Single

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My first love.....

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Growing up it never really bothered me that my dad wasn't around because I always had my grandfather. He is my main man!The both of us were very close and the relationship remains that way today.  As far as I know, my grandfather is the first man to ever really love me.  He was the first man to ever open a door for me, take me on a date, and show me unconditional love. He was always there no matter what!I was his only grand-baby up until recently. It's been my grandfather and I for 32 years.Yes, I was the only grandchild for more than three decades.

As for my father, my mom never talked badly about my dad. In fact, she always taught me to respect him and honor his last name in spite of his faults. I will never forget riding on the subway to school and seeing my dad passed out on the back of the train because he was intoxicated. I never once was ashamed of him or made fun of his addiction. Instead I made light of situations like that and would say to my friends, "Hey that's my dad, so don't laugh." It's but I think about my dad more and more especially during the Holidays and on my birthday. I recently turned 32 and I can't think of a time when my father picked up the phone just to say "Happy Birthday." I often wonder if my mistakes with men have stemmed from the lack of relationship with my dad.

Yes, my grandfather is amazing but he painted a fairytale for me. He had me thinking I was going to marry Prince Charming! I will forever be grateful for the love that my grandfather showed me because he stepped in during a time of need.  However, I will forever wonder if having my dad around would have helped me through love and relationships.  Whatever the case, I just want to remind men who are fathers to always be there for their children. The truth is fathers serve as their daughter's first example of what a men should be. If I ever get married and have a daughter, I pray that my daughter will never question her father's love and that her grandfather can enjoy being just that...... A grandfather!

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Companionship means Compromise

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It's easy to fall in love with the illusion of being in love. The kind of love where you experience nothing but butterflies in your stomach, playful touching, giggles, and the world feeling as if it's standing still when you're with that special someone. Those are all great feelings.

As women we sometimes date and immediately start imagining life with that one special interest who seems simply irresitable. That may not be you but I was 100 percent guilty of behaving this way. Those romantic movies don't help and neither does social media. There's always a friend posting engagement or anniversary pictures with that serious facial expression as if the couple is gazing into each others eyes. "It's sickening," I often think. Well, not really. I'm just overreacting as always but you've seen these pictures on your timeline at least once.

It's really easy to believe that relationships are filled with joy and that you're missing out on life if you're a single woman. The reality is if you allow yourself to get caught up, you may find yourself spending the rest of your life with the wrong person. All because you were pulled into the illusion of being in love and relationships that appear fairytale like on social media.  I have several friends who settled but are currently in unhappy relationships.

Today, I too am a married woman and I often hear my single friends complain about life and being alone. I get it because it can be a bit depressing when you walk into an empty house or don't have someone to share a crazy idea with when it pops up in your head. I can name more but the list of things we dislike doing alone can go on and on. However, instead of naming those things, I rather introduce you to two words, patience and compromise.

It hit me not long ago that I am not good at comprominsing. In fact, I can be selfish at times. Everything is mine, mine, mine. Ten years ago, all I was focused on was a significant other while not correcting myself in the wrong. I'm also impatient and want things fast. I know being this way isn't right which is why I encourage single women to take their time when they date. I truly understand that "Give me a ring" attitude because that was me. However, a single friend recently sent me a text that resonated. We barely talk but she's been determined to find love. The text read, "Name the easiest and hardest thing about marriage." I replied with two words. Companionship I named as the easiest and compromise as the hardest.

Limited patience and compromise aren't problems for every single woman because in some cases women compromise the wrong things like integrity and more. However, the recent text certainly made me think that we sometimes focus too much on the easiest part of relationships which is companionship when we ultimately should be working on ourselves, learning how to compromise the "right" things in order to endure challenges while creating healthier relationships.

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S.I.N.G.L.E

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Self-respect: Being single starts with not only self-respect but self-esteem.  Develop a strong relationship with yourself. There's no telling when Mr. Right will walk into your life.

 

Invest in one self: Make time to pamper, meditate, and accomplish your goals. This is the perfect time to do so.

 

New outlook on life: Always think of your glass as half-full not half-empty. Being single is not a death sentence.

 

Grateful: Take a look at your past and where you are today and be thankful. Remember you're on the right track. No matter how many of your friends are getting engaged, don't think for one minute that you're behind schedule.

 

Love yourself: It's just that simple. How can you love anyone else without loving yourself?

 

Enjoy life: Ultimately, enjoy every moment of your life. Single is dating smart and having fun.

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5 signs you've mastered single life

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1. You're great at cooking for one. A pinch of this and that..... Dinner is ready.

 

2. You're extremely comfortable going to the movies alone. Who's paying attention besides it's dark in the theater.

 

3. You're good at ignoring sweet talk! Why? Three words. Confident. Smart. Resilient.

 

4. Just about every Beyoncé song empowers you. #Lemonade anyone?

 

5. "Good Morning" texts don't phase you... You're single not desperate.

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Dance to your own music

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One thing I always loved to do is dance in the mirror. There are a few songs that immediately get me on the dance floor. Single life doesn’t have to be boring. Just put on your best pumps and crank the music up on your radio. And DANCE!

