your crush turns into Mr. Right

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I still can't believe it's real...

Just a few months ago I was introduced to a man who gave me butterflies.  As Beyoncé "You had me at hello" plays in the background, I'm all smiles because I still can't believe that the two of us are going strong! How many times have you dated Mr. Wrong? Yes, many of us can certainly share a story or two. However, this man is a person I never thought existed. He reminds me daily of love, patience and kindness. Although he's a man of few words, his presence alone gives me peace and comfort. Have you ever been around someone you simply enjoy just sitting with and doing absolutely nothing? That's how I feel when we're together and  binge watching our favorite shows. He's my calm when things get rough, and he's even my personal chef.  The story is a way to a man's heart is through his stomach but it also goes for some women like myself. I'm a true foodie.  I have had so many good meals over the past few months cooked by Mr. Right that I just may blog about them. Ha!

You know there's still hope for many of us women who feel like we're failures at relationships. There's love out there, it's just often times we lack patience and jump around with those who never means is well.  Let me tell you, I'm the perfect example of an imperfect person meeting another imperfect person who's willing to take their time, communicate and let their true self be known early in the relationship.

 I'm so looking forward to our journey because I'm sure it will be amazing. So in the words of my like my girl, Mrs. Carter, 1+1=2 and he definitely has me drunk in love.  I love him like XO... not to mention he captured me with his Halo. It's safe to say at this point my crush is Mr. Right.

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What men think you need to do about your single status

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No. You don't need a pen to take notes. All you need is a trash can to throw that old list away. In fact, the first thing relationship expert Jack A. Daniels suggests is to take a look at yourself while author Kevin Carr advises women to re-evaluate their preferences that often make relationship goals seem impossible to achieve. 

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"Insecure" actress Yvonne Orji shares secret that could benefit hopeless romantics [video]

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All it takes is that one simple social media post to pop up in your timeline to turn your entire day around. It's from that one friend that you shared so many things in common with because you two were the last of the bunch who were single. However, that's no longer the case and another friend of yours is planning a wedding.

We've all been there. "Insecure" actress Yvonne Orji knows the feeling all too well but what she does is something every single woman should consider.

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Valentine's Day: The day I fell for all the hype

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The year was 2000. It was a cold windy day but that didn't stop me from being fashionable and wearing my bright pink wool coat. My long hair was blowing in the wind periodically sticking to the clear gloss on my lips. I was happy until I walked into my job that day.  I worked at a law firm. I was still in college and the youngest in the office. To my surprise roses were everywhere and being delivered to many of the secretaries who were cheerful like school girls.  I had no reason to be happy.  I was single and recently dumped by my college sweetheart. It's funny how you process Valentine's Day when you're single. You start to say things like, "It's noting but an ordinary day."  This paticular Valentine's Day I desperately tried to convince myself that it was just a regular day. 

However, by the evening my day took an unexpected turn.   I met up with my best friend at the mall. She was single too. Being silly, we started to both joke about our dating lives.  As we visited store after store, something caught my attention. It was a pink balloon and it matched my coat. On the balloon it read, "Congratulations on your engagement!" Suddenly mesmerized and without hesitaion, I purchased it. When my friend noticed my purchase, she shouted, "You're so crazy!" Then we both burst into laughter. 

In that moment, yes I was crazy and wanted to feel special like every other girl walking around with flowers, stuffed animals and holiday candy.  That's just what happened, when I began to walk around the mall with my balloon. I immediatley felt special.  "Congratulations," people shouted from across the mall. Then there were those who slowly put their heads down possibly boiling with more hate for cupid. The black leather gloves I wore that day made my fake engagement easier. Shockingly, no one asked to see my ring finger and quite frankly I'm glad no one was bold enough to ask about my "engagement" details. What I did enjoy was all the love and attention.

Sure that's what we want sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with it even if it is only for short moments.  However, I later realized that the Valentine's Day craze forced me to fall for all the hype. Thankfully that only happened once. Today, it is seriously just another day. 

