Some relationships are for a season.
Six months ago I thought that my love search was done! I was glowing and always smiling from ear to ear with excitement.That's because I was introduced to a man who I thought was the one. He knew how to make me feel special, laugh and forget all my worries. We used to spend hours together, and I even told my friends about him. I've never desired for them to meet anyone special in my life.
I can't fully explain but one day things became shaky. I figured things would naturally fall back into place. But it didn't and suddenly my new love interest stopped spending time with me. His excuse was his job and huge workload. He just completely acted like I didn't exist most days. He would shoot me little texts here and there but for the most part our relationship was going nowhere! We would have talks but we would never resolve the issue. He once said, "I told you this is how my life is during the summer." I always thought aman would go out of his way to spend time with someone when there is love. Needless to say my fairytale was turning into another failed relationship. Of course yet again I'm embarrassed and humiliated that my time with this man was short lived. I thought, "How am I going to tell my closest friends and family that love has failed me?" So I decided to keep quiet. Instead I drowned my sadness with depressing music trying to convince myself what we had wasn't real.
Suddenly I snapped out of my funk and all it took was some encouragement from music by my favorite artist Beyoncé. In fact, I quickly pulled myself together and reminded myself that it sucks to be him right now! To the left, to the left, he goes ... and yes I loved him like XO but the truth is ... I simply could not see how our 1+1 could ever =2! Even though I saw his Halo in the beginning surely this man is also replaceable. Perhaps it's a good thing my relationship didn't work out and yes I may be hurt but just like everything else the pain won't last forever. I'll eventually call my girls and when they ask I will tell them the truth! He just wasn't the one.
At my age, I'm super clear about what I want and what I don't want. Some things I just can't except... and I don't feel guilty about wanting the best for me. So in the words of Beyoncé I'll put that freekum dress on! Haha, I probably won't do that but I will continue to date and when it's right, I hope the relationship will last.
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Don't test me. I have superpowers.
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Ugh! Always a bridesmaid and never a bride.
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The moment your crush turns into Mr. Right
I still can't believe it's real...
Just a few months ago I was introduced to a man who gave me butterflies. As Beyoncé "You had me at hello" plays in the background, I'm all smiles because I still can't believe that the two of us are going strong! How many times have you dated Mr. Wrong? Yes, many of us can certainly share a story or two. However, this man is a person I never thought existed. He reminds me daily of love, patience and kindness. Although he's a man of few words, his presence alone gives me peace and comfort. Have you ever been around someone you simply enjoy just sitting with and doing absolutely nothing? That's how I feel when we're together and binge watching our favorite shows. He's my calm when things get rough, and he's even my personal chef. The story is a way to a man's heart is through his stomach but it also goes for some women like myself. I'm a true foodie. I have had so many good meals over the past few months cooked by Mr. Right that I just may blog about them. Ha!
You know there's still hope for many of us women who feel like we're failures at relationships. There's love out there, it's just often times we lack patience and jump around with those who never means is well. Let me tell you, I'm the perfect example of an imperfect person meeting another imperfect person who's willing to take their time, communicate and let their true self be known early in the relationship.
I'm so looking forward to our journey because I'm sure it will be amazing. So in the words of my like my girl, Mrs. Carter, 1+1=2 and he definitely has me drunk in love. I love him like XO... not to mention he captured me with his Halo. It's safe to say at this point my crush is Mr. Right.
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How do you define your single status?
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What men think you need to do about your single status
No. You don't need a pen to take notes. All you need is a trash can to throw that old list away. In fact, the first thing relationship expert Jack A. Daniels suggests is to take a look at yourself while author Kevin Carr advises women to re-evaluate their preferences that often make relationship goals seem impossible to achieve.
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"Insecure" actress Yvonne Orji shares secret that could benefit hopeless romantics [video]
All it takes is that one simple social media post to pop up in your timeline to turn your entire day around. It's from that one friend that you shared so many things in common with because you two were the last of the bunch who were single. However, that's no longer the case and another friend of yours is planning a wedding.
We've all been there. "Insecure" actress Yvonne Orji knows the feeling all too well but what she does is something every single woman should consider.
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When you're in love....
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Valentine's Day: The day I fell for all the hype
The year was 2000. It was a cold windy day but that didn't stop me from being fashionable and wearing my bright pink wool coat. My long hair was blowing in the wind periodically sticking to the clear gloss on my lips. I was happy until I walked into my job that day. I worked at a law firm. I was still in college and the youngest in the office. To my surprise roses were everywhere and being delivered to many of the secretaries who were cheerful like school girls. I had no reason to be happy. I was single and recently dumped by my college sweetheart. It's funny how you process Valentine's Day when you're single. You start to say things like, "It's noting but an ordinary day." This paticular Valentine's Day I desperately tried to convince myself that it was just a regular day.