 

Get me Bodied-Beyoncé

 

7/11-Beyonce

 

Danza Kuduro (feat. Lucenzo)

 

Just Fine-Mary J. Blige


Push it-Salt-N-Pepa

Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough

Beautiful-Snoop

Shake it off-Taylor Switch

It takes Two-Rob Base

1 Thing (featuring Eve)-Amerie

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Resolutions? Let's just live in 2016!

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At the end of every year we all come up with these ridiculous goals, which we know we will not stick too! My favorite one of them all is when I hear women say "This year I'm going to the gym 5 times a week." When I hear this I giggle every time, I may have even told myself the same exact thing, especially after I've had that yummy cheesesteak that I know I had no business eating. However, I tell myself that it’s ok this one time because this year I'm going to the gym and I’m losing 30 pounds.  Ha! Yeah right, just like I lied about the gym and eating only one cheesesteak a year, I often find myself saying the same thing about relationships and dating.

 

Like clockwork, I’d say every New Year's Eve that this year, I will not go backwards in dating. Yet those late night phone calls and texts get me every single time. So this year I didn't make any dating or weight loss goals. The one thing I did was sit myself down and have a very honest conversation.  I made a commitment with myself not to be skinny, but to be healthy.  I promised myself to eat better, and yes I'll have a cheesesteak every now and then but I will commit to eating healthy and becoming one with my Fitbit! 

 

I also told myself that this year I'm not focusing on finding "Mr. Right" instead I’ll be getting right and working on myself. Last but not least, the most important goal of all is “No More Man Referrals!” I know my friends mean well, but each and every time someone has tried to introduce me to someone, it has been a disaster. Those referrals have often left me questioning our friendship, like wait, “Does this person really know me, because why would my friend ever introduce me to this guy?” Ha-ha, but seriously, I want a connection that is organic, no more match.com lead by friends! My goal in 2016 is to simply grow.  Sometimes single ladies spend too much time counting time and wondering when marriage and babies will fall in place.  The fact of the matter is if we were truly living up to our potential we wouldn't have time to worry.  In due time, love will certainly come and we may even lose a few pounds but for now let's just live in 2016! 

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Maintaining a smile

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As a single lady I always get a little choked up because I'm always single during the holidays. Well except for my birthday since it always falls on Thanksgiving weekend.  I have been blessed to always spend my “born” day with my closet girlfriends, and they make it a blast. This year for my birthday we decided to enjoy karaoke and hookah, and it was definitely a fun time. However, as the night came to a close my reality started to sink in and weigh heavy on my mind.  I have never shared my birthday with anyone of the opposite sex. No I didn’t wake up to any special texts or birthday calls.  Instead, my smile was brought on thanks to my family and friends who always go out of their way to make it memorable.

Let’s start with my family, my grandma has made it a tradition to always sing the traditional birthday song to me and my grandpa makes it his business to create a special card on his computer every year, which I save and have framed by the way.  Unfortunately my heart breaks as I sit at the long and elegant table prepared with “Thanksgiving” favorites because there’s no one special sitting next to me.  Then there’s Christmas.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my family and very thankful for them but I would love to have a significant other to share the holidays with. I can’t help but dream of what it is like to exchange gifts with someone, or tell them how much I appreciate them or blow out my candles with them on my birthday. I long for the day that my dreams become a reality.

For now I’ll just continue to maintain my smile and try to enjoy my single status.  ‘Tis the season to be jolly and thankful. Until Mr. Right and I cross paths, my goal is to make sure my life is in order so I can be just right for that special someone! I take comfort in knowing that I won't be alone during the holidays and my birthday forever.

 

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Computer love….just one click away?

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You know one of the humorous things about being single is when you have that one friend who’s now a matchmaker. In my case, I have a few who are matchmakers. Ha! Those so called friend referrals or date set-ups have now turned into dating stories I like to laugh about with friends.  The good thing is some of my bad experiences didn't ruin any of my friendships. But there’s something about those conversations now that start off like, “Girl, I've found the perfect guy for you,” that now make my antennas go up.

While I may have closed the door on friends who like to play “matchmaker” I have turned to one thing I’m sure many of us today can identify with and that’s online dating.  New research reveals that there is no longer a stigma behind online dating and people have turned to the web to find love. I’m shocked myself considering that I thought traditional, face to face, meet and greets would never go out of style.  Of course you know what’s next, I created an online profile. I just had to mostly because my friends strongly suggested I make that a part of my dating experience.

Hmm, what do I say about myself? What picture should I use? These are all important questions especially if you want to snag someone interesting.  I’m like another Carrie Bradshaw from the show “Sex in the City.” Of course with a little more flavor and all I want is man that’s smart, respectful and he must have nice teeth. I've attracted a nice range of profile hits and a few have also caught my eye.

It’s exciting to know that there are people out there with fairy-tale stories about women and men of their dreams, being a click away. To date, I have only run into guys that I would prefer not to date seriously. However, my profile is still lingering around in cyberspace. Why not take advantage of this technology enhanced era and increase my chances of meeting someone. According to the Pew Research Center, about 5 percent of American couples, whether married or in a committed relationships, have met their significant others online.  And with that information, I know there’s hope for the Carrie Bradshaw’s of the world. I may even give some of those self-proclaimed matchmakers in my life another chance at picking my next date. Who knows, I just may get lucky.

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