fustration

New Year. New Dreams. New Attitude!

I used to get depressed every month during the start of my menstrual cycle but now I look at it from a different perspective. It's now a reminder for me to keep trying to conceive. That's my attitude these days. When life knocks you down, get back up!  

I must admit, it hasn't been an easy task especially when family and friends are convinced that after marriage there will be a baby carriage. Some couples will have the total package, but the reality is not every marriage will experience the baby carriage the traditional way. Sometimes, couples have to go another route to grow their families like adoption. Whatever the case, I've learned over the past three years not to allow anger and sadness to consume my life during this "trying to conceive" process.  

A few weeks ago, a college friend shared some exciting news with me. "I'm pregnant," she exclaimed. Okay I rolled my eyes not because I was unhappy but because I'm human. I immediately thought, "It's happening again. Everyone is pregnant except for me."  Then I suddenly challenged myself to not take her good news so personally. To be honest, she has no idea what I've been battling with inside. In fact, not many people can say they know what I've been going through because I've chosen not to share the most intimate details of my infertility journey.  Unfortunately, I feel like some people just want to be in my business, are self-proclaimed experts who give bad advice, or false prophets confessing everything I want to hear.  However, as I work on opening up to people, I've decided to be happy for my friend. Ultimately, her pregnancy is a blessing and worth celebrating.  After all, her exciting news doesn't mean that I'm not blessed. I have plenty of things to celebrate too. 

QUESTION: How do you cope with infertility? Share your story. 

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The Baby Dance: Have fun with it!

I love to dance. Sometimes I can be in the car and when a fun beat drops over the radio airwaves, I instantly start dancing. I don't care who is watching. It's funny because my husband is very reserved but once I start dancing, all of sudden he breaks out dancing too. We just love to have fun and it shows once we hit the dance floor.

Fun is how the baby dance started for us. Once we started trying to conceive, it was exciting. I couldn’t keep my mind off babies. I became so obsessed that I even created a baby registry online. I was certain it would only be a matter of time before I became pregnant. I also searched for baby names online and saved a few to my “favorites” list. But when months turned into years the baby dance became work.  As a result, I became frustrated. "How much time should we dedicate to the baby dance," I thought. I began to question everything about conceiving a child which I always thought was an easy task.  However, I later realized it’s not about the time you spend trying to conceive a child, it’s more about the enjoyment. One thing I believe couples can do wrong when it comes to the baby dance is turn it into work. That's what we became guilty of when we created a schedule and tried adopting methods that shifted us from spontaneous baby dancing to a fertility system. The last thing I wanted to do was turn my sex life into a job. I eventually became a fertility robot always high strung about taking folic acid and tracking my ovulation dates. I lost sight of the fun and became addicted to producing results. Mostly because I’m a thirty-something year old woman who feel rushed because of this annoying ticking sound from my biological clock.

To date, I’m not pregnant. Fertility doctors can’t explain why it hasn’t happen. It’s a diagnosis called “Unexplained Infertility” that many women like myself have to live with. We’re perfectly healthy with no signs of fertility problems.  “Maybe you’re stressed,” said doctors. The more I think about things, maybe I am stressed because I put myself on a schedule to get pregnant.  Time passes us by too fast to be worrying about schedules, so why waste it. So for now, I’m ready to live in moment, ditch the schedule and just dance.

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