A recipe for your childless lifestyle
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New Year. New Dreams. New Attitude!
I used to get depressed every month during the start of my menstrual cycle but now I look at it from a different perspective. It's now a reminder for me to keep trying to conceive. That's my attitude these days. When life knocks you down, get back up!
I must admit, it hasn't been an easy task especially when family and friends are convinced that after marriage there will be a baby carriage. Some couples will have the total package, but the reality is not every marriage will experience the baby carriage the traditional way. Sometimes, couples have to go another route to grow their families like adoption. Whatever the case, I've learned over the past three years not to allow anger and sadness to consume my life during this "trying to conceive" process.
A few weeks ago, a college friend shared some exciting news with me. "I'm pregnant," she exclaimed. Okay I rolled my eyes not because I was unhappy but because I'm human. I immediately thought, "It's happening again. Everyone is pregnant except for me." Then I suddenly challenged myself to not take her good news so personally. To be honest, she has no idea what I've been battling with inside. In fact, not many people can say they know what I've been going through because I've chosen not to share the most intimate details of my infertility journey. Unfortunately, I feel like some people just want to be in my business, are self-proclaimed experts who give bad advice, or false prophets confessing everything I want to hear. However, as I work on opening up to people, I've decided to be happy for my friend. Ultimately, her pregnancy is a blessing and worth celebrating. After all, her exciting news doesn't mean that I'm not blessed. I have plenty of things to celebrate too.
QUESTION: How do you cope with infertility? Share your story.
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Childless doesn't make you less of a woman
Some days I like to let my imagination run wild. I like to browse the baby section in stores or surf the internet for baby names. There are actually moments, I can see myself with a baby.
But then there are days I try not to think about those things. Sometimes, I also try to avoid events hosted by my peers who have children because of all the baby talk.
It's something about those unsuccessful attempts while trying to conceive that plays with your mind. You sort of feel less of a woman especially when it seems like everyone around is suddenly expecting a child. You start to feel that family just won't understand your situation, so why bother sharing your darkest moments.
I remember the first year, my husband and I started working on a child. It was after our two year wedding anniversary and at that point we were ready for parenthood. It seemed like every month we tried, we would get a new pregnancy announcement. That year at least six couples were expecting. "Is this a joke? If so, I'm not laughing," I thought. The following year, another four shared their pregnancies with my husband and I. We were genuinely happy for those around us but it started to get weird because we felt as if we were missing out on life as a childless couple.
At one point, I felt cheated. But then one of those pregnancy announcements turned out to be one of the biggest blessings in my life. That blessing was my niece. Although I thought as the eldest of my siblings I should have been the first to get pregnant, the moment I saw her, those feelings literally disappeared. She took my breath away. A very dear friend of mine added to my warm feelings when she called me on Mother's Day years later. Who would have thought a phone call on a day I started to dread would also change my life. The name on my cell phone was a familiar one so I picked up. "Happy Mother's Day," shouted my friend. Confused, I respectively replied, "I'm not a mother but thank you." My friend then went on to explain her greeting and said, "As you celebrate your mother remember YOU will have encounters where God will bless you to be a nurturer too to many others." I was intrigued and immediately thought about my instant connection to my niece. Her words truly left a positive impression on me. I thought to myself that my fertility challenges don't make me less of a woman. In fact, being childless simply means I just have more love to give.