However, by the evening my day took an unexpected turn. I met up with my best friend at the mall. She was single too. Being silly, we started to both joke about our dating lives. As we visited store after store, something caught my attention. It was a pink balloon and it matched my coat. On the balloon it read, "Congratulations on your engagement!" Suddenly mesmerized and without hesitaion, I purchased it. When my friend noticed my purchase, she shouted, "You're so crazy!" Then we both burst into laughter.
In that moment, yes I was crazy and wanted to feel special like every other girl walking around with flowers, stuffed animals and holiday candy. That's just what happened, when I began to walk around the mall with my balloon. I immediatley felt special. "Congratulations," people shouted from across the mall. Then there were those who slowly put their heads down possibly boiling with more hate for cupid. The black leather gloves I wore that day made my fake engagement easier. Shockingly, no one asked to see my ring finger and quite frankly I'm glad no one was bold enough to ask about my "engagement" details. What I did enjoy was all the love and attention.
Sure that's what we want sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with it even if it is only for short moments. However, I later realized that the Valentine's Day craze forced me to fall for all the hype. Thankfully that only happened once. Today, it is seriously just another day.
I'm older, more mature and now married. It's funny because one day when my husband and I were only dating we decided to run out to the mall. It was another cold day and I needed a case for my cell phone. As we walked around, we couldn't help but notice couples everywhere. There were long lines in restaurants and most peope were draped in red clothing. We thought it was the weirdest thing. So as we were exiting the mall, I approached a couple. "Excuse me, what's going on today and why is everyone wearing red," I softly whispered. The couple looked stunned and the woman then loudly replied, "It's Valentine's Day!" Like a deer-in-headlights, I looked at my boyfriend and just laughed. To think there was a time I stressed myself out over the holiday, amazed me. I'm loved and cherished so much that today when "V" day rolls around I'm oblivious to it. The lesson is don't wait around for someone else to make you feel special, just show yourself some love until that special someone comes sweeping you off your feet and making you feel like every day you're his sweetheart. 💋
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Do this one thing......
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Jot down these steps to be happily single......
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When a guy gives you butterflies…..
To say that I'm nervous is an understatement. Where do I start?
So a really good friend of mine wrote the most unusual yet sincere statuses on social media about her brother. It was his birthday and out of love she posted what I thought to be the sweetest and funniest post about him ever. She not only gave him a birthday shout-out but she also put out an ad for his future wife. It immediately caught my attention. “This is hilarious,” I said to my myself as I burst into laughter. At that moment I also took a closer look at the picture and then I realized that I actually met my friend’s brother many moons ago. I remember as if it took place yesterday. One night while out dancing the night away with my girlfriends, we worked up an appetite and decided to go grab something eat at a local restaurant. When we walked in I saw my friend (the one who posted the social media status honoring her brother) and guess what, he was with her that night. This is all coming back to me because that particular evening my friend’s brother complimented me and thought my blazer and pumps combination was quite stylish. “Thank you,” I said with a smile. We exchanged a few more words, laughed a bit and that was it.
Fast forwarding to the day when my friend posted that warm announcement about her brother, I couldn't help but to reach out to her. She explained to me that although the post was a joke, she was very serious about finding him a date. I thought, “I’m single and maybe I should contact this man.” My friend and I laughed about it and before I knew it we had been texting all day while I was at work, and before I knew it, my friend sent me her brother’s phone number.
I'm certainly not the lady with the three day, three-week, one-month rule, so I texted him later on that night. Surprisingly, he replied right away and by the next day we were on the phone for hours. So far, he’s funny, seems to be a gentlemen and very thoughtful. This is by far the most random connection that I've ever experienced. I'm certainly nervous about our brunch date, and can’t shake these butterflies in my stomach. However, I’m very interested in seeing where this could go. Sometimes we stumble upon things that spark up our lives. My single life has been a journey but it’s also been full of good moments. Trust me you will be hearing more about this guy. In a good way, he makes me nervous and excited at the same time. It’s a feeling I haven't felt in a very long time but a good love story must start somewhere.
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New Year, New Me
I've never been the kind of lady to make New Year's resolutions, and this year was no different. However, as I was getting ready for my family's annual New Year's Eve party to bring in 2017, I decided to turn on some music and listen to my favorite artist. I then turned to the mirror to carefully apply my favorite MAC lipstick called Flat out Fabulous. It was right then when the Queen Bee herself reminded me of a few things.
