Blessings in the form of Adoption

Talk to anyone alive in the 50s and they’ll paint you a very different picture of the family arrangement.

Dad was the bread winner, Mom was the homemaker, and if the phone rang during dinner no one got up to get it.

Since then, women have gone into the workforce, and changed the world as we know it. One of those women is Deborah Mannis-Gardner, aptly dubbed The Queen of Sample Clearance.

For over 20 years, Deborah has acquired music for recording artists, films, and video games. Her hard work can be heard on Kanye, Nas, and Diddy albums, as well as on stage in the ground-breaking musical Hamilton.

Deborah is a powerful woman in the music business, but once you talk to her, you’ll see there is nothing she is more proud of than her sixteen-year-old son Curtis.

Check out Deborah’s journey to motherhood and her advice to women struggling with infertility.

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

5 things the workplace can learn from childless women

Often times people assume women without children have a ton of free time to do one thing......work. So you're the first person called into the office for late or overnight shifts. Why is that? Maybe it's because childless women aren't respected in the workplace? I certainly feel this way.I'm sure this is all to familiar to single women too. Now, what if you're married? Does that mean, childless couples struggle to figure out what to do with their free time?

If you're exhausted because you're childless then here's a list of 5 things you can share with co-workers even some family members and friends to ensure them that you're not twiddling your fingers at home.

1. Childless women and couples know how to have fun: Yes, surprising but true and they often look forward to the weekend because they're child-free. Bingo!
2. Lazy time is necessary: We may not have children to feed, bathe and spend time with but oversleeping on a Sunday is not a crime.
3. Self-care is crucial: When you're childless, you can often find at least 10 things to do for yourself especially if you always have a jam packed calendar. Martini and manicure anyone?
4. Impromptu becomes the norm in life: I'm not talking about last minute calls or requests from your boss to work late but impromptu happy hour events or evenings with friends who may suddenly visit from out of time. FYI: spouses actually like to surprise their loved ones with quick getaways or romantic walks through the park or at the beach.
5. Explanations are a health hazard: Never offer an explanation as to why you can't work late or cater to someone else's needs. It's very rude for people to manage your child-free time. Duh!

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

Don't stress, throw confetti

Sounds simple right? Instead of being stressed, just throw confetti. If life was only that easy.

On Friday, I found myself having lunch alone. It's something I haven't done in awhile. I had a taste for some Greek food and so I made my way to a local restaurant. Inside sat a woman and her baby. She was happy and I found her quite entertaining as I watched her make funny faces to get the baby to laugh. The mother eventually started to walk around with the child, making her way to a seating area near me to chat briefly with the owner. The sound of baby talk suddenly filled the restaurant as the owner transformed into a little character of her own to capture the baby's attention. I tried to ignore them but I too became engaged and pulled in by the baby.

Infertility for some women is truly a struggle but I refuse to allow it take over my life. Sure I would have loved to be on the other end, turning into my usual silly self around the baby. In the past I fell into a brief depression where I tried to avoid women with children. Today, I throw kindness around like it's confetti. Why? Because love is kind. Besides the first step to being a mother whether you birth a child, adopt or nurture one in random settings like a restaurant is LOVE.

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

Childless doesn't mean sadness

There's nothing like feeling good and confident. I like to hold my head high when I walk. Sometimes I even like to flip my hair and look back at my life and smile. When I'm happy, I make sure I showcase my pearly whites.  Believe it not even as I struggle with unexplained infertility, I still manage to laugh, live and keep moving. I'm 5'3 but when my mood is good, I feel like a super model, strutting down the runway. Why not? It wasn't always this way though. I'm strong today because of those around me. However, every so often I have to fight to keep my happiness and even convince others that I'm in a good place. "No I don't want to hear what you believe is in my future," I shout inwardly as I roll my eyes each time I'm approached by someone who claims they know a baby is in my future.

I pick and choose who I decide to share my story with because I have trust issues when it comes to being completely transparent.  I don’t’ want to be reminded of things or have what I say thrown back in my face. But that’s what happened one day. I decided to open up to a friend. We’re like sisters and it felt good because I no longer had to dodge baby questions or pretend I was okay around her. However, during one of my happy moments, I received a phone call and it was from my dear friend. “Hey sis, I want to tell you something,” she said. I became excited and of course rushed her to share what was on her chest. “I was on the bus today and saw a woman who reminded me of you.  She was your twin and holding a baby boy,” she said.  Confused and not sure where she was going with the news, I quickly said, “Okay, I’m listening.” That’s when she shared that she believed the woman holding the baby was a sign and confirmation for her that I would be a mother of a baby boy. I began to become annoyed and immediately regretted opening up. Somehow, I smiled though and managed to share with her that it was nice she thought of me but not to feel sad about my situation or the need to give me false hope or happiness.

There’s something about women without children that make people think you need a hug, sympathy or my favorite unsolicited advice on how to get pregnant. I don’t walk around with my head hanging low, I'm strutting down the runway because I've already cried over my situation and my tears have run dry. "Trust me, I'm fine," I find myself saying this to others as they tear up when I share my story.

My thought is that it's not the end of the world. My family just looks different from yours. It's just my husband and I for now. Instead of children, I have a spoiled cat. So don't feel sorry for me, just be a friend and a good listener.  I’m childless and full of life.

Question: What kind of reaction do you get from people after sharing your fertility challenges?

CLICK TITLE TO LEAVE A COMMENT