I'm older, more mature and now married.  It's funny because one day when my husband and I were only dating we decided to run out to the mall. It was another cold day and I needed a case for my cell phone. As we walked around, we couldn't help but notice couples everywhere. There were long lines in restaurants and most peope were draped in red clothing. We thought it was the weirdest thing. So as we were exiting the mall, I approached a couple. "Excuse me, what's going on today and why is everyone wearing red," I softly whispered. The couple looked stunned and the woman then loudly replied, "It's Valentine's Day!"  Like a deer-in-headlights, I looked at my boyfriend and just laughed. To think there was a time I stressed myself out over the holiday, amazed me. I'm loved and cherished so much that today when "V" day rolls around I'm oblivious to it. The lesson is don't wait around for someone else to make you feel special, just show yourself some love until that special someone comes sweeping you off your feet and making you feel like every day you're his sweetheart. 💋

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When a guy gives you butterflies…..

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To say that I'm nervous is an understatement.  Where do I start?

So a really good friend of mine wrote the most unusual yet sincere statuses on social media about her brother. It was his birthday and out of love she posted what I thought to be the sweetest and funniest post about him ever. She not only gave him a birthday shout-out but she also put out an ad for his future wife.  It immediately caught my attention.  “This is hilarious,” I said to my myself as I burst into laughter. At that moment I also took a closer look at the picture and then I realized that I actually met my friend’s brother many moons ago. I remember as if it took place yesterday. One night while out dancing the night away with my girlfriends, we worked up an appetite and decided to go grab something eat at a local restaurant. When we walked in I saw my friend (the one who posted the social media status honoring her brother) and guess what, he was with her that night. This is all coming back to me because that particular evening my friend’s brother complimented me and thought my blazer and pumps combination was quite stylish. “Thank you,” I said with a smile.  We exchanged a few more words, laughed a bit and that was it.

Fast forwarding to the day when my friend posted that warm announcement about her brother, I couldn't help but to reach out to her. She explained to me that although the post was a joke, she was very serious about finding him a date. I thought, “I’m single and maybe I should contact this man.” My friend and I laughed about it and before I knew it we had been texting all day while I was at work, and before I knew it, my friend sent me her brother’s phone number.

 

I'm certainly not the lady with the three day, three-week, one-month rule, so I texted him later on that night. Surprisingly, he replied right away and by the next day we were on the phone for hours. So far, he’s funny, seems to be a gentlemen and very thoughtful. This is by far the most random connection that I've ever experienced. I'm certainly nervous about our brunch date, and can’t shake these butterflies in my stomach.  However, I’m very interested in seeing where this could go. Sometimes we stumble upon things that spark up our lives. My single life has been a journey but it’s also been full of good moments.  Trust me you will be hearing more about this guy. In a good way, he makes me nervous and excited at the same time. It’s a feeling I haven't felt in a very long time but a good love story must start somewhere. 

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New Year, New Me

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I've never been the kind of lady to make New Year's resolutions, and this year was no different. However, as I was getting ready for my family's annual New Year's Eve party to bring in 2017, I decided to turn on some music and listen to my favorite artist.  I then turned to the mirror to carefully apply my favorite MAC lipstick called Flat out Fabulous.  It was right then when the Queen Bee herself reminded me of a few things. 

  1. "He must not know bout me," clearly he is irreplaceable .

  2. He definitely had a big ego but that's not enough to win me over

  3. What goes around definitely will come back around.

  4. I was certainly "Drunk to Love."

  5. I had way too much resentment for too long.

  6. "Who runs the world? Girls!"

Queen Bee allowed me to reflect on the fact that 2016 was not that bad, and guess what everything that I went through was definitely not in vain.  I was given a lot of lemons but quickly motivated to take those lemons and just make Lemonade!  I plan to walk into 2017 and SLAY!  The Queen may think that the best revenge is your paper but mine will be my happiness!  I've already started making my vision come alive!  First up ... travel more ... worry less ... oh and eat cake for breakfast!  So instead of being sad, complaining about being alone yet another year, I enjoyed my family, laughed until my stomach hurt (literally), and when the clock hit midnight, I said "tell em Boy, Bye!"  Well really I said bye to 2016 and smiled at 2017! 

In short, take 2017 by storm and LIVE!  Oh, and always listen to the Queen Bee for a little inspiration, she knows best! 

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