"He must not know bout me," clearly he is irreplaceable .
He definitely had a big ego but that's not enough to win me over
What goes around definitely will come back around.
I was certainly "Drunk to Love."
I had way too much resentment for too long.
"Who runs the world? Girls!"
Queen Bee allowed me to reflect on the fact that 2016 was not that bad, and guess what everything that I went through was definitely not in vain. I was given a lot of lemons but quickly motivated to take those lemons and just make Lemonade! I plan to walk into 2017 and SLAY! The Queen may think that the best revenge is your paper but mine will be my happiness! I've already started making my vision come alive! First up ... travel more ... worry less ... oh and eat cake for breakfast! So instead of being sad, complaining about being alone yet another year, I enjoyed my family, laughed until my stomach hurt (literally), and when the clock hit midnight, I said "tell em Boy, Bye!" Well really I said bye to 2016 and smiled at 2017!
In short, take 2017 by storm and LIVE! Oh, and always listen to the Queen Bee for a little inspiration, she knows best!
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The common sense dating approach....
Have you ever dated someone who thought a "no show" or a "text without a response" was no big deal to get upset at or angry? Well, I have and even to my surprise I accepted some of his creative excuses but mostly because the guy seemed to have pretty legit reasons as to why he was a "no call , no show." So all was forgiven most times. However, it wasn't until stranger things started to take place that I started to raise my eyebrows.
The man I was dating started canceling dates on me, and one time even shared that he had some "random " male friend come visit him from out of town. Everyday that this friend was suppose to leave, there was another reason why "he" was still there . Any man that's not strong enough to give you the courtesy you deserve is simply not worth your time. I'm glad that this man showed me who he was sooner than later especially before we made anything official. Real men are consistent, have conversations, and are not afraid to be vulnerable.
So when all else fails, just use the common sense approach to dating. If it doesn't feel right then it's not right.
Here's a list of things NOT to ignore:
1. He places phone "face down" and ringer is always on silent
2. He's a serial text "deleter"
3. He's creative with excuses
4. He's always "too busy"
5. He opts to "text" instead of "calling you"
Yes, it's common sense but how many of us are guilty of not using our better judgement. Date on and date smart. 💋
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My first love.....
Growing up it never really bothered me that my dad wasn't around because I always had my grandfather. He is my main man!The both of us were very close and the relationship remains that way today. As far as I know, my grandfather is the first man to ever really love me. He was the first man to ever open a door for me, take me on a date, and show me unconditional love. He was always there no matter what!I was his only grand-baby up until recently. It's been my grandfather and I for 32 years.Yes, I was the only grandchild for more than three decades.
As for my father, my mom never talked badly about my dad. In fact, she always taught me to respect him and honor his last name in spite of his faults. I will never forget riding on the subway to school and seeing my dad passed out on the back of the train because he was intoxicated. I never once was ashamed of him or made fun of his addiction. Instead I made light of situations like that and would say to my friends, "Hey that's my dad, so don't laugh." It's but I think about my dad more and more especially during the Holidays and on my birthday. I recently turned 32 and I can't think of a time when my father picked up the phone just to say "Happy Birthday." I often wonder if my mistakes with men have stemmed from the lack of relationship with my dad.
Yes, my grandfather is amazing but he painted a fairytale for me. He had me thinking I was going to marry Prince Charming! I will forever be grateful for the love that my grandfather showed me because he stepped in during a time of need. However, I will forever wonder if having my dad around would have helped me through love and relationships. Whatever the case, I just want to remind men who are fathers to always be there for their children. The truth is fathers serve as their daughter's first example of what a men should be. If I ever get married and have a daughter, I pray that my daughter will never question her father's love and that her grandfather can enjoy being just that...... A grandfather!
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Companionship means Compromise
It's easy to fall in love with the illusion of being in love. The kind of love where you experience nothing but butterflies in your stomach, playful touching, giggles, and the world feeling as if it's standing still when you're with that special someone. Those are all great feelings.
As women we sometimes date and immediately start imagining life with that one special interest who seems simply irresitable. That may not be you but I was 100 percent guilty of behaving this way. Those romantic movies don't help and neither does social media. There's always a friend posting engagement or anniversary pictures with that serious facial expression as if the couple is gazing into each others eyes. "It's sickening," I often think. Well, not really. I'm just overreacting as always but you've seen these pictures on your timeline at least once.
It's really easy to believe that relationships are filled with joy and that you're missing out on life if you're a single woman. The reality is if you allow yourself to get caught up, you may find yourself spending the rest of your life with the wrong person. All because you were pulled into the illusion of being in love and relationships that appear fairytale like on social media. I have several friends who settled but are currently in unhappy relationships.
Today, I too am a married woman and I often hear my single friends complain about life and being alone. I get it because it can be a bit depressing when you walk into an empty house or don't have someone to share a crazy idea with when it pops up in your head. I can name more but the list of things we dislike doing alone can go on and on. However, instead of naming those things, I rather introduce you to two words, patience and compromise.
It hit me not long ago that I am not good at comprominsing. In fact, I can be selfish at times. Everything is mine, mine, mine. Ten years ago, all I was focused on was a significant other while not correcting myself in the wrong. I'm also impatient and want things fast. I know being this way isn't right which is why I encourage single women to take their time when they date. I truly understand that "Give me a ring" attitude because that was me. However, a single friend recently sent me a text that resonated. We barely talk but she's been determined to find love. The text read, "Name the easiest and hardest thing about marriage." I replied with two words. Companionship I named as the easiest and compromise as the hardest.
Limited patience and compromise aren't problems for every single woman because in some cases women compromise the wrong things like integrity and more. However, the recent text certainly made me think that we sometimes focus too much on the easiest part of relationships which is companionship when we ultimately should be working on ourselves, learning how to compromise the "right" things in order to endure challenges while creating healthier relationships.
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Puppy Love
Do you remember your first love? I'll never forget mines. I guess you'll always remember your first love or what you thought was your first love. Our parents often described young love as "Puppy Love". However, you couldn't tell some of us nothing during those adolescent years.
We had life so figured out, thinking we would marry and have children with that high school sweetheart. Now, I do have a few friends who married their high school sweethearts, but that wasn't the case for me.
Let me take you back. My high school sweetheart had smooth caramel skin and thick beautiful eyebrows. His bright smile would make you melt. He was definitely a handsome young man. In fact, his brothers were also very attractive. My sweetheart lived near my bus stop which looked like concert grounds with a mob of girls around. The girls would always go crazy over him and his brothers. The crazy thing was he was super kind and sweet to only me. He would walk me home, hold my hand and we even went to a few school dances together. We tried to keep together towards the end of my 12th grade year. He was a year a head of me and by the time I graduated and went on to college we lost contact. Years passed and before I knew it we were all grown up.
When I tried to find him again, I was unsuccessful. I guess it would be very unlikely that we could rekindle our love. But what if we cross paths again? I wonder if we would let go this time. I'm certain I would hold on tight if I had another chance. I miss him, especially his smile, smooth skin and most of all his heart. With feelings this deep combined with all the time that has passed by, I guess it's safe to say that puppy love can actually be real.
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Stood up!
So part of being single is going on fun and exciting dates, sometimes several within a week. When you finally meet someone who you actually like instantly you look forward to going out with them and having an amazing time. I must admit I stopped going out for awhile because I was either meeting men who I didn't connect with or not meeting men at all! However, recently I met a man and he seemed to be everything that I wanted. He's intelligent, handsome and a Moorehouse College man.
Now for those of you who don't understand what that means .....please let me enlighten you. In college you would often hear girls talk about different men on different college campuses. One of those college campuses happened to be Moorehouse and the men there had a certain reputation. They were known for their intelligence, aura and style. So as you can imagine I was excited about the possibility of us connecting. I had already been on a few dates and had an amazing time each and every time we were together.
However, one hot Saturday summer night I was all ready for our day together but to my surprise his phone was off or maybe he just want taking calls. My heart sank when I thought this man was possibly standing me up. I stared at my phone, checked my social media accounts , only to find nothing. I was crushed. After staying in the bed all day and watching crazy Lifetime movies, I decided to pull myself together throw something on and take myself out. While out I called one of my close friends, who came out to meet me for dinner. As I sat there with a sad face slowly drinking my margarita, she put it all in perspective. She said, "Girl that man owes you nothing and sure you may be sad because he hasn't answered his phone but the two of you are simply dating."
My friend is very wise and added, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket for a man you just met. Yes you may like him lbut that's the beauty of dating ... You can date a few people at a time and then make a executive decision when the time was right."
Immediately I started to feel much better. She was right. Yes I was sad and discovered one of my biggest weaknesses. When I start to like someone I really fall hard. I need to simply just date with no expectations and if we are suppose to be..... then we will be. I will say that I hope to hear from Mr. Moorehouse just to know that he is ok. As for our future, only time will tell. Whatever the case I think I'll continue dating and learn to have fun with the process.